May 18, 2011

The shopping trip.

1. We went to a building supply showroom to look at some doors. All my doubts about fiberglass doors that are made to look like wood were shattered, but I was freaked out in the kitchen section by the fake waffles display:

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2. We prowled the outdoor racks at Home Depot to get about 300 plants — a few extra odds and ends after the thousands of bulbs and seedlings Meade has mail-ordered. After 25 years of accepting whatever the heavens bestowed upon my patch of real estate, I'm amazed at the number of plants one buys to do the landscaping professionally.

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3. Leaving the parking lot, we kept our distance from these people who were displaying the hilarious, age-old confidence in the ability of the human hand to secure a large item of furniture on the roof of the car. (And note the classic "baby on board" sign.)

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It's like they're trying to act out old comedy routines:

1. Baby on Board:



2. The power of the hand:

53 comments:

Coketown said...

I don't like that style of place mat. It feel like your meal is on a podium. "Accepting the award for most delicious breakfast... Belgian Waffle!" Which is a terrible upset for Strawberry Crepes.

Hagar said...

It's called moving miscue No. 43.

But I do need to bring home another bookcase as soon as I figure out where to put it.

shake-and-bake said...

I did that so many times when I was in my 20's. Almost lost a mattress once, but that was my only close call.

The Drill SGT said...

The hand on the mattress is a sensing device rather than a fastener :)

Original Mike said...

I spent a week in Kyoto, where virtually nobody speaks English (needless to say, I don't speak Japanese). If it weren't for the tradition of Japanese restaurants displaying plastic models of their dishes in the front window, I probably would have starved. (Actually, some of the wait staff knew the phrase "you show?", where upon we trooped to the front window and I pointed out my selection.)

Lincolntf said...

It is as Drill Sgt. said.
It also works with canoes, long pieces of lumber and old couches.

Original Mike said...

My sensing technique is to open the sun roof and put my hand on the load. Hopefully, I'll feel it shift in time. Though as an avid canoeist, I'm pretty confident of my roof tying technique.

Meade said...

"All my doubts about fiberglass doors that are made to look like wood were shattered"

Now if I can only shatter her doubts about FieldTurf, I'll have it made in the shade. Instead of mow, mow, mow the yard, we will pedal and paddleboard the summer away.

Hey, if it's good enough for Barry Alvarez and the Badgers, it's good enough for Meadhouse.

Trooper York said...

Now can I finish my fake waffles?

Scott M said...

All my doubts about fiberglass doors that are made to look like wood were shattered, but I was freaked out in the kitchen section by the fake waffles display:

Interior door, I'm assuming? You wouldn't want anything but solid wood or insulated steel for an exterior door. But even at the interior...WHY?

Six-panel wood doors just look better and FEEL better when you open and close them. We had all six-panel fiberglass/molded plastic doors when we moved into our house. I slowly (was in school at the time) replaced each one with a six-panel solid wood door. The difference is remarkable. More like a real house and less like an apartment or condo.

Mickey said...

Seinfeld's whole "I'm telling you the last time" special really is old now, isn't it? And that was the point. He was telling all of us, they, this an old joke. Yet people still do it.

Aridog said...

Whoever prepared that "waffle display" has no appreciation for the proper volume of Maple Syrup that should be applied to a waffle.

The last time my brother (who could afford real movers) conned me in to helping him relocate (image of big stuff on car tops is in order), I made it a policy of mine to just say "I don't do furniture" to any and all in the future. It's worked out well.

F'ing "day-beds" are designed to NOT negotiate corners in stairwells, so I presume they're all made by dry wall producers...or hernia surgeons.

Hazy Dave said...

Thanks for the amusing travelogue. I'm smiling without even playing the video clips...

Also, for reminding me of dodging the sofa cushion that flew out of somebody's pickup truck on the freeway a few years ago. Or maybe it was the whole sofa? Happened kinda quick.

DaveW said...

I need to replace a door on a shower stall. It's just builder's grade stuff and I can see it isn't going to last. Never did one of these, so I have to do some research.

We're in the midst of a pretty bad drought here and I'm having to put a lot of water on all my annuals to keep them alive. I planted begonias and vincas this year. Usually the vincas are drought hardy but they need to get established.

Also, I can't get my bulbs to bloom. I'm talking about agapanthas and irises. Lilies that I planted last year bloomed, but I got bupkis out of my irises for the 3rd year in a row. Anyone know why, or can suggest the right food for the agapanthas and irises?

DaveW said...

Oh, I think the molded fiberglass doors are fine for interior non-privacy doors. We have raised 6-panel fiberglass doors throughout the house and they've worked out great.

KLDAVIS said...

The best "Baby on Board" bit ever is Paul Foot's.

"They're just creating more death..."

E.M. Davis said...

The Carlin overflow crowd is apparently stationed at a T.G.I.Friday's.

Patrick said...

No hauling stuff home on the roof of the car story is complete without seeing the Mr. Bean clip.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zavsd6etz_Q

edutcher said...

A trip to a hardware store anymore really is a day at the hardware store.

PS Troop stole my line

PPS Troop, if that's a pic of your wife on your website, that's a very pretty lady.

T J Sawyer said...

Bad tie-down technique.

They are supposed to run the ropes through the windows and out the other side. Then the hand is used to detect stretching/breaking of the rope.

I had many several dented car roofs back in my twenties/thirties. You'd be surprised how much you can carry once you're willing to give up a smooth rooftop.

Scott M said...

A trip to a hardware store anymore really is a day at the hardware store.

I'm hip. Can't get out of there for less than $100 most often either.

Scott M said...

Let me correct that a bit. A "hardware store" like Ace or one of the privately owned locals...yeah, in and out like Walgreens. One of the big-box stores, though...definitely hours.

Walter S. said...

That's fake orange juice, too, right?

What really freaked me out was one of these displays with fake spilled milk.

dandean said...

My wife and I laugh every time we see some hapless schlub carting home a mattress on the roof of their car. We're reminded of the time, eary in our marriage, when we bought a queen size mattress and drove home to Alexandria, Virginia on the Capitol Beltway, arms out the windows, trying to hold the now-bending mattress down as we drove a blistering 45 mph. Our arms were aching by the time we got home. What the hell were we thinking?

rocketeer67 said...

Meade, would you be interested in doing some landscape planning/design for a clueless New Englander? Zone 6, so anything hardy enough for you should be hardy enough for me. I’m quite sincere in asking.

Fred4Pres said...

The fake waffle does look tasty though.

If bin Laden was still alive and trying to trap Obama, he might try using a waffle as bait.

Fred4Pres said...

Home Depot seems to have good prices on some plants, but not others.

Ignorance is Bliss said...

We're reminded of the time, eary in our marriage, when we bought a queen size mattress and drove home to Alexandria, Virginia on the Capitol Beltway... What the hell were we thinking?

It was early in your marriage. You were thinking that you couldn't wait to get home and take it for a test drive.

dbp said...

Original Mike,

When I was in Japan, I would (most of the time) remember to bring a little notepad with me when I went out to eat.

Once I picked which of the dishes to order via the wax models, I would copy down the symbols from the card next to the dish and then show the waiter what I wrote.

It always worked though I was always a little surprised that they could read my writing.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Now if I can only shatter her doubts about FieldTurf, I'll have it made in the shade. Instead of mow, mow, mow the yard, we will pedal and paddleboard the summer away.

Ornamental grasses, rocks, gravel and mulch....FTW. No mowing. Weeding, yes. But judicious use of Round Up fixes most of that problem.

Six-panel wood doors just look better and FEEL better when you open and close them.

Solid core 4 panel doors in our house for sound proofing purposes and because they just feel substantial (as you say) whenyou open and close them. We double insulated every wall interior and exterior and furred out the exterior walls to 6 inches for even more insulation.

Phil 3:14 said...

The Carlin clip reminded me how angry and misanthropic he became as he aged. Sad;in my younger years I had several of his albums.

"When 7 words you can't say..." came out I thought he was funny but now edgier (if that was a word I would have used then.)

Later on he lost sight of "edge"

Coketown said...

No mowing. Weeding, yes. But judicious use of Round Up fixes most of that problem.

For God's sake, use Preen. If you like cocoa-colored mulch there is even a Preen mulch. Just don't get it if you have dogs: They find it irresistible to eat and it's highly toxic for them.

As far as that fake turf crap goes, it looks great in the summer but then as soon as fall hits all the whispers start: They're the only ones with a lush, green lawn in the middle of winter, and can you believe they tried to pass off that Marie Calendars pot pie as their own at our last block party? Creeps.

Scott M said...

I'm getting ready to do a playground border with 1x10 or 1x12 filled with Fibar. To my wife, it's something for the kids to go along with this, but for myself, it's going to be much less grass to mow. I'm thinking of throwing in a couple of 4x12' raise garden beds as well.

Ralph L said...

Maybe ironrails would be happy with Fieldturf.

DaveW, regular Iris needs well drained soil, at least a half day of sun (more is better) and very little fertilizer, if any. Do not bury or mulch the rhizomes--they should be visible or they'll rot. Dig them up and separate in the early fall if they get crowded. Remove dead foliage and insect-damaged or decayed rhizomes promptly. Dutch Iris is a different animal--it's got a bulb.

My brother had an unfinished, no-option, panel van in his 20's and too many friends. It eventually ended up at our church parking lot, where someone stole it--and brought it back. The 3 on the column would tend to stick in 1st gear.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

For God's sake, use Preen

Too much acreage for Preen. I may consider it in my raised gardening beds for vegetables.

In addition to nuking the driveway, the shop yard and along the fence lines with round up we hire one of our local farmers (who is licensed to use the industrical strength chemicals --Clopyralid is one of them I think) to spray along the road and in other areas for Star Thistle (nasty nasty weed!!!)

Ralph L said...

DBQ, you can use Pramitol (carefully) to sterilize the driveway & fenceline soil for a year to cut down on multiple spraying. I assume you use a generic Roundup--ours is $30 for a 2.5 gallon jug of 41% with surfactant. Never been cheaper.

Michael Haz said...

One hundred home per year (until the market collapsed) custom home builder here.

Don't buy a fiberglass exterior door. They do not weather well in our climate and begin to look awful in about five years. They fade and chalk, even with good paint applied. They are also brittle in cold weather and fracture easily.

Better choices: Steel clad wood doors, or unclad wood doors finished with several coats of spar varnish.

AllenS said...

What the hell were we thinking?

You do, what you have to do.

Big Mike said...

I thought I remembered that George Carlin clip. He's right, of course. Back when my sons were tiny we put BoB signs in our car for exactly that reason -- to warn the imbeciles we were sharing the road with that they'd best not bang into us and hurt our little ones.

'Cause then we'd have to kill them.

Big Mike said...

BTW, I agree with Michael Haz -- not only is a fiberglass exterior a bad idea, but if you plan to hang a wreath on it the door will scratch and it will clearly be visible that it is not wood.

Peter Hoh said...

Rocketeer, here's a good place for some free gardening advice: The Renegade Gardener.

Start with "Don't Do That" and move on to "Design."

Freeman Hunt said...

Peter, you'll be happy to know that I took a pickaxe to the tree circles in my front yard. They are no more.

Peter Hoh said...

Good for you, Freeman.

Didn't you put in some raspberries last year, or is my memory playing tricks on me again?

Sixty Grit said...

I am no fan of George Carlin, but that bit made me laugh. Out loud, even. "Baby on board, child in car - don't tell me your troubles, lady!"

Indeed.

Kathryn said...

Just saw our forged iron doors that will be installed next week. Gorgeous, secure and energy efficient with minimal upkeep.

Issob Morocco said...

Faux Belgique, exquistique!

DaveW said...

Ralph L. - Thanks!

I'm pretty sure mine are Dutch irises. I need to go to the nursery where I bought them and talk to those folks about what to do. They get full morning sun, East side of the house.

We're in such a drought here that hardly anything that normally grows well is working. This area normally gets 46" of rain per year but we've only had 4" so far this year. I'm having to hand water everything, which is something that isn't usually required.

rocketeer67 said...

Hey Peter - thanks!

Ralph L said...

Good grief, where are you?--the rest of us are drowning. Our wheat crop may be damaged by the frequent rain in the last month.

I didn't have much luck with Dutch Iris the one year I tried some, and they didn't come back the next year. Neither did my columbine or lillies. I had horrible clay soil, and some of the 12 truckloads I had brought in weren't much better.

DaveW said...

Houston Texas, or a suburb. I live a stone's throw from the Johnson Space Center (NASA).

We have wildfires it's so dry. Water rationing, the works. We had some rain last week that helped a lot of this area, but it managed to skip us in League City. It's so dry my fence posts have migrated to the point where one of my gates doesn't work.

Meade said...

rocketeer67,
Good advice from Peter. My email address is in my profile so feel free to email me. I'd be happy to help if I can.

Meade said...

And here's one of my favorite gardening blogs.

E.M. Davis said...

That's a horrible placemat.

Looks like it was built by a gaggle of British Army engineers for Breakfast on the River Kwai.