March 9, 2011

"Sheen's Korner - Episode 4 - Building the Perfect Torpedo."

Charlie Sheen is expressing himself artistically these days in web video form. Let's take his work seriously — that is, let's not dismiss it as nothing but evidence of insanity or substance abuse. (Warning: Dirty words.)



I'd say, first, this is carefully written in poetic style. He's not raving off the top of his head. He'd be a genius if he could do that. I don't know if he wrote this stuff himself, but it's highly amusing and invites us in, the way good poetry does. We want to try to figure out what he's really saying, and we enjoy the sound of the stream of words even when we only partly understand it. Second, Sheen is an actor performing this script. He isn't garbling it in any way. He's adopting an intense and interesting persona, suitable for the YouTube milieu, and he's able to go on for 8 1/2 minutes, maintaining a crisp delivery and holding our attention. Of course, the fixed stare is the consequence of filming with a computer's built-in camera while reading a text displayed on the computer screen. It's not that hard to do. If it weren't Charlie Sheen but some unknown poet adopting this style, would we think anything of it?

98 comments:

Kensington said...

The thing I still don't understand about what he's doing is that he keeps saying he's spreading truth, and I have to ask: truth about what? That's still not clear to me?

What untruths is he dispelling, actually, and who's trying to stop him from doing so?

I don't get it.

Kensington said...

Also, I thought he looked better last night than he did the night before when he almost resembled a zombie at points.

The thing is, when you're over 40, sometimes you're just going to look bad. It's the nature of things. Youth is usually beautiful, and age often isn't, at least at times.

kent said...

Let's take his work seriously

Nah.

TWM said...

He seems sober in this video, but it's hard to tell with some addicts. He's obviously manic and possibly a tad crazy, but there's a fine line between crazy and genius.

He could be playing this much like Joaquin Phoenix played crazy for a year or so. Milking it for money and attention. A book in the works. Saying what he wants to say in videos and on Twitter.

It has be be more interesting than just reading the same script over and over on that sitcom.

I just hope it doesn't end badly for him . . . he really is a talented guy.

Joe said...

I hear the rants of yet another narcissist with nothing substantial to say, but with a compulsion to say something (with him, of course, at the focus.)

Irene said...

I warmed up to him after he said:

"[R]eally shitty, shitty; suck-suck."

and

"Dogspeed."

These are handy phrases and words.

woof said...

He's the new Anna Nicole Smith. Please go away. Why should we care ?

Trooper York said...

Charlie Sheen is a dead man walking.

You don't do what he did and expect to survive in Hollywood.

Trooper York said...

What they are going to do on the show is that Charlie Harper is going to get in a car accident and when they take off the bandages he is going to look like Rob Lowe.

Clairvius Narcisse said...

i hear there is an opening at npr

Raul said...

Anybody who thinks Sheen is crazy...is crazy.

Trooper York said...

If there can be two Darrens there can be two Charlie Harpers.

madawaskan said...

You BeSheen yourself.

*****

Ann Althouse said...

Meade just watched it and laughed a lot, banging on the counter on a few occasions.

kent said...

If there can be two Darrens there can be two Charlie Harpers.

Hell, there were THREE Catwomen on the Batman TV show, back in the '60s.

Henry said...

Charlie Sheen is a dead man walking.

You don't do what he did and expect to survive in Hollywood.


If Mel Gibson has an ounce of smarts he'll cast Charlie Sheen in his next movie.

* * *

Does Sheen use the word douchenozzle? That's the only thing that would get me click.

Joe said...

(The Crypto Jew)


and when they take off the bandages he is going to look like Rob Lowe.

No John Stamos. At AoSHQ I liked one of the comments, no use of car wrecks or anything, just Episode 1, Season 9, John Cryer: “Charlie you look different today.” John Stamos: “Yeah I got my hair cut different.” And that’s it, the show goes on from there.

Jeremy said...

Trooper - "You don't do what he did and expect to survive in Hollywood."

Are you kidding?

Ever hear of Robert Downey, Jr.?

Right now you can bet your ass there are any number of production houses trying to work deals with Sheen's Manager and Agent.

shoutingthomas said...

No offense, but I haven't got, nor will I give 8:33 to Charlie Sheen.

Nile said...

I thought I was listening to Keith Olbermann - what a crazy rant.

Please seek professional help ASAP Charlie.

kent said...

No John Stamos. At AoSHQ I liked one of the comments, no use of car wrecks or anything, just Episode 1, Season 9, John Cryer: “Charlie you look different today.” John Stamos: “Yeah I got my hair cut different.” And that’s it, the show goes on from there.

Hell, why not swing for the fences? Exact same scenario as above... only, instead of Stamos: Chris Rock. ;)

Sixty Grit said...

He mentioned Raven, that seems about right. But I have things to do, mustn't tarry over the spewings of Charlie...

WV: fluor - used to make braed.

Windbag said...

If it weren't Charlie Sheen but some unknown poet adopting this style, would we think anything of it?

Unknown poet? Dismissed as a crank. People would be demanding their 8 minutes back.

What if Tiger Woods pulled something like this after his life went south? Evidence of his insanity. Same if Bush, Clinton, Einstein, Dan Rather, or Pete Rose did something like this.

Sheen (or probably any other entertainer, be it musician, actor, or artist) gets away with it for two reasons: 1) he's an entertainer and maybe this is just a brilliant act, and 2) who ever takes an entertainer seriously? They're buffoons.

HT said...

Ann Althouse said...

Meade just watched it and laughed a lot, banging on the counter on a few occasions.

3/9/11 11:53 AM
___

It's funny! He's funny. He's .... something. He's creating something new, I'll give him that.

E.M. Davis said...

Ever hear of Robert Downey, Jr.?

RDJ is an addict, but as far as I know, he never publicly ranted about others in the business who have longer titles than he did. He never called out producers or network people, or even demeaned his co-stars.

That's part of the difference.

Now that I've seen much more of this, I can't help but feel we're being had.

madawaskan said...

Damnit!

I got sucked in...

The Condor of Calabasas.

madawaskan said...

That pile of rotting flesh you are circling Mr. Edgar Allen Me 2077 is-

you!

Jeremy said...

shoutingthomas said..."No offense, but I haven't got, nor will I give 8:33 to Charlie Sheen."

I imagine that if he knew...he'd be crushed.

Absolutely crushed.

E.M. Davis said...

No John Stamos.

Yeah, but can Stamos fake-play the piano as good as Sheen?

Joe said...

(The Crypto Jew)


Hell, why not swing for the fences? Exact same scenario as above... only, instead of Stamos: Chris Rock. ;)

Now you’re just being silly…if we’re going to do that, I’d suggest………..CRACK EMCEE! Think on the awesomeness of that!

I don’t agree with Crack on most of anything, but I think Crack would bring ‘something” to the role that Chris Rock could only imagine!

Sixty Grit said...

Hold it, wasn't "Shitty Shitty Suck Suck" the working title of Ian Fleming's famous children's book?

WV: ouring - precioussss...

Jeremy said...

E.M. Davis - No, Downey never called people out (at least in public) but he cost studios and production houses plenty of dough, and that creates bigger problems that rants.

Anybody who thinks Sheen is gone is crazy.

Oh, and what many here just watched may be a regular show you can complain about on a weekly basis...as he rakes in millions.

Trooper York said...

Jeremy said...
Trooper - "You don't do what he did and expect to survive in Hollywood."

Are you kidding?

Ever hear of Robert Downey, Jr.?"

Jeremy it wasn't the drugs I was talkin' about.

Sheepman said...

Heard his next project will be a film version of Tarantula.

Actually, I found the clip entertaining - there were some good bits in it.

kent said...

Now you’re just being silly…if we’re going to do that, I’d suggest………..CRACK EMCEE! Think on the awesomeness of that!

Heck, we could really go in for some big-time "stunt" casting, if not for the unfortunate fact that so many drop-dead perfect candidates for the honor are already long since dead.

Nell Carter. Abe Vigoda. Morey Amsterdam. Shemp Howard. Tor Johnson. Let your mind fly free -- !!!

kent said...

GARY COLEMAN!!!!!

E.M. Davis said...

E.M. Davis - No, Downey never called people out (at least in public) but he cost studios and production houses plenty of dough, and that creates bigger problems that rants.

If Hollywood were built on budgets, it would have been out of business a long time ago.

It's built on egos.

And that's Sheen's biggest problem.

Patrick said...

Sheen comes off largely crazy and vindictive. His circumstances allow him to "call out" the people he thinks wronged him in a way that ordinary people cannot, or feel they cannot. That may explain some of the appeal: "Hey, I sure would love to talk like that to the #@$@! that laid me off!" But really, it's just like a junior high kid mouthing off.

Trooper York said...

Rob Lowe is the prefect candidate. He had his own sex scandal and is well know as a drinker and party guy so he could step into the role of a dissolute sex crazed horn dog.
Being a good looking guy who is a great light comedian is a tough job. You have to be a clown but still very attractive to women no matter what misogynistic shit you might pull.

Rob Lowe would be totally believable.

There is only one other guy who would be better.

Bill Clinton.

rdkraus said...

All his neighbors say he was such a nice, quiet guy.

traditionalguy said...

Sheen is struggling hard to remain loved and popular while he is sticking it to everyone around him as being worthless inferiors. As Amazing a tight wire act without a net as I have ever seen.

Joe said...

(The Crypto Jew)


There is only one other guy who would be better.

Bill Clinton.


Problem there is Charlie Sheen doesn’t actually hit or sleep with all the womyn that his character does, whereas I can see Slick Willy being a bit confused about that distinction.

Harry said...

Sheen seems to be adopting the Hunter Thompson persona. Or maybe that's just the generic tweaked persona.

I hated Sheen's sitcom and maybe he too realized what crap it was. However, "Hot Shots Part Deux" is one of the funniest movies ever. Sheen has the ability to look thoughtful while he's being absurd that is comedy gold--somehow it comes through in this rant as well.

write_effort said...

Never watched the Men show, but I remember seeing Platoon and thinking it's too bad the lead actor is so insubstantial.

kent said...

More great "stunt" casting possibilities (if only they were still alive, dammit:

Jack Palance. Shelley Winters. Pat Buttram. Michael Dunn. Yakov Smirnoff. Fred Rogers.

MayBee said...

I'll let you all know if I come downstairs one morning to find Charlie sleeping on my sofa.

Hoosier Daddy said...

The thing is, when you're over 40, sometimes you're just going to look bad. It's the nature of things.

Bah. I look marvelous. But in purple, I'm stunning!

Trooper York said...

Two and a Half Men had reached the end of it's usefull life anyway. Once a sitcom is "stripped" ie plays every day in syndication it loses a lot of steam.

The ensemble shows of washed up sitcoms stars of yesteryear like
The Love Boat, Fantasy Island, Love American Style and Murder She Wrote are all long gone.

His only hope was to be on one of these cobbled together shows on TVLand like "Hot In Cleveland" or "Retired at Thirty."

But after what he said he ain't getting a gig unless Cedarford ownes a TV network.

William said...

Abbie Hoffman and Lenny Bruce were equally devoted to drugs and casual sex. They were clinically insane, but they managed to politicize their rage and convince themselves and a good part of the world that their madness was some kind of protest against the society in which they lived....Charlie's gripe apparently is with network executives and his show's producers. Such enemies are unworthy of his fine madness. He should announce his intention to fuck a different porn star every day until teachers are paid a decent wage and all US troops are out of Iraq. Sheen already has a posse of syncophants, but he is not yet the leader of a cause.......There's something about Brittany Spears and Lindsay Lohan that you want to turn away from. But there's something about Charlie that holds your attention. Drug addicts are supposed to hit bottom before turning their lives around. Charlie's only hope is to bump against the ceiling and discover there's no such thing as heaven.

deborah said...

I've liked Charlie Sheen for a while now. Here, he reminds me of my dad, who had always reminded me of David Brinkely.

This was really well done...and I now have some of Sheen's tiger blood...try and stop me now!

TWM said...

"Rob Lowe would be totally believable."

I don't think so. Both are womanizers but Lowe is a suave womanizer while Sheen's character is a straight to the point classless kind of womanizer. That is what makes the show funny. Lowe would be too smooth.

Trooper York said...

Well it is only casual sex because he makes the porn stars wear those cool bowling shirts he always wears.

deborah said...

"Such enemies are unworthy of his fine madness."

Well said.

Thorley Winston said...

I’ve caught maybe a couple of episodes of 2.5 Men and shows that are based around repeating the same joke (look Jon Cryer’s a wimp and Charlie Sheen sleeps with a lot of women) don’t really interest me all that much. On the other hand, I did like pretty much every movie I’ve seen Charlie Sheen in (Red Dawn, Platoon, Young Guns, Wall Street, Hot Shots, Major League, etc.) so if he ever decides to quit acting like an idiot, maybe he can recover his career like Robert Downey Jr. did (although Sheen's not nearly as talented IMO).

Trooper York said...

Any changes in style can be blamed on the car accident.

The show was out of steam anyway.

The kid in the show is now a surly teenager and they have run out of plots.

Time to give it up.

kent said...

Toshiro Mifune. Jack Webb. Una O'Connor. Ving Rhames. Harvey Fierstein.

BJM said...

...part scoundrel, part my hair to the side.

I LOL'd too...doggerel well done.

Whatever one may think of the Estavez/Sheens, they are very talented. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Charlie was the author. He's been acting for over twenty years, so he should be able to craft a script, even while baked.

Of course he's also a total loon aboard a runaway train speeding toward the end of the line. Only time will tell if he crashes & burns.

LordSomber said...

Sheen is channeling Z-Man from "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls."

"Ere this night does wane, you will drink the black sperm of my vengeance!"

Less Cowboy Poets.
More Napalm Poets.

commentor said...

I... what.

kent said...

Peter Lorre. Paul Lynde. Alan Hale, Jr. Cher. The Starland Vocal Band.

Methadras said...

He's a gift that keeps on giving. Using the train wreck analogy just doesn't do any of this justice.

Don't Tread 2012 said...

I couldn't watch the whole thing, it was really weird.

Did he start raving about missing strawberries?

Was he rolling steel balls in his hand?

Hank Rearden_WI said...

His is to warlock what Harriet is to like.

This schtick has all been done 10 times daily, 365, at the Port Authority terminal by people with none of the potential, genetics, or wealth.

Like Syd Barrett, shine on M'er F'er, you crazy diamond.

commentor said...

Watched 'Sheen Korner #3' - pretty juvenile stuff.

kent said...

Was he rolling steel balls in his hand?

1.) He only thinks they're steel, and: 2.) Yes. ;)

Don't Tread 2012 said...

@kent

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlV3oQ3pLA0

TWM said...

"Was he rolling steel balls in his hand?"

No, only the balls of his enemies . . .

Jeremy said...

Trooper - "There is only one other guy who would be better. Bill Clinton."

Well, he was a multi-tasker.

Not many people can eat a slice of pizza while getting head while negotiating with a member of Congress.

I've never read that he was much of a druggie or drinker though.

Jeremy said...

Trooper York "The show was out of steam anyway. The kid in the show is now a surly teenager and they have run out of plots. Time to give it up."

Give this up?

Sources have told The Hollywood Reporter that if Two and a Half Men was forced to shut down permanently, it could jeopardize as much as $250 million in domestic syndication revenue for producer Warner Bros. Television and millions more in lost ad revenue for CBS.

In its eighth season, Men is the most-watched comedy on television, averaging 14.7 million viewers.

E.M. Davis said...

Any changes in style can be blamed on the car accident.

The show was out of steam anyway.

The kid in the show is now a surly teenager and they have run out of plots.

Time to give it up.


BANG.

The Crack Emcee said...

Kensington,

The thing I still don't understand about what he's doing is that he keeps saying he's spreading truth, and I have to ask: truth about what? That's still not clear to me?

What untruths is he dispelling, actually, and who's trying to stop him from doing so?

I don't get it.


Men - real men - the great unknown to the feminized world. At the link:

For decades, the people that instruct our children; mould our lawyers, social workers, psychologists and health professionals; train our judiciary; control (and misinform) the domestic-violence industry; shape the views of journalists; and counsel politicians: All have been marinating from early youth in feminist correctness.

Also here's my original post on Sheen.

And the follow-up, which defines the world the rest of you, apparently, understand - and tolerate - all too well.

More than I do anyway.

Angry men, pressed against the wall. That so few men would rally to our side is the worst self-condemnation that exists today.

You're weak, confused, and a disgrace to your own sex.

A "Shotgun" Gold said...

I don't think he's using a built-in camera--- there is a side shot at one point, which suggests at least two cameras are set up.

The guy has porn "actors" over as guests--- you don't think he has some good quality video equipment in the house?

Christy said...

I found it funny and clever. But then I haven't been following celebrity news or Sheen's sitcom. Is this somehow different from what he has been saying?

Trooper York said...

It's ok to be angry and be a total horndog. But when he went anti-semitic in his tirades he committed career suicide.

The syndication is protected by dumping him and getting him out of the public eye. Once he is out for good this will all die down and he will be as important as David Hasselhoff. His next appearance will be on Youtube videos eating burgers off the floor until he OD's or the pimp of one of his girls beats him to death with a camera tripod.

This has all happened before in Hollywood.

Chef Mojo said...

Has it occurred to anyone that Charlie Sheen is pulling a Joaquin Phoenix?

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that this is Charlie's I'm Still Here. . I think Charlie is doing a masterful punking. The lack of family intervention is telling.

Sheen is taking his rep as a wild man and has kicked it up more than a few notches. It's all an act.

Here's an experiment. Watch the third installment of his online "meltdown" from the other night, but with the sound off. Watch the the body language, and watch his face. He almost loses it on a number of occasions, as his smile muscles betray themselves in spite of what he's ranting about. His hand gestures are very deliberate, indeed, controlled. Notice a few other things. Despite the hype, you never actually see him drink. He's only smoking. He makes drug references galore, and he plain looks like a coke fiend. But he's an actor. You don't think he can't make himself look like a depraved junkie?

So, there I go, apropos of nothing. It's an act.

wv: hoozi: Of course, I could be completely wrong, and hoozi-boy is totally bat-shit crazy. In that case, please disregard the previous...

The Crack Emcee said...

Frank Zappa said, when the story is man against the world, bet on the world.

But now there's a new kind of man - and we're going to beat you.

BTW - now even Roseanne is showing more balls than the rest of you.

The Crack Emcee said...

Troop,

The syndication is protected by dumping him and getting him out of the public eye. Once he is out for good this will all die down and he will be as important as David Hasselhoff. His next appearance will be on Youtube videos eating burgers off the floor until he OD's or the pimp of one of his girls beats him to death with a camera tripod.

$20.00 says you're wrong. You on?

Trooper York said...

You got it brother. A new Kangol hat for you too if Charlie comes back to Two and a Half Men.

Trooper York said...

Better yet. Double or nothing that I have a new TV show before Charlie Sheen does. Just sayn'

Shanna said...

Ever hear of Robert Downey, Jr.?

RDJ is an addict, but as far as I know, he never publicly ranted about others in the business who have longer titles than he did. He never called out producers or network people, or even demeaned his co-stars.


Yeah, whatever's going on with Charlie it's not just “I have a problem”. That happens in Hollywood and people can come back from it. Everybody likes a comeback story.

Charlie is sounding crazy half the time. If it’s performance art or something, because he hates that show, that would be one thing. If it’s just cocaine is a hell of a drug and has rotted his brain crazyiness that’s another. The thing about his teeth being rotted out doesn’t make me think of this as a performance but I suppose time will tell.

Rob Lowe is the prefect candidate.

Rob Lowe is currently being awesome on Parks and Recreation, but I think he’s only on for the year. He’s certainly a lot prettier than Charlie Sheen, who looks like death warmed over now. John Stamos is pretty too.

Trooper York said...

If Chuck Lorre had any talent he would go in a totally different direction. What if after the accident Charley Harper became a really ugly guy who was still horny but he couldn't get girls unless he paid for them. And he doesn't want to pay for them so he tries to charm them.

There would be a lot of comedy in that.

commentor said...

Crack Emcee, you're such a big jessie drama queen.

madawaskan said...

$20 He does it with Lindsey Lohan before he gets his own show.

Oh wait...

Joe said...

(The Crypto Jew)


Charley Harper became a really ugly guy who was still horny but he couldn't get girls unless he paid for them. And he doesn't want to pay for them so he tries to charm them.

Isn’t that Allen’s/Jon Cryer’s job, on the show?

madawaskan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Trooper York said...

Exactly. What if his dweeb brother gets better chicks than he does?

Lot's of comedy in that.

Turns the tables. Shakes things up.

What if he is the stalker instead of Rose?

Chuck Lorre always goes for the lowest common denominator. If he had real talent he would push the envelope.

Trooper York said...

Imagine he becomes a really ugly guy. Fat too since popular culture hates fat people. And he smells bad because he is incontinent.

He will still have the money and the beach house but it will not be effortless for him anymore.

Think Sullivan's Travels meets Shallow Hal. Just sayn'

chickelit said...

Couldn't watch the whole thing.

Sorry Charlie, I don't want tuna that tastes good, I want tuna with good taste.

Joe said...

(The Crypto Jew)


He will still have the money and the beach house but it will not be effortless for him anymore.



Interesting…seriously with him being “Off with Rose” we just live him “off with Rose” and move a new character in…remember “Berta”/ Conchata Ferrell gets the house, so SHE’LL be “Charlie” could prove interesting.

chickelit said...

He will still have the money and the beach house but it will not be effortless for him anymore.

He could try his hand at porn full time too.

Trooper York said...

He could try his hand at porn full time too.


I think he is using his hands to porn full time right now. Just sayn'

kwood said...

This reminds me a lot of that "The Moon is a Ridiculous Liberal Myth" rant that used to get dropped into discussions at Slashdot from time to time. It's out there somewhere.

Well done for Sheen. This stuff is a big point in his favor. Not that I'm keeping score or anything, but I like this.

jr565 said...

Narcistic personality disorder at its worst. Fueled by coke paranoia. This guy has to be one of the most selfish prick celebrities I've ever witnessed. I almost hope he does od as I'm getting tired of his shtick.
John Cryer has nothing but class. Charlie Sheen should apolgoize for the rest of his life for being such a classless loser. But to him I guess that's WINNING.

jr565 said...

Trooper York wrote:
He will still have the money and the beach house but it will not be effortless for him anymore.


Celebrities live lavish lifestyles especially coke fiends and drug addicts. And they burn through money like crazy. Not to mention how he has to pay for all of his enablers and sycophants. So give him a couple of years.
He'll be as broke as MC Hammer and will be owing the IRS money like Wesley Snipes.

John0 Juanderlust said...

Show biz thrives on publicity. That part he has got going big time. He's getting more coverage than the national debt.
Besides, now he is free from having to act on a show with a laff track. If they thought it was funny would they really have to cue the laughter?
Whatever he is doing, I'd say he has made at least one major step up.

jr565 said...

John wrote:
I'd say he has made at least one major step up.

except of course for the salary part.

Republican said...

"..think of me as you stare into the mirror.....your least favorite activity..."

Slam on Chuck 'Cheese-Ball' Lorre to the max.

Mr. Sheen is excellent in this piece.

Republican said...

Sheen probably wrote this whole bit himself.

Does anyone remember he published a book years ago?

Very clever work.