December 21, 2010

"In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks: ... And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy."

A book title... on the list of things readers have bought via my Amazon portal...




... which I encourage you to use, of course, in case you're looking for a way to show your love for Althouse, the blog... and Althouse, the chick.

Now, I'm doing a search inside that book — it's by Adam Corolla — and — what can I look for? — shorts! What does Corolla have to say about men in shorts?
When the Patriot Act cam back in the news in 2005, every single one of my faggoty, lefty Hollywood friends squealed like a stuck pig. "I don't want the government eavesdropping on my e-mail exchanges or listening in on my cell-phone conversations." Everyone had their cargo shorts in a bunch over it. I was the only one I knew who was like, "Hey, Agent Double-O Douchebag, if the government intercepts any of your e-mails all they're going to find out is that you're not funny. And how about spending a little less time worrying about the government and a little more time focusing on your narcissistic disorder, the one that leads you to believe the government actually gives a shit about you."
It's dangerous for a comedian to do a riff about how other people are not funny. He'd better be seriously funny at that point or he's asking for it.

Anyway, cargo shorts... wear them, guys, to walk toward the future in which you will all be chicks.

28 comments:

Hoosier Daddy said...

I just packed away my 15 pairs of shorts, including cargo shorts for the winter.

While I can't and will never understand the Professor's hatred of men's shorts, I will say I don't really get those 'shorts' that the youts wear. You know, the ones that kinda stop just above the ankle and are really baggy. I think on women they call them capris. Now those just look stoopid.

Salamandyr said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MadisonMan said...

In 50 years I'll be dead.

So middle-aged in the Angry Middle-Aged White guy's case must mean early middle-aged.

AllenS said...

I'll be 114 years old.

EDH said...

on the list of things readers have bought via my Amazon portal

You mean there's a list!

Uh, oh.

bagoh20 said...

I'll prefer to be called a "broad" if you don't mind, you bitches.

traditionalguy said...

That is a horrible vision of the future we will leave our grandchildren to face. That degree of confusion in the basic genders of life creation can only be called the true Dark Ages.

MadisonMan said...

Well, maybe I'll still be around, but I'll be 100. I don't think anyone in my family has made it that far. Dad's cousin is 97 now, though.

Beta Rube said...

Does this mean I should start nurturing my feminine side now?

aronamos said...

I loves me some Adam Corolla ever since before Loveline and the Man Show.

From the book: "We've become self-entitled, thin-skinned, hyperallergic, gender-neutral, View-viewing little girls. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers." So he appears to be dismissive of shorts AND lawyers.

wv: undogies. Cats.

CJinPA said...

I never liked comedic rants. Until I heard a few that validated my views. Then I liked them. Carolla has a few good ones.

http://www.adamcarolla.com/ACPBlog/2010/03/29/adam-and-you-5/

cokaygne said...

Bermuda shorts are OK if it is really hot. Cargo shorts are OK for a hike when one is deep in the woods and seen by no creatures except mosquitoes, black flies (the Maine Air Force, defending us from tourists) and deer ticks for whom your white thighs and red kneecaps are like neon signs advertising a free lunch. Baggy, calf-length shorts for men are never appropriate and always ugly.

Lonetown said...

With cargo shorts, who needs a purse?

Just saying...

Titus said...

I loved the Man Show when they had girls bounce on trampolines and their tits bounced up and down.

Where are those girls now?

Hoosier Daddy said...

All you anti-short people just have never seen a really good pair of legs in shorts.

Most the pity.

LordSomber said...

Pfft. Men are already chicks. And chicks are no longer women, but girls. Or wannabe "dudes."

aronamos said...

People like Corolla, Colin Quinn and Dennis Leary who got their early exposure on MTV really are subversives, and since the ascendant power has been on the Left for years, they're doing what good comedians should do: Taking a poke at it.

Class factotum said...

With cargo shorts, who needs a purse?

Even cargo shorts would probably not keep a man from turning to the woman he is with, handing her his sunglasses/wallet/phone and asking, "Would you put that in your purse?"

Jana said...

Oh, hey, I bought that through the portal. For my husband, but I get to read it too.

Trooper York said...

Complaining like this just means you are acting like a broad.

Shut the fuck up and go to work so you can pay your taxes so the worhtless parasites ey who they spend those tax dollars on can have cable TV and sit at home eating Twinkies.

What's the matter, don't you know how this country works?

CJinPA said...

"I loved the Man Show when they had girls bounce on trampolines and their tits bounced up and down.
Where are those girls now?"

Law firms and medical universities, of course.

James said...

Adam Carolla was on the Bob & Brian Show(WHQG in Milwaukee) a few weeks ago pushing this book. Most radio interviews aren't any good but he was hilarious.

One of the things he talked about was that he was a carpenter before going into comedy. He then said that Ty Pennington was a complete fraud because they once had a discussion and Ty didn't know elementary carpentry concepts or how to use the basic tools.

Manfred said...

15. You will not intercept, record, redirect, read, interpret, or fill in the contents of any electronic form or other material submitted to us by any person or entity.

18. You will not make any orders or engage in other transactions of any kind on the Amazon Site on behalf of any other person or entity, or authorize, assist, or encourage any other person or entity to do so.

Oligonicella said...

"Anyway, cargo shorts... wear them, guys, to walk toward the future in which you will all be chicks."

Right next to the gals wearing slacks being dudes.

chuck b. said...

I used your link to buy a math book. Well, I pre-ordered a math book that ships in January. $88!

DaveW said...

The wife gave me $750 to spend at Men's Warehouse for Christmas. Since they've got sports-coats on sale and at buy one get one free I'm going to get a couple sports coats, which I needed pretty bad anyway, and some shirts and ties, maybe a belt and/or braces. I don't really need a new suit right now, I bought 2 suits over the last year or so.

I got her a Kindle and some fancy bath stuff (bath salts, that sort of thing). She loves that fancy bath stuff.

AST said...

Why don't they just allow us to check a box to donate to the Althouse Prosperity Fund?

jr565 said...

actually from what im reading a lot guys will becpme chicks. All that beer drinking is going to turn all their testosterone into estrogen. They'll be walking around fat and with man boobs in no time.