December 14, 2010

Festivus/healthism vs. salami.

Malcolm Alarmo King — a fitness buff/model — didn't like the salami on the menu at Theo Lacy jail in Orange, so he brought a lawsuit, seeking double portions of kosher meals. The Sheriff’s Department didn't want to serve these more expensive meals except as a religious accommodation. King had asserted that his religion was "Healthism." "He’s healthy so he said health and added an ‘ism,’" his lawyer said.
Judge [Derek G.] Johnson pulled King’s lawyer and the prosecutor aside and said he needed a religion to put down on the order to make it stick...
The lawyer came up with "Festivus," and the judge accepted that.

Via ABA Journal, which notes that there won't be an appeal, because the sentence is served.

Which of these is least appropriately called a religion?
Festivus -- even as "Seinfeld" fiction, it's a holiday, not a religion.
Healthism -- he just thought of "health" and put "ism."
Salami -- come on, it's just meat.
Law -- it's completely made up.


  
pollcode.com free polls

Which of these is most appropriately called a religion?
Festivus -- it has rituals and can be practiced.
Healthism -- people really believe in it and they proselytize.
Salami -- it's the most believable thing on the list.
Law -- it has structure, ritual, requires belief, and purports to explain a lot.


  
pollcode.com free polls

AND: Oddly enough, "law" is winning both polls!

48 comments:

TosaGuy said...

I would think that "healthism" beyond a healthy body would also include not doing activities that would land a person in jail, even if he didn't take any of the drugs he trafficed.

E.M. Davis said...

Yeah, but in jail don't they practice Hide the Salami-ism?

E.M. Davis said...

Not that there's anything wrong (or unkosher) with that.

Triangle Man said...

The law is most like a religion because its adherents will mess you up if you don't agree with them.

FormerTucsonan said...

I feel bad for a guy with a middle name like Alarmo.

Sounds like a lame super hero on a commerical for a local security systems company.

wv: revorrip - Alarmo's arch nemesis!

traditionalguy said...

The Salamis would be a perfect phallic symbol for a strong man's cult It would also make a good name also for a Wisconsin football team that has to drop its Indian connected name. But Kosher may be good practice for learning how to be a SCOTUS Justice, where every thing is separated into categories which are split and re-spilt again until they finally combine it all 5 to 4 and make the sausage for us.

kent said...

it has rituals and can be practiced.

Congratulations. You've just described the hokey-pokey.

bagoh20 said...

The law is most like a religion because it is the one where adherents will always revert to the end argument of: "That's just the way it is, dammit!"

Larry J said...

The law also has its hierarchy of high priests in black robes, only they call them judges. These high priests pass down holy writ from on high, are unaccountable to anyone, and hold the office for life.

traditionalguy said...

As Larry J points out, there is a great similarity between Judges and God . They both claim power to Judge us. They both write down their opinions and usually abide by stare decisis...if its in Genesis, then it seems to be followed in later decisions. The force that makes mere human judges and Juries into wise and just Lords over us is a great mystery. But every trial lawyer will tell you that he has seen it at work.

Lincolntf said...

What is a Religion?

A Religion might contain a special class of "clergy" that sets down texts for discussion.
It would necessarily require adherents, carry out occasional purges, suffer schisms, etc.
It would exist largely on donations and it would depend entirely on proselytizing for growth.

Blogger-terians unite!

cubanbob said...

The judge ought to get life without parole for stupidity.

Parents should be jailed for calling a kid Alarmo.

edutcher said...

Whatever happened to None of the Above - which may be on the ballot in most states next time around.

WV "Sandisms" (no kidding) Those who worship the high priestesses of beach volleyball

MadisonMan said...

kent, that's what it's all about.

Bob_R said...

Her sin is her lifelessness

David said...

Is that a salami in your pocket, or are you just healthy?

William said...

How can a salami possibly be considered a health food? A kosher salami sounds like American Spirit cigarettes. It is claimed that American Spirit cigarettes does not use additives. Only those carcinogens found in nature. Kosher salami--only those nitrates approved by God..... If any weasel claimed "healthism" in my prison, I would him feed tofu and bean sprouts until he broke.

donttread2010 said...

"The lawyer came up with "Festivus," and the judge accepted that. "

(head scratch)

I heard a friend once say that a judge is merely a law student that grades his own papers.

virgil xenophon said...

This is funny Ha Ha alright--until one realizes that these kind of characters and their zany powers of logic and reason increasingly have almost absolute power over whether we we live or die and exactly how we are to live our lives on a daily basis.

Larry J and donttread2010 pretty well bracket the target.

Leather Daddy said...

My heart goes out to Mr. King. Sticks of meat like salami and pepperoni can be deeply enjoyable. But to satisfy those nutritional requirements, I do recommend cucumbers, bananas and, for the more adventurous, eggplant.

Titus said...

It's fucking cold out here and in many parts of the city you can't see the blacktop on the roads.

I hate driving in this shit. I drive like a grandma because I am in total fear I am going to spin out and roll under a semi and it is going to crush my rare clumbers and me.

I hate this weather. It is depressing. It is never this cold out east.

Hold me.

Titus said...

BTW when I was driving today my car temp said "0".

donttread2010 said...

@Titus

Our beloved ex-mayor of Buffalo, Jimmy Griffin, once offered this advice for those enduring a typical Buffalo snowstorm back in 1985: "...go home, grab a six pack, and watch a good football game..."

donttread2010 said...

We're getting socked pretty good today with lake-effect snows off Lake Ontario. Its 15 degrees, and we have what is termed 'snow freezing fog'. Perfect hot-tubbing weather!!!

reader_iam said...

Don't you all just love the last line of the linked piece?

No word if Festivus celebrations are allowed in ICE** detention.

**Immigration and Customs Enforcement

Mitch H. said...

Wait, the judge prompted a lawyer and his client to defraud the state by offering a take-over until he came up with something plausable to sustain his bullshit religious discrimination brief? Why isn't this clown a textbook subject for impeachment?

rdkraus said...

Mitch

After I laughed (because what else can we do, really?), I had the same thought as you.

The Elder said...

I have always wanted to celebrate Festivus just so I could lead the Airing of Grievances. "I got a lot of problems with you people! And now, you're gonna hear about it!"

Aaah. A true family holiday. What could be better?

Crimso said...

The guy shouldn't be allowed to claim "Festivus" as a religion unless he can document he follows at least some of the tenets of the religion. Airing of the Grievances, Feats of Strength, the aluminum pole, etc. Besides which, "Festivus" was not conceived as a religion but rather as a holiday. He should just as easily have been able to claim his religion as Armistice Day.

Marc said...

But salami is actually incorporated into Festivus -- it all starts off with the Meats of Strength!

Donald Douglas said...

"Theo Lacy jail in Orange."

That's my 'hood! LOL!

Never actually seen the inside, thank goodness, and folks can get a meal across the street at The Block of Orange. Jail food? That's too "urban" for me anyway! Wait ... not supposed to say stuff like that!!

tim maguire said...

The government has no authority to distinguish between legitimate and illegitimate religions.

The real answer to Alarmo's problem is that the state has no right to give special privileges (better, more expensive, or just different, meals) to people based on their religion.

john said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Paul Zrimsek said...

Without the Airing of Grievances there'd be no such thing as law.

Larry J said...

I heard a friend once say that a judge is merely a law student that grades his own papers.

I've long suspected that many judges are nothing more failed lawyers with the political connections to get a lifetime gig.

Since the law seems so much like a religion (and many people seemt treat it as one), does it violate the Establishment Clause?

RichardS said...

If it's for health, why kosher meals, and not vegetarian? Kosher meats tend to be very high in salt, since salt is used to leach extra blood out of the meat.

Trooper York said...

I am pretty sure that someone is going to try to feed him a salami in jail. Just sayn'

deborah said...

@ The Elder: I love Festivus.

Class factotum said...

American Spirits cigarettes. Making liberals feel good about smoking again.

hombre said...

“...the law is a ass — a idiot."

ricpic said...

You haven't lived till you've had the salami on rye at Katz's. Slather on the Gulden's, side order of fries and a Doctor Brown's Cel-Ray Tonic.

After, you loosen your belt and just sit there, percolating.

Meade said...

@The Elder, do it! Especially the Airing of Grievances. Mother will... love it.

Penny said...

This could all be resolved sans the legal eagles if we served Chinese in prison, precisely as we do at Walmart.

No take-out though.

Peter said...

Since it seems to be nearly impossible to unseat a Judge, at what point will we hang them from lap posts? Seems we are just about there.

BEK477 said...

Ann,
Law offers the prospectivve believer no transcendental experience ike good salami.

The practice of law does not offer its practioners either absolution from sin or the attainment of a non-earthly paradise. Salami at least offers the paradise of fresh meat preserved with taste spices. And salami comes in a wide variety of sizes guarrenteed to fit every user's need.

The practice of law frequently burns calories where as the consunption of salami only adds calories.

The money spent on a good legal education from an abouve average law school would be enough to fund a new, tidy deli.

The administration of law frequently punishes the innocent. Using a salami on a by-stander seldom kills him.

Girls date guys with JDs. But girls go home with guys who wield big salamis.

RichardS said...

From a traditional Jewish standpoint, of course, it's impossible to separate law from "religion."

Misty said...

I always celebrate my religion of healthism with a tofu salami, sitting round the aluminum pole on the Festivus - it's legal. Good times.

hehe

Fred4Pres said...

Last time I checked Katz' site, they had salami and pastrami on the menu. Yeah I know, Katz is more kosher style than kosher, but I think their meat qualifies.

It is hardly cheap at twenty bucks plus a pound.