April 14, 2010

"Some people might 'really need their downtime'..."

"... and seek out 'isolation that avoids all social intercourse.' Others may have developed an 'avoidant attachment style' in childhood, resulting in 'a need to prove to themselves that they don’t need anybody'...."

20 comments:

bagoh20 said...

Hey, are you stalking me?

Jason (the commenter) said...

Or, in other words: if you don't think like "everyone else", there's something wrong with you. That's exactly the mentality I expect from the New York Times and why I don't regularly read them.

edutcher said...

We are herd/pack animals, basically. Occasionally, there is the 'bunch quitter' who comes across to us as odd because the behavior really is odd, in the sense of out of the ordinary.

For several years, I was pretty much alone, as I had a lot of issues in my life. Eventually, I decided I needed the things the rest of the world took for granted and changed the way I lived. The 'time' he talks about seems to me to be an illusion - in the end you look back and wish it hadn't been lost.

Interesting to note he has all the trappings of 'normal' life (girlfriend, family), but only on his own terms. So this may just be a big ego trip.

Penny said...

All alone...Just not SO alone they couldn't be found for a NYT's interview.

traditionalguy said...

Remember in the Meyers-Briggs personality types, all 16 of them. The first split is into introversion (that gets energy from within and needs down time), and into extrovertion (that needs energy from others and needs company). This NYT dude also mentions the hated "avoidant Attachment" style that does so much damage to Anxious types that never give up trying to please them. This is a well written article. Our extroverted Professor seems to have enjoyed it.

Eric said...

Hah. Living on my own island sounds like paradise. If I could figure out a way to work the money I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Pogo said...

I thought that's what alcohol was for.

Just Lurking said...

From the article:
“I’m not a misanthropic recluse sort of guy,” he said. “I just know that I’d rather be here by myself.”

Reminds of a line from the movie "Barfly" : No, [I don't hate people,] but I seem to feel better when they're not around.

Penny said...

Tg, introversion and extroversion are on a sliding scale.

Just for the sake of discussion, think of it this way....

Intro 10....5....10 Extro

Most of us hang around the 5, give or take a few in either direction. For all practical purposes, a 6 or 7 "introvert" and a 6 or 7 "extrovert" have more commonality with each other than they would with a 10 from their dominant side.

We all know "loners", but these guys are 10's on the Meyers Briggs scale for introversion. Think of them as the skinheads or the KKK in political terms. They're on the sliding scale in our two party system...but OUT >>> THERE.

kentuckyliz said...

I'm an ENFP and lean towards the E polarity only by one point. I have a balanced need for company and solitude.

That is why I'm the apostolic anchoress.

Happy in my hermitage, my sanctuary;

Yet venturing into the world to serve others.

I need both.

Calypso Facto said...

Mr. Glasheen has sun, surf, sand, a dog, and "half a dozen very good female friends". Is there a downside?!?

Shanna said...

Meyers-Briggs

This is exactly what I thought about. The world has introverts and extroverts.

Living on an island by yourself, and visiting town once a week to see your gf/bf and family. I think that would sound awesome to a lot of people.

Calypso Facto said...

Wait..."half a dozen very good female friends" WHO DON'T STAY. What's the downside?!?

There--fixed. :)

k*thy said...

“So this may just be a big ego trip.”

To a very large degree, that’s true for the the uber-self-sustainers. As much as I enjoy my solitude, I can sometimes *enjoy* it too much. Most of these stories even realize that. As much as can pride ourselves in going it alone, we really do need each other, as hard as that is to admit.

bagoh20 said...

Loners have always been plentiful and more so than the anyone knows for obvious reasons. Their need for solitude is just like the need for company. When a loner finally gets alone after a bout of socializing it is enormously relieving and satisfying and the thought of it can be exciting; very similar to the anticipation of having company

We often try to force loners out to socialize, but we never encourage extroverts to go somewhere alone for a while and think, relax and calm yourself.

As a loner, I think loners get too much attention.

Fred4Pres said...

I think we all could use some down time (which is really up time).

k*thy said...

"As a loner, I think loners get too much attention."

Yes, it's a jungle out there...and I totally agree.

paul a'barge said...

Take a look at the photos. That Fahey guy may be 67 but he doesn't look a day over 55.

Maybe I need to get my arse off the grid.

Kirby Olson said...

There are a lot of people on the islands in Puget Sound living quietly on ten acres or so, and rarely talking with anyone else.

I did it myself for a month.

I expected to find the neighbors to be interesting, but they were generally people that couldn't get along with other people, and decided to move out there where their bad edges wouldn't be so felt. But I think this exacerbated their lack of social skills.

I hated it, although I enjoyed the beauty of the islands.

c3 said...

Hmmm

Maybe an extreme example of this