Not so bad on the falsetto, but between the fake emotion bullshit and the stupid hand gestures and the "can you believe uteruses" fake-out macho/not-macho daddy-card, not to mention letting the backup singers carry 90% of the load which I didn't even consider he would do but makes total sense, and the camera shaking all over like it's giving birth to the stupidest cow of a baby as we're watching, and some unending glory note out of nowhere and for no reason, and mangling the lyrics into nonsensical, and generally being a total dickhead in every way, we're going to forget this happened. Trash-eeeeeeeee.Thank you. I feel cleansed now. Took me a couple seconds to understand "Babies are the new dead people." That's not a reference to dead babies. It's a reference to the way last year on "American Idol," a contestant was promoted ahead of the others because his wife had died. This year, we're supposed to go all soft over the fact that this man's wife had a baby. We were supposed to be impressed that he auditioned while she was going through labor.
Jackson, of course, wraps his hand firmly around the shaft of Mike's life-giving penis. Ellen blah-blahs. Kara loses her fucking mind and puddles herself into some kind of empty-womb barren having-it-all bullshit that I hate to see happen, both as a humanist and as a feminist, and Simon angles for a blowie from his new girlfriend by going similarly nuts on how babies are great and semen is magic and ovaries can fly and whatever, I mean, you know I am Baby Crazy and I like ladies more than people who Like Ladies, but give me a fucking break and I'll say it again: Babies are the new dead people. The mothereffing end. I haven't anything left.
March 11, 2010
TWOP on Michael Lynche on "American Idol":