December 13, 2009

Tiger Woods will pay "$15 million per floozy."

In lost winnings and endorsements.

Expensive!

And that's just the first year. That's not calculating the lifetime loss... and not putting a dollar value on family and reputation.

Here's the picture The NY Post chose to illustrate this story:


65 comments:

AllenS said...

It will be a close shave, if his marriage holds up.

Michael Hasenstab said...

Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen are signed to co-author a novel called "Brotherhood of the Traveling Penis", which will be released for sale in time for Valentines Day. Rachel Uchitel has been hired to handle the book tour.

As for Mr.and Mrs. Woods, look for Mrs. Woods to file for divorce shortly after Christmas.

dbp said...

Tiger seems to be searching for the right chord, but the other guy is seriously risking a cut finger or two.

Ron said...

The best a man can get?

former law student said...

I dunno -- Bill Clinton seems to have done fairly well following the same M.O.: having one's bodyguards hit on hot chicks for you to sleep with.

Florida said...

It's important for Americans to see where their Gillette razor blade money is going.

Straight from you, to Gillette, then to Tiger Woods endorsements, and then into the G-strings of prostitutes trapped in the sex trade right here in America.

The message is clear: If you buy Gillette razors and other products, you're supporting the enslavement of America's poor girls into degrading sex work.

Don't Buy Gillette Razors.

Why can't Gillette sponsor nice safe golfers who respect women ... like that good boy Phil Michelson?

Maguro said...

The Post assumes the 12 floozies we know about were the only ones, which is probably wrong by an order of magnitude. My guess would be about $500K per floozy if you accounted for all the ones we don't know about.

Maybe the University of East Anglia could build a computer model to look into this further.

former law student said...

Why can't Gillette sponsor nice safe golfers who respect women

Or just limit their endorsers to women golfers, like Michelle Wie. Surely women, with their greater expanse of shavable skin, are by far the greatest market.

bearbee said...

...but his financial future is now at stake.

Oh dear, down to his last half billion dollars is he?

Bissage said...

Sometimes it's difficult to understand why God invented television by which all this is made possible.

EDH said...

The last thing I'd ever do is hand Tiger's wife a razor, if you know what I mean ;)

Beth said...

Michael H. at 10:26 - ha!

vbspurs said...

Floozy is a fun word. One of the most annoying facets of the Tiger Woods' mistress scandals is that TMZ is rife with commenters spelling it "ho's", using the possessive and not the plural as they think it is.

Like that Eats, Shoots, Leaves lady, I HATE incorrect placed apostrophe esses. I'm such a battleaxe.

Cheers,
Victoria

vbspurs said...

incorrectly placed, even. Great I get the possessive right but not the adverb.

vbspurs said...

Incidentally, I hadn't remembered that Gatorade's slogan was "Is it in you?".

Yeah, you can see why they had to drop Tiger.

Ritmo Brasileiro said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ritmo Brasileiro said...

I was always curious as to why just about any long object could get tagged as a "phallic symbol". I mean, a modern razor makes for an especially strange phallic symbol. Given the sharp blades at what one would figure is the elongated base of said symbol, you'd think that most guys wouldn't be too keen to imagine cutting objects so close to their balls. But what do they know about phallic symbols? Silly men!

Women who know at least as much about a penis to know that are definitely worthy of respect.

EDH said...

I was always curious as to why just about any long object could get tagged as a "phallic symbol".

That's because in your case we make an exception.

William said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ritmo Brasileiro said...

That's because in your case we make an exception.

So calling someone you don't like a "dick" is no longer an effective put-down?

Or do you paint flesh-like features on every long fixture in your abode, EDH?

Stephen Snell said...

victoria,

It should, technically, be written:

'ho's

Because it derives from "whores," meaning there're apostrophe marks for the w and the re.

If you accept "ho" as its own word, however, then yes, I'd agree, "hos" would be proper, despite any protests from the Ponderosa.

William said...

Tiger Woods slept with a bunch of women. One of the them, a porn star, claimed that the voracity of his desire wore her out. What young man when choosing to buy a razor would wish to associate himself with such moral depravity?

Michael Hasenstab said...

BREAKING!!: Tiger Woods rushed to hospital with facial injuries. Was allegedly working in the garden and asked Elin "where's the hoe at?"

vbspurs said...

LOL.

vbspurs said...

Good point, Stephen! But yes, I use "ho" not as a contraction but as a corruption of whores, hence no apostrophe ess. ;)

titus said...

I love the ho that was interviewed and said the sex wasn't like married sex.

titus said...

I wouldn't mind doing Fareed Zarkia. Do you think he is cut or uncut? I would definitely do Dan Senor. Fareed has nice lips.

vbspurs said...

Fareed Zakaria looks like a shark. In other words, a tan Jessica Simpson.

titus said...

My British/Indian husband keeps his uncut hog very clean, thanks for asking.

No cheese or smegma is involved.

Ritmo Brasileiro said...

If Jessica Simpson's lips count as noticeably large in VB's book then she must be spending too much time with "the greys".

edutcher said...

Didn't I recall everyone saying how revelation of his miscues wouldn't hurt his endorsements?

Florida said...

Straight from you, to Gillette, then to Tiger Woods endorsements, and then into the G-strings of prostitutes trapped in the sex trade right here in America

Most of the "mistresses" jumped into bed with him of their own volition and now intend to make money off of it. As to the "escorts", if they're trapped, it's their own doing. Kicking the drugs or whatever is something they have to do on their own.

vbspurs said...

Floozy is a fun word. One of the most annoying facets of the Tiger Woods' mistress scandals is that TMZ is rife with commenters spelling it "ho's", using the possessive and not the plural as they think it is.

Bless you, Madame. I thought I was a voice crying, etc. You had the same education I did. The only thing more aggravating than watching the illiterati fumble plural and possessive is their attempts to scale plural possessive.

PS Last time I looked, "fun" was a noun, not an adjective, although the current generation, educated under the tutelage of William Ayers, wouldn't know one from the other.

Not picking a fight, just another one of those annoying things that can only be chalked up to lousy education of the younger generation and it has entered the lexicon, at least temporarily.

That you see the whole plural/possessive thing correctly makes my day.

Big Mike said...

Mary Grabar asks the right question. Not sure if I buy her answer completely.

Somewhere along the line we've failed to educate young women about some basic things:

(1) Pixels are forever. If you let somebody take a nude picture of you (or you take it yourself and go sexting) you'll never know when the last copy has been deleted.

(2) The guy to whom you're providing sexual favors will not leave his wife and kids for you. He can get as good or better than what you're offering as easily as he got you.

Ralph L said...

That picture is kinda gay.
Surely women, with their greater expanse of shavable skin,
Your wife shaves her chest and butt cheeks?

Brian said...

Tiger Woods is not a businessman; he's not using his cash as capital to start or participate in businesses. So to him, it shouldn't really matter whether he loses a few hundred million dollars. In terms of personal and family health, security, and luxury, there's very little you can do with 600 million that you cannot do with 20 million. And Tiger Woods will be left with a lot more than 20 million.

save_the_rustbelt said...

How is Santa Claus different from Tiger Woods?

(scroll down)










Santa stops at three "hos"

Florida said...

Accenture has decided that the Fitty-Cent whore act put on by Tiger Woods and his stable of bitches isn't what they signed up for.

They've announced they will no longer sponsor the prostitute-employing ex-golfer.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704121504574594320145358630.html?mod=googlenews_wsj

Cedarford said...

Echo Brian - 15 million per sounds like a lot to ordinary proles, but not to a Soros, Woods, Geffen, Ellison, Gates, or Bloomberg.

A comparison would be we pay to go to Outback Steakhouse and still have lots left for car, house, kids, even a vacation or two and 2,000 worth of essential Chinese-made crap...all without batting an eye. But all a Somali family of 15 would see watching us eat at Outback then watching our leftovers, which we gave no thought to leaving --as a wasted feast for 15 for 2 days. NO doubt sad for us that we "lost" so much good food now going into a restaurant garbage can...

15 million a bimbo? Scraps that in will no way hinder Wood's standard of living. It just looks like an impressive sum to people in another economic universe.

Soros is another example. He "blew" 220 million on candidates and anti-American media campaigns in the last 5 years? No matter. Not only is he able to afford it without batting an eye, the money he laid out that found fertile ground allowed him to be wired even deeper into the top levels of Ruling Elites in government and finance in DC, NYC, London, Russia, Zurich, Shanghai & HK, and Tel Aviv.
Some people estimate that since he knew about the financial meltdown and what the gov'ts had to do to bail out his fellow bankers, he was able to position his wealth to harvest another 2 to 2.3 billion in the funds coming from the masses to save the financiers.

Not a bad investment for 220 million. As a wealthy non-Jew, JD Rockefeller purportedly said, a single bought politician or Wall Street mover is a huge asset...but hundreds of bought ones means you get to call the shots.

Penny said...

Tiger Woods is an obsessive. He was addicted to golf and sex, and has now gone cold turkey on both.

I wish him well.

jordy said...

Check out "The Ballad Of Tiger (Cheetah)Woods"

@ youtube.com/thisisjohnnyblack

Roman said...

His spokesman will just say: "Tiger already gave at the office."

Florida said...

"Or just limit their endorsers to women golfers ..."

Because they're getting more pussy than even Tiger Woods is!

jeff said...

"The superstar swinger has earned an estimated $1 billion over his career, but his financial future is now at stake."

Wow. A self refuting idiotic statement. How did that make it thru all the layers of editing? I suppose he has to get on a budget now? Try not to blow that billion before he can find work again? Yes, that will be a sad day when Tiger and the family are getting in the soup line.

Almost Ali said...

This story has reached its half-life.

Let us move on, bravely, into the night.

ron nord said...

What Tiger is doing to his mistresses', Obama is doing to the American People.

John said...

What Tiger is doing to his mistresses', Obama is doing to the American People.

There is a huge difference: Tiger paid and is paying for it out of his OWN pocket, and most of those women actually got (or will be getting) some sort of recompense for their participation.

HT said...

John, you didn't watch Dateline two nights ago. He doesn't pay. Even when they asked him directly for money.

Lem said...

Tiger was a stiff.

sww said...

The PGA will miss El Tigre more than he will miss them. I predict that The Striped One will appear in a European, Middle Eastern, or Asian tournament more than once in 2010, but not in a PGA event.

When the PGA gets the word out that its time to stop hammering their guy, and puts pressure on the advertisers, Tiger will show up again, with his family in tow.

And some of these PGA players need to keep their heads on a swivel; there are a lot of ambitious ex-girlfriends and ladies of easy virtue out there who have stories to tell about them, too.

Everything said...

Hey Michael Hasenstab: I enjoyed your wry comment which made me chuckle. It reminded me of my dad's wit; he was a Nebraskan. You are a midwesterner per your profile.

Not so sure about your prediction, though I do see a high degree of healtfulness in it for Elin. It is important to remember that Tammy Wynette's big hit "Stand by your Man" was referring to her hubby who regularly beat the c--p out of her. So a rather sicko song when you know the facts.

T' serial adultery is a form of abandonment and abuse. I hope Elin's self respect leads her to good choices for herself and kids.

I think Elin deserved more respect than she got. Since that factor was trampled to the ground via Tiger's self-gratifying rush to get at these groupies, if she decides to leave, I hope she gets mucho $$ instead.

Don't get mad; get even. heh heh heh.

Nomilk said...

"phallic symbol"?


Sometimes a razor is just a good shave.

Eli Blake said...

If this was the army, Tiger would lose his stripes.

Instead, he's getting declawed.

On the other hand, he's lucky. He could have married Lorena Bobbitt.

vbspurs said...

Sometimes a razor is just a good shave.

And sometimes a Tiger is just a good lay.

Florida said...

How whores work (traditional):

Whore stands on streetcorner. Car pulls up. "Hey, baby ... want to go out on a date?" "How much." "$20 dolla." Whore gets in the car, guy drives around the corner to a dark alley. Whore blows him. $20 changes hands. Whore gets out and walks back to her streetcorner. Guy drives off.

How whores work (for Tiger Woods):

Tiger hires an "event planner." He pays her 6 figures and gives her an 9-figure budget. It is the event planners job to make sure that Tiger woods gets laid every time he goes out without having to shell out any cash. The event planner is to make events happen with no input from Tiger Woods. He shows up, and voila girls are there, willing to do whatever he wants whenever he wants and with whoever he wants and how ever many he wants as many times as he wants.

No money changes hands with the "client."

The girls get paid whether Tiger "chooses" them or not. For the girls, it's an appearance fee. They show up where they're told to looking hot. If he asks them into the back room, they go to the back room. Or not. Either way, it's up to the girls.

Of course if they choose not to go to the back room, the client doesn't have a good time. If that happens, then the client lets the event planner know he didn't have a good time - and asks why he's paying her six figures a year to jack off in the limo on the ride home.

The girl who wouldn't go to the back room is never invited to the party again and girl #2,307 is hired to start attending the parties.

It's very expensive. But this way, Tiger can't be arrested for hiring hookers.

Maxine Weiss said...

Someone doesn't know the difference between a floozy and a hussy.

Lem said...

Its good that Tiger got caught.

Everytime Tiger got laid there was another abandoned baby cub litter w/o a mother waiting, hoping for a zoo to take them.

Tiger was an environmental catastrophe.

Alex said...

I started using Gillette razors before the Tiger, and I'll continue using them AFTER him. They're the best razors on the market period. Mach 5 rules.

Alex said...

Florida- that's a nice breakdown of how Tiger gets his sexual services. How the fuck do you know so much about this stuff?

Almost Ali said...

List this one under; You can't make this stuff up: Ashley Dupre has a new John, the NYPOST.

Have a question about love, well, just "Ask Ashley," Elliot Spitzer's ex-call girl; http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/spitzer_babe_answers_4duaVqTCJHA38suGawuaiM

This proves "something," but I'm not sure what)

careen said...

Some do the incorrect apostrophe on purpose. Hos just doesn't translate. It looks like a singular noun rather than a plural. Hoes seems like a garden hoe. Ho's gets the point across - unfortunately..

Penny said...

"Nomilk said.. "phallic symbol"?"

"Sometimes a razor is just a good shave."

Unless it's a razor clam, which is most definitely a phallic symbol.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDEHn4fBPhA

Trish said...

I'd say, with respect to the whole Hos or Ho's debate, there needs to be a new character added to Wingdings or some such; a boldfaced, minuscule 's' that could follow words that require a plural form but don't read correctly when properly written.

I say HUSSY, not FLOOZY. FLOOZY might be aptly applied to the Bar Flies, but it doesn't really convey more than a typical party girl. HUSSY or TRAMP, rather, doesn't leave incentive to questioning.

(Waiting to get flamed by the Uber-Femis. See - I could use that 'S' right about now.)

Florida said...

"Florida- that's a nice breakdown of how Tiger gets his sexual services. How the fuck do you know so much about this stuff?"

Because it's not a "breakdown of how Tiger gets his sexual services" ... it's a breakdown of how all insanely rich sports stars get their sexual services.

And it's not just sports stars. All rich people work this way. It's how they stay out of jail.

Look ... John Edwards said "there are two Americas." And he should know. In old America, it's illegal to hire a prostitute and it's illegal to be a prostitute.

In their other America, in Tiger Woods' America, in John Edwards' America, there is no such thing as a prostitute.

They're just known as "girls."

Alex said...

Florida - didn't Spitzer try the "event planning" thing to no avail? I guess if the gubmit wants you bad enough nothing will save you.

Shanna said...

Some do the incorrect apostrophe on purpose. Hos just doesn't translate. It looks like a singular noun rather than a plural.

Yeah, when I see “hos” I think of some cheesy western…howdy hos!

It is important to remember that Tammy Wynette's big hit "Stand by your Man" was referring to her hubby who regularly beat the c--p out of her.

However, I’m pretty sure Tammy Wynette left George Jones because he wouldn’t stop drinking (I’m not sure if that’s who the song was about, though). Wiki tells me she actually divorced several other men. I think it was funny when Hillary said she wasn’t Tammy Wynette standing by her man, since Tammy Wynette actually DID leave her husband’s for various reason, whereas Hillary stuck around, so she was more of a “stand by your man” girl than Tammy Wynette.

former law student said...

Yeah, when I see “hos” I think of some cheesy western…howdy hos!

Hos Cartwright?

I thought I remembered that Hostess spelled their rolled snack cakes as Ho-Ho's. But I see from their website it's Ho-Hos.