November 27, 2009

Tiger Woods seriously injured after crashing his car into a fire hydrant... and then into a tree.

This happened at 2:25 a.m. as he was pulling out of his own driveway. 

AND: The police say it was not alcohol related.

IN THE COMMENTS: save_the_rustbelt said:
The only thing that would make me leave my house at that time, without alcohol but out of control, would be a raging fight with my wife.

84 comments:

edutcher said...

Hope he'll be OK. Stuff, as they say, happens and driving in the dark can always be a challenge.

I really hate most SUVs; they're really trucks, but people approach them, for the most part, as if they were cars. Add to that the ever-present phone in the ear (not to mention people doing homework, reading maps, smoking and eating, and, my personal fave, applying eyeliner at 60 mph) and you have more near-misses than even God can manage.

Diamondhead said...

Losing control while pulling out of one's own driveway, hitting a fire hydrant and then a tree, and suffering serious injuries without being under the influence of alcohol is a story as old as the automobile.

Kev said...

(the other kev)

This is why you don't use a driver for short distances.

Seriously, hope he's okay.

The Drill SGT said...

Domestic Disturbance?

If there really was no alcohol involved, you have to ask the next two questions.

1. why leave the house at 2AM in such a rush
2. Why was he in such a state that he could not control himself and/or the SUV?

for better or worse, I'm certain we'll learn more than we want to about it.

The Drill SGT said...

same thought StRB

mine took more words

Ann Althouse said...

If I had to guess who in the world had the best control over his mind and body, I would have guessed Tiger Woods. So why could this happen?

Like Save the Rustbelt, I thought the most likely explanation was a terrible fight with his wife.

blake said...

I bet rustbelt is right. Fight with the missus. (Barring some family tragedy.)

Awful.

Rialby said...

They're saying he's been released. I hope he's ok.

The Drill SGT said...

edutcher said...
I really hate most SUVs


People have such a sense of invincibility in an SUV, as though spending a lot of money on a Tank exempts you from the basic laws of physics.

I have news... I used to drive a Tank and they are 60 tons of cold rolled malevolent steel. SUVs are just smaller

Michael Hasenstab said...

How many strokes did he take for going off the cart path?

______

I hope that he's okay. Fight with the missus, perhaps. Passed out due to a medical condition, perhaps. Might have been attempting to drive to a hospital in lieu of having an ambulance come to his house.

rcocean said...

Should have used his driver. And where was he going at 230 AM? To hit some clubs?

WV - Card Sob

The Drill SGT said...

FHP said the crash is still under investigation. It said alcohol did not play a role in the crash, but that charges are pending.

John Lynch said...

I'll leave sometimes if I can't sleep and need to write something. I go to Denny's. The staff are very happy to see me because I'm not drunk, don't bother anyone, and tip well.

I have no idea why Tiger Woods was out, and no one else, does either. Except maybe Tiger Woods.

Maybe he has a security gate camera?

lamobe said...

I hope Tiger is OK. Maybe he had to catch a flight out at that time of the morning. It's possible that a deer could have run out in front of him and he tried to avoid hitting it.

Jim said...

Coincidence?

From D-listed today:

Remember Rachel Uchitel? She's the one that Star Magazine said was doing illegal fucky times with the very-married David Boreanaz? Well, it looks like Rachel's bull dozer vagina is now wreaking havoc on Tiger Wood's picture perfect home.

According to the National Enquirer (insert obligatory side-eye here), Tiger has been stepping out on his wife of six years and his two children.

fivewheels said...

As long as we're all speculating wildly, I'd mention that not all of us lead 9-to-5 lives, and 2:25 a.m. isn't that strange to a lot of people, especially celeb types.

Current reports make it sound as if the "serious" condition he was in might have just been bleeding. He's been released, so maybe it just sounded worse than it was. Hope so.

AllenS said...

We will never know the real story. Period.

Andy said...

So seriously injured that he is now out of the hospital and his agent says he is fine.

Michael Hasenstab said...

Tigers caddy told him "Not the Escalade. The driveway's not that long. You'll overshoot it. Use the Audi and shorten your grip."

But did he listen? Noooo. Had to go for the distance.

Robin said...

No alcohol, huh? Musta been in a hurry to get to a Black Friday sale.

Bissage said...

Your many clever jokes and jibes have brightened my day but I came here for some crass Asian driver humor and I am now leaving somewhat disappointed. This said, it would be only proper to mention that I have googled Rachel Uchitel and that I fully expect her to figure prominently in my dreams tonight and that I consider this something of a fair compensation.

Pat said...

Charges pending, but no alcohol? Dude had the munchies and was jonesing for a Jack in the Box supertaco.

Duh.

Lem said...

Could he had been asleep?

Sleepwalkers arise from the slow wave sleep stage in a state of low consciousness and perform activities that are usually performed during the day. These activities can be as benign as sitting up in bed, walking to the bathroom, and cleaning, or as hazardous as cooking, driving, violent gestures, or even homicide.

He was on his way to play a couple of rounds ;)

Lem said...

@ Michael H - lol

blake said...

Yeah, I can't remember the last time I actually went to bed before 2:30AM. That is not inherently suspicious.

Er, I hope.

Michael Hasenstab said...

According to the National Enquirer (insert obligatory side-eye here), Tiger has been stepping out on his wife of six years and his two children.

Now that there's the kind of thing that'll knock a hole in a fella's net worth right quick. Not to mention endorsement terminus.

Ralph L said...

applying eyeliner at 60 mph
Last year, a woman passed me at 75 mph while putting on her false eyelashes.

The Drill SGT said...

Bissage said...
I have googled Rachel Uchitel and that I fully expect her to figure prominently in my dreams tonight
.


You and Tiger can fight over Rachel.

I'll go console Elin Nordegren in her grief :)

Lem said...

As I recall Mike Tyson drove a Bentley into a tree during a marital melee.

Any similarity stated or implied is purely coincidental .. im sure ;)

Michael Hasenstab said...

I'll go console Elin Nordegren in her grief :)

Maybe her twin sister Josefine will be there. The Nordegren sisters.

MayBee said...

Years ago, my best friend/neighbor was the wife of a professional athlete. They didn't follow the "normal" hours because they didn't have to. Especially in the off-season, they could do what they wanted when the mood struck them.

The Woods also have a baby at home. He could have been leaving the house for any number of reasons.

rhhardin said...

Early to bed, early to rise.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Tiger Woods' wife used a golf club to smash out the back window of his Cadillac Escalade and get her injured husband out of the SUV after he smashed it into a fire hydrant

Count me really sceptical. Good cover. If she were trying to get him out of a crashed car she would break the side window where she would have access to the door locks.

Breaking the back window....hmmm.... OR whacking his car while he tries to make a fast get away?** I wonder if the bruises, cuts and blood on his face match a 3 wood? Where are the Miami CSI guys?

**This is what I would probably do...just saying. Don't ask my first husband about fillet knives and auto upholstery.

Adele Mundy said...

I think Tiger is ready for his own reality show now.

AJ Lynch said...

Tiger may have been headed to the hospital because he had an erection that lasted more than four hours. That should not be surprising to you if you have seen pics of his wife!

save_the_rustbelt said...

The latest carefully groomed story, as pointed out by DBQ, is Mrs. Woods rushing to his aid and rescuing him by whacking out the rear window with a golf club (wood? iron? sandwedge?).

How many of you women run around at night in your housecoats carrying a golf club?

The hospital put out a brief statement, apparently written in conjunction with Tiger's "people."

( I hope someday to be rich enough to have "people." Not likely.)

Hmmmmm.

Florida said...

"The police say it was not alcohol related."

Uh huh. I wonder, did the police test his blood? Did they administer a field sobriety test on the injured golfer? Did they make him say his ABCs backwards before rolling him into the ambulance?

A more thorough statement would be that the police did not conduct enough of an investigation to determine whether alcohol was a factor because Tiger Woods is not you, and he's not me.

He's Tiger Woods.

And he lives in that other America that the liberals always talk about.

Lem said...

We need somebody to hack Tigers txt messages.

We may have another case of somebody 'hiding the decline' ;)

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Uh huh. I wonder, did the police test his blood?


Or hers either?
:-P

Michael Hasenstab said...

I'm certain that this unfortunate incident has an explanation that, when presented to the skeptical public, will cause it to be fully resolved.

It may well be that they had a heated discussion about who was the better singer, Miley Cyrus or Taylor Swift. This would not be unheard of. William and Hillary Clinton were known to engage in spirited discussions about whether the Cowsills were better singers than the Brady Bunch.

Young Eldrick will take a mulligan on his drive and they will live happily ever after.

Michael Hasenstab said...

Tiger Woods' wife used a golf club to smash out the back window of his Cadillac Escalade and get her injured husband out of the SUV after he smashed it into a fire hydrant

So she stopped to grab a golf club before she ran down the driveway to the accident scene? What was she going to do with that club?

She wouldn't have known that a window needed to be broken out until she reached the scene.

Fishy.

Not A Hillbilly said...

Tiger Woods has been a class act over the last decade. He deserves a mulligan on this one.

MayBee said...

OK, even I have to say the idea his wife hit the car with the golf club to rescue him is quite fishy.

I hope they will be ok.

amba said...

Here's another possibility:

AMBIEN and AMBIEN CR are treatment options you and your doctor can consider along with lifestyle changes. When taking either of them, don’t drive or operate machinery. Plan to devote 7 to 8 hours to sleep before being active. Sleepwalking, and eating or driving while not fully awake, with memory loss for the event, as well as abnormal behaviors such as being more outgoing or aggressive than normal, confusion, agitation, and hallucinations may occur. Don’t take it with alcohol as it may increase these behaviors.

William said...

It doesn't say what club, Tiger's wife used. I wouuld recommend a wedge but perhaps a 9 iron with a shorter swing would work.

David said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Almost Ali said...

Based on the evidence as reported, his wife went after him with a golf club, apparently a 3-wood. No joke.

Can't imagine what it's like living the way Tiger does. With his level a fame, he's a prisoner.

And his wife, more than she bargained for. Probably too much.

David said...

Tiger, Tiger, that wasn't too bright.
Grabbin' the Caddy and takin' flight.
Perhaps the very lovely Ellin
Some Tiger hanky-pank was smellin'?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what pussy fried thee thy brain?
What the putter? What the wood?
What, her lawyer? Gonna whup you good.

[Deep apologies to William Blake}

edutcher said...

The Drill SGT said...

edutcher said...
I really hate most SUVs


People have such a sense of invincibility in an SUV, as though spending a lot of money on a Tank exempts you from the basic laws of physics.

I have news... I used to drive a Tank and they are 60 tons of cold rolled malevolent steel. SUVs are just smaller


Reminds of the line by Patton (maybe Omar Bradley) to the effect that more guys got shot riding in half-tracks because they thought they were in a tank and "went all heroic".

That only works in George C Scott movies.

WV "anuff" A unit of measure, as, "I've had a nuff, one more will be too much"

AllenS said...

Fore!

Michael Hasenstab said...

Mebbe Tiger was going out to practice putting or driving. Could be.

Maybe he has an arrangement with a club that lets him show up in the wee hours when there aren't others around to bother him for autographs, etc. They turn on the lights at the putting green and he can tap one thousand practice puts, something he is known to do each day.

He had forgotten a driver, and Mrs. Woods was trying to wave him down and give it to him. he looked in the rear view mirror, lost track of the road and crashed.

Or something.

Ty said...

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned..I know...

I say that his 2 week road trip and the news about his trolling got her ready to rumble...

She gave him a facial with a new manicure and then went after him with a 1 iron. After she came to her senses, they decided to stage the wreck to cover up the dispute....

Freeman Hunt said...

My first thought was also a fight.

And to think, if they weren't famous, they'd just be some random people down the street from someone who messed up their car one odd night.

Freeman Hunt said...

I'm not inclined to assume they were fighting about some other woman.

They could have been fighting about any one of the million stupid things people get into silly fights about.

"What did you think of the turkey?"
"It was okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah, it was okay."
"Just okay?"
"Look, it was fine."
"Whatever."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"What?"
"Nothing. Leave me alone."
"What? Oh, that's just great! I said it was okay!"
"That means you didn't like it!"
"So what?! Why are you harassing me about it?!"
"Because the only reason that you didn't like it was that we didn't eat it at your parents' house!"
"This again!"
"Well, I'm right aren't I?"
"Well, why DIDN'T we go there?"
"We can't go every year!"
"WHY NOT?!"
"MAYBE YOU SHOULD LIKE MY TURKEY!"
"MAYBE YOUR TURKEY SUCKS!"
"MAYBE YOU SUCK!"
"SCREW YOU!"
"SCREW YOU!"

-slam -slam screech -crash -crash

blake said...

LOL @Freem

David said...

Freeman, you forgot to blame the man.

The Drill SGT said...

David said...
Freeman, you forgot to blame the man.


that was presumed

Dust Bunny Queen said...

LOL Freeman.

Seriously, the holidays are when there is more domestic violence than any other time of the year.

Based on the evidence as reported, his wife went after him with a golf club, apparently a 3-wood. No joke.

Really? I was joking about it being a 3 wood. But I have no doubt that the back window was broken before the actual crash.

Ah well.....rich people. They get a pass and the police do a Dixie two step to cover up what really happened, while Bubba and his live in girlfriend would go straight to jail. What a country, hey?

Henry said...

Here's my reading. Woods came off some tournaments in China and Australia earlier this month. He's up late, can't sleep, decides to go get some Häagen-Dazs at the local gas station, swerves to miss a coyote, boom.

Not a serious accident. Airbags did not deploy. He appears to have mashed his mouth. Likely, he was not wearing a seatbelt. Maybe he was putting on his seatbelt at the time.

I'm sure a coyote was involved.

exhelodrvr1 said...

Put a Tiger in your tank?

He got confused - he thought the saying was "Tiger grab the tail"

Almost Ali said...

I was willing to believe anything, that is, until they mentioned the golf club - certainly the handiest battle-ax in the Wood's household.

Which reminds me...

Phil Spector, not a golfer but another control freak, kept his wife Ronnie (of the Ronette's) under house arrest - I believe for years.

And somewhere in between lies the truth.

Almost Ali said...

...(I suspect the Lady Woods was the one driving the car, with Tiger in hot pursuit)

AllenS said...

She used a golf club on the car window? Does Tiger keep his golf bag by the front door? Are there random golf clubs scattered all around the house?

AllenS said...

Maybe they were both in the car. Tiger driving and the wifey was riding shotgun. Shotgun? No, can't call it that. She was pretending to be the caddy, and he said: "wash my balls." She responded with: "I'll take this mashie (obsolete golf club) and smashie you face." Then, Tiger hit the fire hydrant. The wifey, not wearing her seat belt, was ejected from the car, then, still holding onto the mashie, attempted to reenter the car from the rear, by smashing the window. To be continued...

Florida said...

MSNBC reports: "Two state troopers tried to talk to Woods on Friday evening, but his wife said he was sleeping and they agreed to come back Saturday, Montes said."

Got that? Remember that next time you destroy public property (a fire hydrant) with your vehicle at 2:25am in the morning, and you're too delierious for the police to even investigate at the scene.

Miranda gave you the right to remain silent. Woods gives you the right to sleep it off and the cops will agree to come back on Saturday.

As long as you're living on the right side of the tracks in our two Americas.

http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/34174324/ns/sports-golf/

alan markus said...

Too bad for GM that the air bags didn't deploy - On Star could have gotten some great celebrity audio for their radio ads (and Tiger Woods did do Buick commercials at one time).

On Star operator: "This is On Star - we have received notification that your air bags have deployed. Are you OK?"

Tiger Woods: "This is Tiger Woods, I'm bleeding a little bit and crazy bitch is beating on my windows with a golf club. I'm glad I have On Star, available on select GM models. You should have it too"

On Star Operator: "Police and paramedics have been dispatched"

save_the_rustbelt said...

Mrs. Rustbelt watched the news with her patients in the dementia ward (always a unique perspective) and when she came home her first comment was:

"Huh, she took a golf club to his Caddy? He should have kept it in his pants."

I do love Mrs. Rustbelt so much.

AllenS said...

I'll bet she used his Big Bertha driver.

WV: diessesh

What she yelled: die ssesh.

Michael Hasenstab said...

This morning's news reports suggest that the incident may be related to Tiger having a wandering penis, and that Tiger's facial wounds may have occurred within the friendly confines of the Woods residence.

A Thanksgiving to remember.

Almost Ali said...

I think we're about ready to discuss the property settlement.

Meanwhile, the National Enquirer discovered an attractive, buxom, New York socialite camping out in Europe recently, Spain I think, in same vicinity as Tiger Woods. Actually, she was apparently in the same city, the same hotel, the same room, and the same bed.

Which explains why the Lady Woods selected a driver rather than laying up.

Ty said...

This seems like the most logical report so far...

My post yesterday that started with "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" was deleted from this list but that part seems to be correct. This may be what happened...

On Friday, TMZ.com reported that "multiple law enforcement sources" said there was a dispute between Woods and his wife before the accident.

Later in the day, TMZ reported that Woods spoke "with a non-law enforcement type" and said Elin Woods confronted him about marital infidelity rumors, scratched his face during an argument and, when he got into the SUV, struck it several times with a golf club.

Woods became "distracted," TMZ said, thought the SUV was stopped and turned around to see what was happening. That was when, TMZ said, the vehicle hit the fire hydrant and the tree.

kentuckyliz said...

Elin married a rich and famous man, then is surprised when he takes advantage of the privileges of his position?

She needs a rendezvous with reality.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

"Huh, she took a golf club to his Caddy? He should have kept it in his pants."

What did I say? LOL Mrs. Rust_Belt and I are on the same page on this one.

Trying to rescue him my ass. More like trying to beat him senseless with the club. Yep.... no drinking involved.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Hey Liz.....it looks like we are twins or sisters or something in our avatars. Hee heee.

save_the_rustbelt said...

From the AP:

"Saylor said his two officers found the 33-year-old Woods lying in the street with his wife, Elin, hovering over him.

Saylor said Woods’ wife told officers she was in the house when she heard the accident and “broke the back window with a golf club.” He said the front-door windows were not broken and that “the door was probably locked.”

“She supposedly got him out and laid him on the ground,” he said. “He was in and out of consciousness when my guys got there.”

Hovering over him - whack - whack - whack.

Ricardo said...

Woods has now told the police to come back on Sunday, and they've agreed. I guess they needed more time to get the story straight. Or to figure out something plausible.

Almost Ali said...

The golf-club in her hand renders everything implausible, except the truth.

On the other hand, there's lots of creative people here who might come up with a feasible scenario...

Florida said...

"On the other hand, there's lots of creative people here who might come up with a feasible scenario."

Well, they're clearly getting some good legal advice now.

Look ... Tiger Woods is under no obligation to assist the police in the investigation of any crimes.

He has the right to remain silent. So does she.

Clearly, however, several Florida laws appear to have been violated:

1) Destruction of public property
2) Destruction of private property
3) Failure to maintain control of a motor vehicle.
4) Driving under the influence of a drug.

There may be mitigating circumstances. It appears that Tiger Woods may be the victim of a domestic violence crime and the Florida State troopers are clearly negligent in providing him the full and equal protection required by Florida law.

He should file a lawsuit against them.

FREE TIGER!

Almost Ali said...

Florida:

Well, the police didn't volunteer to get involved; somebody called 911, possibly a neighbor. If not for that, they'd probably prefer to just let it go.

Meanwhile, the Woods delayed the interview again, indicating they're having a difficult time coming up with a believable explanation. Not to mention that the aggrieved party, Mrs. Wood, may be in no mood to go along with the program.

Still, I'm hoping they come up with a good story, something to explain the hour and the [bloody?] golf club.

Nichevo said...

Aww, no imagination! Just imagine it was Obama and Michele and let the excuses flow!

Ricardo said...

Part of the problem ... and maybe why they're taking so long to get their story straight ... is the possibility of a domestic violence charge against the wife, if she in fact injured him or caused damage to the automobile. She may be the "wronged woman" if all the rumors are true, but she may have also been the aggressor in this incident. Much better, in these kinds of situations, to use the Jenny Sanford example as a model for action. Move out, be elegant but firm as to what is acceptable and what is unacceptable conduct, and be prepared to take action (with lawyers) if softly-spoken ultimatums are not listened to.

Florida said...

Meanwhile, the Woods delayed the interview again, indicating they're having a difficult time coming up with a believable explanation.

Or, maybe the wife has a gun to his head and isn't letting the cops in.

We have domestic violence laws for a reason. Many times, the abused spouse is too scared to file charges because of previous threats.

Assume for a moment that Tiger Woods is the victim of domestic violence perpetrated by his wife Elin. Suppose he is too scared (or injured) to allow the police in. Suppose she's threatened ... just hypothetically ... to harm her child if he has her arrested.

It is Elin who keeps turning the police away telling them Tiger is too busy sleeping to answer their queries. So reported MSNBC on Friday.

What if the situation were reversed? Let's say hypothetically that Tiger Woods found out his wife was cheating on him. Let's say he punched his wife and chased his wife with a 7-iron, destroying her vehicle as she was driving away from his abuse, and he was chasing her down the street crashing the back window in with a golf club, causing her to run off the road into a tree where she was injured.

Do you think for one moment the police would allow a male abuser to stand at the door and refuse to let them in to interview his victim?

No ... they would demand to see the victim because the law in Florida requires them to do that.

The police are violating Florida domestic violence law by refusing to intervene.

Just because the victim is a male ... just because the alleged abuser is a female ... is no reason for the police to refuse to utilize the exact same procedures.

FREE TIGER!

Jeremy said...

Loved this:

UPDATE, 11/29 12:43 AM: TMZ reports that Tiger Woods told a friend his wife had "gone ghetto" on him. More:

During the phone conversation on Friday, Tiger told his friend, "I have to run to Zales to get a 'Kobe Special.'" The person on the other end of the phone asked Tiger what a "Kobe Special" was. The reply -- "A house on a finger."

Jeremy said...

Diamondhead said..."Losing control while pulling out of one's own driveway, hitting a fire hydrant and then a tree, and suffering serious injuries without being under the influence of alcohol is a story as old as the automobile."

Not if the ol' lady is chasing you with a golf club.