September 26, 2009

What are you supposed to think when you go to your local neighborhood grocery store in Madison, Wisconsin...

... and you just want some sparkling water — mineral water, club soda, seltzer, whatever — and the store has a choice of exactly one thing, and it's this...

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...?

Possible thoughts:

1. Is this a crazy — possibly drug-induced — dream?

2. Oh, no, America is over!

3. Is this the Chocolate Factory?

4. Voluptuous women are pulchritudinous.

5. It has been determined: a. choice only makes people unhappy, b. best brand is Naleczowianka, and c. everyone must express delight with perfectly happy dance, like this:

34 comments:

Meade said...

Look, next time you send me out for fizzy water, you need to be more specific: If you don't want racist sexist water with LSD in it, just say so.

Paddy O. said...

Oddly enough, whenever I think of Madison, WI I often think of Poland.

This is absolutely the truth.

Laura(southernxyl) said...

That's all they had? No Perrier? Or La Croix?

And what a weird ad, seriously.

traditionalguy said...

This sounds more like a cult of fantasy goodness in nature than a commercial for sparkling water.Can a water distibuter be a cult? I would Stick to Evian Water, sparkle or not. In France the food is food and not a fantasy trip.

Tibore said...

LMAO Meade!

------

Hey! Word verification: watin! So close to the topic, but yet so far.

former law student said...

1. Nina is the only Madisonian who drinks sparkling water.
2. Dzien dobry, pani.

Bissage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bart Hall (Kansas, USA) said...

N zdrowie, siostra. [to your health, sister]

The water is from the Naleczow spa region in southeastern Poland, not far from Lublin. Polish orthography can be a bit daunting, but you'd pronounce it:

NAH-when-choe-vi-AHN-ka

The waters there are slightly enriched in calcium and magnesium bicarbonates. Nothing special, honestly.

Gerolsteiner is a much better source of calcium, and Apollinaris is richer in magnesium.

Somebody's probably targetting the significant Polish population in your part of the world.

Bissage said...

In Prague, in the Czech Republic, the waiters ask if you want your water “with gas.”

I laughed every time.

And then I would politely explain what was so funny and suggest they say “fizzy” or “carbonated” or “sparkling.”

That was selfish of me, of course, as I was depriving so many other Americans abroad of cheap, low-brow entertainment.

Speaking of depriving, maybe some day I'll tell the prostitute story.

Nah, probably not.

former law student said...

That was selfish of me, of course, as I was depriving so many other Americans abroad of cheap, low-brow entertainment.

but in most European languages, the choice is with gas or without. And naturally sparkling water is of course not carbonated.

But some 90% of Americans will drink only still water.

chickenlittle said...

Firstly, I don't believe that that store is typical (my mom lives in Madison and I was just there fer chrissakes and my wife drinks bubble water).

You guys need a Trader Joe's. At least check out Aldi's.

wv. Swallat That the thing you bring to pay with at Whole Paycheck.

former law student said...

One last guess: the store owner buys whichever sparkling water he can get the best deal on, and somehow Polish water is cheaper than French water or Wisconsin water.

EDH said...

Mixed reviews for the Penguin Water Carbonator.

Video at link.

Lem said...

It could be a way of selling a surpluss... limit choice.

ricpic said...

Try the Safeway or the Albertson's or whoever the big cheese grocer (pun intended) is in the midwest. Guaranteed they'll have enough choice to make your head spin.

Ann Althouse said...

I'm drinking the stuff now, and it's really good. The shape of the bottle cheers me up too.

If you want to know the store, it's Regent Market.

And we do have a Trader Joe's but it's about 5 blocks further away.

Gerolsteiner is what I normally buy at Whole Foods.

Mian said...

Naive people, haven't you ever worked in sales? It's called a closeout and the price (and profit!) is far too good for the C-store owner to even bother selling other brands.

Ralph L said...

Mrs. Butterworth wants her corset back.

Ain't it cute that they use an aqua-colored bottle.

David said...

6. Your local market got a great deal on a couple pallets of water.

kimsch said...

We have a significant Polish population here in NE Illinois. A local grocery store sells that water, in large quantities as well. The store has a large selection of international foodstuffs, from all over, India, East and West Europe, Israel, and, of course, Mexico.

wv: palad: what one places on Craig's List when looking for a pal.

BJM said...

We bought an Innowave 270 about ten years ago and it has performed flawlessly; producing water with a crisp clean taste. We installed the unit in the laundry room ourselves. Yearly maintenance is about $60. This unit also gives us a reserve 9-Gal of water in an emergency.

The Spousal Unit likes sparkling water with meals, so he charges his with an ISI soda siphon.

I'm not big on mineral waters as the taste can be rather flinty, and some have an Alka-Seltzer aftertaste.

Big Mike said...

That greenish color makes me think of dish detergent. Is that what it tasted like?

James Wigderson said...

Just one more way Madison is trying to emulate East Germany...

Roy Lofquist said...

Anybody who pays more for water than for gasoline or gin is seriously deranged.

former law student said...

Anybody who pays more for water than for gasoline or gin is seriously deranged.

With sparkling water you're paying for the gas-tight container more than you are the product. When I buy gasoline, I am essentially bringing and filling my own container from a bulk supply. That would work for spring water, but maintaining pressure would be harder.

Michael Hasenstab said...

@Meade - Ha! Brilliant.

I don't understand the thrill of drinking imported water. Just don't get it, even though I've liked the few brands I've tried.

It's just water. TwoHs and OneO. Same recipe everywhere. Salt to taste and toss in a limestone pebble if you must.

Never understood why the greenies who shop at high-end grocers and fret about everyone's footprints have no issue buying water flown, trucked or boated in from far away, using jillions of gallons of petrol in the process.

Of course, it gets taken home in a re-usable bag in the trunk of a Prius, so that justifies it, eh.

el said...

"Where there is certainty, there is no choice: where there is choice there is only heartbreak"
Japanese proverb...
NOW will you please stop making fun of my hometown's bottled water?!
The only way it would have deigned to be available in your local 7/11 in Boondock County, America, is if it "accidentally"--you know-"fell" off the back of the "Delivery truck"!

Iapetus said...

What, no Poland Spring water?

Mr. Forward said...

It's a gateway drug to Polish beer.

Bart Hall (Kansas, USA) said...

Well, Ann, I'll try it if I can find it.

Mineral water is a worker safety issue around here. We run a greenhouse operation, and when you're working most of the day in a 90 F humid environment you WILL dehydrate ... and lose a bunch of minerals in the process. Plain water simply does not get it done.

I've been known to down 4 litres of Gerolsteiner -- very high calcium -- in a day and still get hypocalcemic cramps that evening.

Bicyclists, too, are surprisingly prone to osteoporosis because they don't realise how many minerals they're losing as they sweat.

Triangle Man said...

Even going cheap on the sparkling stuff can add up fairly quickly. After years of drinking Klarburn we got a SodaStream carbonator and have enjoyed the taste, the savings, and also not lugging home a bunch if plastic bottles fullif water.

nina said...

What about the name seems exotic? Easy as pie to pronounce. Americans are so bad at languages

Ann Althouse said...

@nina Could you just give us some more vowels, like the Italians? Then we'd give it a go.

Peter said...

I vote number four, just because I like voluptuous women. They get extra points for low morals.

My only question is: what is this "water" you speak of? Is it anything like beer?

word verification: banti. I don't have any idea what that means but it just sounds vulgar.