September 20, 2009

"Mr. Edwards once calmed an anxious Ms. Hunter by promising her that after his wife died, he would marry her in a rooftop ceremony in New York with an appearance by the Dave Matthews Band."

Poor Dave Matthews, getting caught up in that ghoulish slapstick.

IN THE COMMENTS: Ralph L said:
He'll need a big helicopter to lift the Dave Matthews Band bus over that rooftop.

(If you don't get that, read this.)

And William said:
I can sympathize with Edwards. My wife is lying in a coma, and the doctors do not expect a full recovery. The whole experience has been very traumatic, but I have learned a valuable lesson. When I get my license back there will be no more DWI on my part. And that's a promise.... But that's not the immediate problem. My wife has all sorts of hot friends visiting her, and you should see the nurse on the night shift. My problem is how do I approach the touchy question of post mortem dating with these attractive women. I don't want to appear insensitive, but life is for the living... I would welcome the advice of any Edwards' voters on this difficult subject.

64 comments:

Michael Hasenstab said...

What a slimy bastard.

I could tell that the first time I saw him on television. He has slimy bastard hair and teeth.

Kevin said...

He knows how to Seal The Deal - with juries and with women!

Bissage said...

Does this mean he used to pork her to “Crash into Me” set on repeat?

Gross!

wv = sestici. I'll bet it was!

madawaskan said...

What the hell Dave Matthews tune were they going to use on that roof top during their ceremony-

Shake Me Like A Monkey?

Love me baby love me baby

shake me like a monkey

Forever I'm yours

Cigarettes and coffee broken heart and

being lonely little girls

And ponies are the things that go together


Yelch!

campy said...

Does this mean he used to pork her to “Crash into Me” set on repeat?

I doubt he needed repeat.

sierra said...

This Boston Globe piece suggests Edwards' campaign may be held liable for hush money from campaign donors because it wound up benefitting the candidate. Strikes me as a troubling legal theory, even though I agree Edwards deserves every bad thing that happens to him.

Ralph L said...

He'll need a big helicopter to lift the Dave Matthews Band bus over that rooftop.

reholygi - Didn't Leslie Caron play a nun? Do we need a remake?

save_the_rustbelt said...

The old "don't worry, my wife is dying" pick up line, huh?

Hooray for Elizabeth. She lived and I hope she is making his butt miserable.

rhhardin said...

I don't see any sympathetic figures here, except via conventional victim narratives that I don't believe.

save_the_rustbelt said...

Just occurred to me...

Wasn't it the DMB bus that purged the septic holding tank onto a tourist boat in Chicago?

Maybe DMB would have been a good choice.

Roman said...

This man was almost the Vice President of the US. He was thoroughly vetted by the dinosaur media, somehow character was overlooked?

Darcy said...

I still feel badly for Elizabeth. And yes, I know she's no saint. But...what kind of stinking rotten person reveals that kind of thing (the bit about John promising to marry Rielle after his wife died)? She's still alive! So are her children, who are losing their mother. It's just horribly hurtful. Just to sell a book. Do these kinds of "truths" have to come out?

Bastard. Just awful.

Rialby said...

Crash into me and i come into you

Rialby said...

Palin = scary and unacceptable for the Vice-Presidency.

Edwards = a-ok.

Cedarford said...

"save_the_rustbelt said...
The old "don't worry, my wife is dying" pick up line, huh?

Hooray for Elizabeth. She lived and I hope she is making his butt miserable."

By all evidence, "brave sufferin' Elisabeth put on her lawyers cap and sat down with her husband and agreed to lie to the media and campaign workers during Edward's Presidential primaries campaign.

She is almost as big a POS has he is.

Given the two of them, and their prediliction for lies - I almost wouldn't be surprised if her cancer wasn't that terminal - maybe actually Stage 3 -But touted as such - so as to gain media sympathy, book sales, and better "John's chances".

I don't think she is making his life miserable. They are two kindred spirits, and they deserve each other....

AllenS said...

There are two Americas. One America can get the Dave Matthews Band to perform at their weddings. The other, not so much.

WV: kelsvert

Relative of pervert.

madawaskan said...

oh gawd-The Cars song-

You Can't Hold On Too Long, It's All Right-

is coming to mind...yoick!

youtube

madawaskan said...

Edward's Love Life-

The musical!

I'd have Johnny boy singing that last song in a waiting room...

The Crack Emcee said...

"Poor Dave Matthews"?

I've always found sympathy for Dave Matthews' "art" (which is God-awful) very revealing.

I'm just sayin',...

The Macho Response

Ralph L said...

Wasn't it the DMB bus that purged the septic holding tank onto a tourist boat in Chicago?
Yes. Otherwise, my "joke" rolls right over you.

kentuckyliz said...

I hope the Dave Matthews Tour Bus takes a dump on the Edwards driveway.

And Hunter's too, homewreckin' hoor.

Ultimate justice would be if Hunter's bastard child had CP.

William said...

Contemplation of the Edwards' affair doesn't inspire all that is kind and good in the American public. I say this with true admiration: The comment of kentuckyliz at 12:16 has an edge that could cause the reader's eye to bleed......I ask this in genuine curiousity: could someone explain to me why Ted Kennedy and Bill Clinton walked away (literally in Kennedy's case) from their scandals and why Spitzer and Edwards have been immolated in theirs. I truly don't understand it.

AJ Lynch said...

Professor:
It's bad enough Edwards gets a tag. Please don't allot a tag to Rielle Hunter. She deserves a generic tag like "trophy lowlife".

miller said...

Thank goodness nasty ol' Palin never got in, but what a tragedy that Edwards missed it by that much.

True Fact: some moony liberal in town still has his KERRY EDWARDS sticker on his car. Completely clueless

edutcher said...

Not to pile on (but I'd love to), this is the sack of slime who tried to get Cheney to disavow his lesbian daughter during the Veep debate; Cheney, of course, shot him down and showed the faux compassion of the Demos for what it really is.

He struck me as a cross between a bad televangelist and a used car salesman then and he continues to live down to my expectations.

Robin said...

Darcy, Elizabeth Edwards just wrapped up her own book tour, just to sell books, that lengthily, if rather untruthfully, discusses the "indescretion".

I don't really see why the other people involved should just sit back and allow the Edwards' to get away with putting their own self-serving spin on the whole sorry performance.

Chip Ahoy said...

♩♩♫ ♩♩♫
I feel pretty,
*comb, comb, comb*
Oh, so pretty,
*flick, comb, comb*
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
*spritz*
And I pity
*flick comb comb*
Any girl who isn't me tonight.
* twirl, press, flick, comb*

The other day while grocery shopping a really big hulking gorilla-esque woman pushing a shopping cart who was definitely not pretty and I passed one another at an area constricted by extraneously placed merchandise. She was singing that song unselfconsciously, unaware of her own volume. I looked backward over my shoulder for i-pod wires and ear buds but there weren't any. I found this greatly amusing.
/anecdote

David said...

Michael Hasenstab said...
"What a slimy bastard.

I could tell that the first time I saw him on television. He has slimy bastard hair and teeth."

That was pretty much my reaction, Michael. I became sure I was right when I saw the endless hair grooming tape.

For some strange reason, the Democrats in recent elections have gravitated to fakes. Edwards, certainly. Kerry was just as big a fake (Christmas in Cambodia!!) but not the complete lowlife Edwards was. Gore? As much fool as fake, but what kind of environmentalist has these gigantic houses and houseboats. (A fake one, of course.) Only Clinton and Joe Lieberman were actually what they seemed to be--Clinton a genial hustler, Lieberman a man of faith with some actual principles.

I have left out Obama. I am still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt on fakiness.

Ralph L said...

Ultimate justice would be if Hunter's bastard child had CP
That's harsh. I'm sure it was his wife's impending mortality that made him bang out a new life. There's no way he would have cheated on her earlier...and lived.

Paddy O. said...

The Edwards are the Kennedy family of our era, only our era doesn't want that anymore.

David said...

Robin, no matter what she made of it, Elizabeth Edwards was badly betrayed. She also is dying of a terrible disease. I think it's just good manners to lay off of her.

David said...

"Ultimate justice would be if Hunter's bastard child had CP"

What trash!

Are you by any chance pro-life? Which is a justice to the fetus concept? What kind of idiot are you that you would wish CP on any child?

(Ever been around a CP child? I have--my niece, now 28, who has never been able to walk, speak, feed herself or control her bowel movements.)

What trash you spew!

Bruce Hayden said...

This man was almost the Vice President of the US. He was thoroughly vetted by the dinosaur media, somehow character was overlooked?

Because he had a "D" by his name?

Yes, I know the question was rhetorical.

But I think that their radar should have gone off, when it became well known that he had made that money by making juries cry using junk science.

William said...

I can sympathize with Edwards. My wife is lying in a coma, and the doctors do not expect a full recovery. The whole experience has been very traumatic, but I have learned a valuable lesson. When I get my license back there will be no more DWI on my part. And that's a promise.... But that's not the immediate problem. My wife has all sorts of hot friends visiting her, and you should see the nurse on the night shift. My problem is how do I approach the touchy question of post mortem dating with these attractive women. I don't want to appear insensitive, but life is for the living.. I would welcome the advice of any Edwards' voters on this difficult subject.

Ralph L said...

William, ask Ryan O'Neal.

orlit - college course on romance novels.

Chip Ahoy said...

William, I'll try. But I think you've heard it all before.

Family. Money. History. Wishfulness. For a start, Edwards is not from Massachusetts, or however the hell you spell that state. E. Kennedy did not actually get a full pass by the media. He was pilloried and lived to give a moving and convincing speech of deep regret, neck brace and all, nice touch, that. With that one speech in which he cited the cloud of tragedy under which his family suffered for so long, a history of tragedy shared nationally, he broke the tender hearts of the citizens of his own state and they forgave him, en bloc if not en masse, even if the whole rest of the nation hadn't. But he was forfeit any chance of becoming president, which to that point seemed certain. Moreover, he supported the right to abortion, check that, firmly pro-choice and so was completely forgiven his many other shortcomings, namely womanizing and drinking, by a large swath of voters who might otherwise hold him in contempt.

Edwards, on the other hand, is little more than an preening ambulance-chaser who made a ton on the very issues his party says they stand against. In his case the media was also complicit in ignoring this story and giving him a pass until finally, like the O'Keefe and Giles videos, it was a tabloid of all things that exposed the story, and they could no longer keep sitting on it. They still are complicit to a certain extent, seems to me, showing reluctance to fully expose this whole thing as they would if it were occurring within another party.

madawaskan said...

David-

Concur.

William-

Not a Edwards voter, Ann once voted for him in a primary....

But what the hell-you couple this with your comment on the eternity thread- and shit-thanks for making me appreciate what I have if you get that...

Other than that I don't know what to tell ya....

The thing about Edwards is his wife isn't dead yet....

but some how he thinks he was such a "gift" that-oh hell I don't mind infidelity-it's the cover up...

How about that?

It's the lying about it.

Why?

Because it removes all of the facts from the other person and takes away their choice in the matter...

That-there- is the ultimate sin of lying because it preserves the liar's options.

madawaskan said...

While at the same time removing the options of those betrayed.

madawaskan said...

Crap-you are truly in limbo.

I guess I'd say find something elsewhere.

Chip Ahoy said...

Condolences on your wife, William. I am unqualified to converse on the subject you raise. Seems to me, your attractiveness to potential future dating candidates would be in the love and affection you display towards your present wife and your ushering through this period, and leave future concerns to the future.

This is precisely where Edwards has failed.

Bissage said...

This would be a good time to say that I have long admired William's comments!

bagoh20 said...

A despicable character in nearly every way. The Dems have a kick ass fun fraternity. My mom would never let me join though.

madawaskan said...

Bissage-

Yep, moi aussi.

madawaskan said...

There's an ocean out there soon you'll get out of your own tank-don't fish there.

You could use a fresh start.

JAL said...

KentuckyLiz is a favorite of mine, but definitely not a good thought there. Agree with the "harsh" ruling. No bad wishes on innocent kids, ok?

That being said -- what does THIS mean?

David @ 1:13 --

Are you by any chance pro-life? Which is a justice to the fetus concept? What kind of idiot are you that you would wish CP on any child?

Not to thread jack, but what kind of connection could you possibly make between being pro-life and wishing disease and disability on a baby? (Which, of course, you were not doing ... got that.)

I'm confused.

G Joubert said...

"Ultimate justice would be if Hunter's bastard child had CP"

The source of Edwards's wealth is what I assume you're targeting there, and I get your point if it is, but I wishing that kind of ill will upon a baby is beyond the pale, and can't be called justice.

William said...

I thank everyone for their kind words. Believe me it is very difficult living with a comatose wife. I think there must be many men in America with dying or comatose wives who worry about getting back into the dating scene. This is just another one of the health care problems in America that only Democrats seem willing to address. John Edwards with his hands on experience is my role model here. I wrote him a letter asking for his advice. I got back nothing but a flier for the American Cancer Society's Breast Awareness Week. On the bottom, there was a handwritten note saying "Why don't you go ask Gingrich, asshole?". The o in asshole was spelt with a little heart, and the note was signed Elizabeth. I really don't think snark helps us find a solution to this problem.....I think Chip made an excellent suggestion. Perhaps if I invite one of my wive's friends to a pro choice rally, it will demonstrate the right sensitivity and help the healing process.

EnigmatiCore said...

"When I get my license back there will be no more DWI on my part. And that's a promise.... But that's not the immediate problem. My wife has all sorts of hot friends visiting her, and you should see the nurse on the night shift. My problem is how do I approach the touchy question of post mortem dating with these attractive women."

I sure hope my 'just making a point' detector is screwed up, because if you are serious, then I dissent from the polite comments made to you after this.

Or am I reading this wrong? Is your wife in a coma due to a DWI accident on your part?

If so, and you are talking about the hot women in the hospital, then while there is truth to your sentiment that 'life is for the living', I will say there would be more truth to the sentiment that 'sometimes, the wrong person gets more severely injured.'

Good God, man. Show the requisite remorse and guilt. And if it doesn't come naturally, learn to fake it.

traditionalguy said...

Edwards is a success at one thing in life...being whatever people wanted him to be. The affair may be the closest he has come to being himself. Being raised by hard parents, and later learning to be yourself, takes great courage. But I fear that John Edwards has a long way to go.

Darcy said...

William is spoofing Edwards. I'm pretty sure. Had me for a few minutes, too.

EnigmatiCore said...

I would hope so. At first I took it that way, but the followup comments made me wonder...

William said...

Enigmaticore: I am hurt by your unkind words. Due to pending liability issues I cannot comment on the MVA, but I think we're all aware that it takes two to have a head on collision, even on an improperly marked bicycle path. Nuff said. I am also hurt by your callous disregard for my predicament. Despite the fact that we are legally married, I was told that it was against hospital policy for a man to have conjugal visits with his wife while she is in a coma. Where does a hospital get off interfering in the marriage contract? Condemned murderers can have conjugal visits, but not an honest working man. It's like they're pushing me into infidelity. Enigmaticore, before you pass judgement you should try to empathize with the complexity of a moral issue.

The Crack Emcee said...

LOL

EnigmatiCore said...

Nice.

I need to take that detector to the shop. Pretty glad in this case.

Ralph L said...

Oh dear, William and I have icked ourselves onto the front page.

cobaltbob said...

Once upon a time John Mellencamp was a big Edwards supporter. I guess Dave Matthews' standards are lower than Mellencamp's.

Who woulda thunk it?

kalmia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
William said...

Dear Kalmia: What are the odds of two different Williams posting on Althouse? I am the real William. I don't often post about my domestic problems, but something about the Edwards scandal touched a nerve. Like me he is down there in the arena wrestling with a difficult moral dilemna. That's the Democrats: real people with real problems seeking real solutions.....When my wife first went into a coma, my life went into a tailspin. How was I as a single father going to provide for my two teen age daughters, much less pay my legal bills? Then a very nice social worker from ACORN showed me how to do it. And there was none of that lofty, better than thou moralizing. That's the Democrats: non judgemental people with non judgemental solutions. If there's any money left over from the legal expenses, I will put the placement fee I got for my daughters in a college fund for them.

traditionalguy said...

William...Are you related to Mark Twain? That is funny fiction writing and it is funny because of the deep truth that it contains.

AllenS said...

This whole Elizabeth has cancer, and is about to die, seems to be a canard. Does she have cancer? I don't doubt that she does, or maybe she did, but she seems far from dieing from the disease. I don't believe anything either of the Edwards' have to say. Also, William has me confused.

Dudley Do-right said...

William,
ROFLMAO! Fine writing. You do not disappoint.

Kylos said...

AllenS, I've been thinking the same thing. Didn't they tell us before Edwards started campaigning for 2008 that Elizabeth's cancer had returned and was terminal? It's going on three years since that announcement, so, I hate to say it, but why isn't she dead? Or, at the least, why haven't we heard any updated prognosis saying it's under control for the time being. I find this indefinite terminal status rather suspicious. And wasn't Elizabeth diagnosed the first time shortly after Edwards 2004 run?

Somebody please correct me if I'm wrong about the facts or don't understand the nature of breast cancer properly, because I'm otherwise extremely suspicious of the Edwards' claims. It would almost appear to be a ploy to generate sympathy.

sydney said...

Allen S and Kylos and one of the earlier commenters,

I've had the same thoughts about Elizabeth Edwards and her cancer. She supposedly had bone mets. That is fatal. And yet, according the NY Times she just started a new business:

Mrs. Edwards last month opened a furniture store called Red Window in downtown Chapel Hill, and on a recent weekday several women examined the chairs, tables and knickknacks crowded into a small space.

Seems an odd undertaking for someone with terminal cancer.

kentuckyliz said...

I am not wishing cp on a child--I'm criticizing Edwards' way of getting rich.

Yes, I have worked with high functioning cp ppl.

Stop the feigned horror.

He isn't getting what he deserves--that's the point.