September 11, 2009

"Hi I'm just like you I worry about getting fat and finding the right man to validate my pointless existence where all I do is worry about getting fat and finding the right man to validate my pointless existence..."

"... but also the difference is that I invariably live in New York (or London if I must) where I am a struggling intern/PR lackey/copywriter/journalist and I live in a small apartment with either a cat or a hilarious gay man or a hilarious gay cat and it's ever so cosmopolitan and fun and just when I think I will always be dating a series of Mr. Wrongs for the rest of my life I meet BRAD/JULIO/LAWRENCE/SEPHIROTH depending on if I am from Oklahoma, Florida, Georgia, or Final Fantasy fanfic and then after that we have some fun misunderstandings and then my bitch of a boss (because female bosses are always bitches) steals my man (never trust a woman in a position of power, you see, is the moral here) and I have to do some CRAZY THINGS to have my revenge and then I level up and I get the boss bitch's job and my man back all at once and THE END i high-five my gay cat and off we go to the sequel where we are sexy ore miners on a distant asteroid (but we still love shoes!!!!!)"

No, that's the joke. Here's the real:
While the kids are fed and then wiped down and diverted with Play-Doh, I load the washing machine with armloads of my new clothes. As I stuff in a size 4 blouse, my iPhone beeps to tell me someone I know has just updated their Facebook status.

58 comments:

EDH said...

I read one paragraph from each author in the order of Althouse's post.

I want more from the first.

wv-"liess" (seriously)

The Crack Emcee said...

I can NOT relate - to either of them.

The Macho Response

miller said...

Good grief, I suppose someone has to read this stuff. Thankfully, not me.

Lem said...

LOL

This is Althouse and M cheering us up.

wv - redden = somebody red in the face.

Lem said...

and then i start to read..

Buried in the article of clothing I find this bit "I hit send and toss up a silent ecumenical prayer.

Humm... thats a bit of papal engagement you been under for someone sounding so young.

waht the hell? how come i never heard of you b4?

where has the pope been hiding you?

aaaahhh!

not that shit again!

Lem said...

ok ok .. i was just making a joke..

it's a joke.

Lem said...

there is way of judging someone that is ok once you know you are not x a form..

Take M for example. Althouse told that the story of her spanking new husband striking up a conversasione with totalitarian strangerers whom upon in the course of such conversation (a presidential thing now days) he, Meade, her husband, from now known as M, learned they, the visitors to Colorado (as they also were) were originally from Texas.

And as they say, the rest is history.
But I did learn something about Meade that day.

It just might not be dull to be around Meade.

Lem said...

I wore a pink shirt one time to a marketing thing my employer does for "the benefit of the company"
the hell did i care.

Here comes a client one day telling everybody how gay my pink shirt was.. (btw it was not even pink it only looked pink to a homophobic bastards we had for a client at the time)

after some ha ha ha at my expense somebody finally told him that I had the taks of taking his serpentine golf course ideas and translating them on the computer..

that shut is ass up and wanted to finally meet me.

Lem said...

The idea of finding validation for waht i do in others has at the same time my understanding and also total and complete desdain.

Explain to me how my father told me from long distance that I would no longer be attending the most prestigious baseball academy in the country. He could not make back to do this in person.

How did I get fired by my father?

(thats how my mother puts it)

wv - panites - a man laking

Lem said...

my poor eyesight was a factor but at the same time. if i was paying for a sons whatever i think i would have the decency of doing so in person.

wv diessera - i dont know.

Lem said...

how about we play something?

Lem said...

somthing to cheer us up!

Lem said...

ay dios mio - i have to a bunch of updates if i want to play music...

im coming back wait for me.

Penny said...

Please don't tempt me, Althouse.

I LOVE "streams of consciousness", where the fish are as wild as the fishermen.

Lem said...

hi penny are you still talking to me?

Lem said...

Obamas kissy face.

I'm not in love.

I'm not in love, so don't forget it
It's just a silly phase I'm going through
And just because I call you up
Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made
I'm not in love, no-no
(It's because...)

I like to see you, but then again
That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
So if I call you, don't make a fuss
Don't tell your friends about the two of us
I'm not in love, no-no
(It's because...)

(Be quiet, big boys don't cry)
(Big boys don't cry)
(Big boys don't cry)
(Big boys don't cry)
(Big boys don't cry)
(Big boys don't cry)
(Big boys don't cry)

I keep your picture upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain that's lyin' there
So don't you ask me to give it back
I know you know it doesn't mean that much to me
I'm not in love, no-no
(It's because...)

Ooh, you'll wait a long time for me
Ooh, you'll wait a long time

Ooh, you'll wait a long time for me
Ooh, you'll wait a long time


Latifa can sing! who knew?

Lem said...

[T]he IAAF .. the whole ANC and the whole of South Africa on their backs.

Shape of my Heart

He deals the cards as a meditation
And those he plays never suspect
He doesn't play for the money he wins
He doesn't play for respect
He deals the crads to find the answer
The sacred geometry of chance
The hidden loaw of a probable outcome
The numbers lead a dance

I know that the spades are swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart

He may play the jack of diamonds
He may lay the queen of spades
He may conceal a king in his hand
While the memory of it fades

I know that the spades are swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart

And if I told you that I loved you
You'd maybe think there's something wrong
I'm not a man of too many faces
The mask I wear is one
Those who speak know nothing
And find out to their cost
Like those who curse their luck in too many places
And those who fear are lost

I know that the spades are swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart


This is bad for everybody, I feel bad for this young woman.

Lem said...

"My waffle-y wedded wife..."

Que Sera de Ti

m00se said...

uhm - puke?

Lem said...

im not asking you

Lem said...

"I’m not signing onto any bill that rips off Wisconsin."

Pretenders - Show me

Show me the meaning of the word
Show me the meaning of the word
'Cause I've heard so much about it
They say, "Hey, you can't live without it"

Welcome to the human race
With its wars, disease and brutality
You with your innocence and grace
Restore some pride and dignity
To a world in decline

Welcome to a special place
In a heart of stone that's cold and gray
You with your angel face
Keep the despair at bay
Send it away, and

Show me the meaning of the word
Show me the meaning of the word
'Cause I've heard so much about it
I don't want to live without it
I don't want to live without it
Oh, I want love
I want love
I want love

Welcome here from outer space
The Milky Way is still in your eyes
You found yourself a hopeless case
One that's seeking perfection on earth
That's some kind of rebirth, so

Lem said...

Prank caller James Tyler Markle

Never

Hey baby, Im talking to you
Stop yourself and listen
Some things you can never choose
Even if you try, yeah
Youre hangin your head again
Cause somebody wont let you in
One chance, one love
Your chance to let me know

We cant go on
Just running away
If we stay any longer
We will surely never get away
Anything you want...we can make it happen
Stand up and turn around
Never let them shoot us down
Never, never
Never, never run away

Hey baby you know its time
Why you bother lying when you know
That you want it too
Dont you dare deny me
Walk those legs right over here
Give me what Im dying for
One chance...one love
Hold me down never let me go

We cant go on
Just running away
If we wait any longer
We will surely never get away
Anything you want...we can make it happen
Stand up and turn around
Never let them shoot us down
Never, never
Never, never run away
Never, never
Never, never run away

Lem said...

Maureen Dowd has boyfriend trouble

Layla

What'll you do when you get lonely
And nobody's waiting by your side?
You've been running and hiding much too long.
You know it's just your foolish pride.

Layla, you've got me on my knees.
Layla, I'm begging, darling please.
Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind.

I tried to give you consolation
When your old man had let you down.
Like a fool, I fell in love with you,
Turned my whole world upside down.

Chorus

Let's make the best of the situation
Before I finally go insane.
Please don't say we'll never find a way
And tell me all my love's in vain.

Chorus


There is the possibility that "that woman" (as Bill would say) has never loved anybody in her life.

Lem said...

cold fish i believe they used to be called

Lem said...

I find humor with this pic and this song. Am I crazy?


Obama and the Justices (and Biden)


This Is Not America

it's funny on so "many levels"!

oh common!

A little piece of you
The little peace in me
Will die
For this is not america

Blossom falls to bloom
This season
Promise not to stare
Too long
For this is not a miracle

There was a time
A storm that blew so pure
For this could be the biggest sky
And I could have
The faintest idea

Snowman melting
From the inside
Falcon spirals
To the ground
So bloody red
Tomorrows clouds

A little piece of you
The little piece in me
Will die
For this is not america


I think this is my best find!

lol.. its funny to me anyway.

you know waht the hell with you guys ;)

Penny said...

Of course I am speaking to you, Lem.

Why on this earth would you think otherwise? (RHETORICAL QUESTION...needs no answer!)

But here's the deal. We are in the shadow of 9/11 now. I was almost as sad yesterday, as I was eight years ago, and that isn't a good thing.

Can you suggest some tunes that don't downplay the pain, but somehow helps people like me to move on?

No rush. Heck, we have 364 days, give or take. And THANKS in advance, Lem!

I feel certain that Shanna and I are not the only two "911 weepers" here at Althouse, even though we are the only weepers stepping up to the plate. And hey, that's OK...

For now, we have two weepers and one DJ trying to "work it out".

Lem said...

Can you suggest some tunes that don't downplay the pain, but somehow helps people like me to move on?

tall order penny.

but i never let you down.

Lem said...

i think i got something penny. i checking the video

Lem said...

para penny y para los que con ella y tristesa recordamos a 9/11

One

Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same
Will it make it easier on you now
You've got someone to blame

You say one love one life
When its one need in the nightone love we get to share it
It leaves you baby if you dont care for it

Did i disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without

Well it's too late tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to carry each other carry each other one

Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play jesus
To the lepers in your head?

Did i ask too much more than a lot
You gave me nothing now it's all i got
We're one but we're not the same
Well we hurt each other then we do it again
.

Lem said...

i want to do another ...

this is strange penny i mean i dont want to meke it like its trivial you know.

and at the same time there are songs popoing into my head.

should i do some?

Penny said...

I know, Lem. And thanks for that.

Lem said...

I'm doing one more.. in a way it has to do with you penny.

The Warrior

You run, run...run away
It's your heart...that you betray
Feeding on...your hungry eyes
I bet you're not so civilized

Well, isn't love..primitive
A wild gift...that you wanna give
Break out of captivity
And follow me, stereo jungle child
Love is the kill.....your heart's still wild

Chorus:
Shootin' at the walls of heartache, bang, bang, I am the warrior
Well I am the warrior, and heart to heart you'll win..if you survive
the warrior....the warrior

You talk, talk, you talk to me
Your eyes touch me physically
Stay with me, we'll take the night
As passion takes another bite

Who's the hunter...who's the game?
I feel the beat...call your name
I hold you close...in victory
Idon't wanna tame your animal style..
you won't be caged...in the call of the wild....

Lem said...

I know you prob married and i respect that. i do.

Lem said...

I dont want to go crazy on you penny. i just want to let you know ahead of time ;)

Crazy on you

If we still have time, we might still get by
Every time I think about it, I wanna cry
With bombs and the devil, and the kids keep comin'
No way to breathe easy, no time to be young

But I tell myself that I was doin' all right
There's nothin' left to do at night
But to go crazy on you
Crazy on you
Let me go crazy, crazy on you, oh

My love is the evenin' breeze touchin' your skin
The gentle, sweet singin' of leaves in the wind
The whisper that calls after you in the night
And kisses your ear in the early moonlight
And you don't need to wonder, you're doing fine
My love, the pleasure's mine

Let me go crazy on ya
Crazy on you
Let me go crazy, crazy on you, ohhh

Wild man's world is cryin' in pain
What you gonna do when everybody's insane
So afraid of one who's so afraid of you
What you gonna do...ohhh...

(Ah-ah-ah-ah)

Ooooo...Crazy on ya
Crazy on you
Let me go crazy, crazy on you

I was a willow last night in my dream
I bent down over a clear running stream
Sang you the song that I heard up above
And you kept me alive with your sweet flowing love

Crazy
Yeah, crazy on ya
Let me go crazy, crazy on you, oh
Crazy on ya
Crazy on you
Let me go crazy, crazy on you, yeah

Lem said...

Ok penny.. i take it all back.. i'm going to delete all that stuff. I'm not going crazy as we all know.

I just want to know if you are having fun.

are you?

wv - soginess - when i leave one of my beers out of the fridge.

Lem said...

there is no point to it if we cant have fun.. thats my motto.

wv - chest - waht am i the governor of california?

Lem said...

ok lets find anther song.

we dont have much time until the people here come back.

Penny said...

"What you gonna do when everybody's insane".

Oh heck, I don't know? Just learning as I go. SAME AS YOU!

Night night, Lem. Night, Althouse.

Lem said...

Ghost In You

Link to this page Tell A Friend

The Psychedelic Furs The Ghost In You lyrics

a man in my shoes runs a light
and all the papers lied tonight
but falling over you
is the news of the day
angels fall like rain
and love is all of heaven away
inside you the time moves
and she don't fade
the ghost in you
she don't fade
inside you the time moves
and she don't fade
a race is on i'm on your side
and hearing you my engines die
i'm in a mood for you
for running away
stars come down in you
and love...you can't give it away
inside you the time moves
and she don't fade
the ghost in you
she don't fade
inside you the time moves
and she don't fade
don't you go
it makes no sense
when all your talking supermen
just take away the time
and get in the way
ain't it just like rain
and love...is only heaven away
inside you the time moves
and she don't fade
the ghost in you
she don't fade
inside you the time moves
and she don't fade

Lem said...

watch this last video penny please.

Lem said...

the gost in you

Lem said...

we can pretend to be in japan and hate it ;)

love is so small it does best when we pretend.

Lem said...

Take Me To Heart

You won't forget my eyes
Ooh deep inside you realize
You're gonna see me wherever you go
You're gonna hear me on your radio
There you are in your car
You hear a voice that's calling
"Do you want me
Do you want me"

Take me to heart
I promise you a miracle
Take me to heart
You're gonna be mine
Take me to heart
You know it's just a matter of time

I'm always on your mind
I'm the chill that never left your spine
In the building where you live and breathe
I'm the sound that never lets you sleep
Down the hall through the walls
You hear a voice that's calling
"Do you want me
Do you want me"

Take me to heart
Don't deny the miracle
Take me to heart
What more can I say
Take me to heart
Surrender's just a motion away


thats all i can say penny.
maybe you are too young to understand.

Lem said...

its light out..

tudilu.

kentuckyliz said...

Lemfest!

I celebrated 9/11 by working hard at my job, thereby serving others, then helping to run a carp fishing tournament, thereby serving a community anti-drug coalition, fishermen seeking fun and prizes, and the fish, wish seriously needed to find a new home elsewhere because that little lake is choked with carp.

I shall send my report to Dear Leader so he can put a gold star by my name.

wv peedomma
He peedomma floor.

kentuckyliz said...

Re the opening sentence in the post:

Don't worry. Everyone knows fat girls are easy because they have such low self-esteem; and boys will boink fat girls because they're all the same with one, two, or three bags on their head. Then when you get pregnant and engage in the awesome project of creating new life and joining the esteemed mommy club, your existence has been validated and you're no longer a waste of oxygen.

Don't worry, be happy.

Paco Wové said...

Too much Lem.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Could be worse, she could be writing literary fiction. THAT genre is just plain boring.

Corky Boyd said...

I learned early. Don't date a woman from NYC. They're all neurotic like the first pone here. Neurotic single women flee to New York from all over the country. Must be more shrinks there.

Guys -- go to Seattle, Washington DC, Chicago (suburbs), Milwaukee. Anyplace but NYC.

MayBee said...

This entire article was written so she could let the world know she wears a size 4.

Just in case people were imagining she was one of those fat Americans. She's not. She's a size 4.

Bissage said...

Whenever I’m down the shore, I like to tread water in the breakers and fight the riptide.

It’s kind of my thing.

I didn’t make it down to the shore, this year, so I’m glad I got to read that 8:11 comment by kentuckyliz.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Can you suggest some tunes that don't downplay the pain, but somehow helps people like me to move on?


Penny, whenever I'm down or depressed I listen to this

Never fails.

Dust Bunny Queen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dust Bunny Queen said...

This one is for Lem. when he wakes up -- :-)

One of my favorite songs from when we lived in Mexico. "Sin Ti"

Or maybe it is THIS one instead. "Caminate del Mayab".

I remember my father, my aunt and uncles playing guitar and singing these songs when we were in my Grandmother's home in Tequisquiapan.

Such fond memories and such wonderful music. I love this genre.

Hope Lem sees this.

Laura(southernxyl) said...

Well, I am totally doing the thing with the canned cherry pie filling, white cake mix, and stick of butter. Today.

Stephen Snell said...

lem,

piss off and drop dead, please. i'd advise you to return to the basement, but senator martin's daughter could probably use the break. sheesh.

Laura(southernxyl) said...

Stephen Snell, who sneezed in your Frosted Flakes?

Lem said...

Thanks Laura.