July 21, 2009

"Satan is content in letting us profess Christianity."

"As long as we don't practice it."

Satan is content....

Canah Chapel, Freewill Baptist Church, is in Erwin, Tennessee.

But we weren't there either to profess or practice Christianity. We went here...

A McDonalds in Erwin, Tennessee

... to pee, drink coffee, and access the internet. Satan let us do all that, but we don't know whether or not he was content. I understand why Satan — if he existed — would be happy to see folks professing but not practicing Christianity. I think he wouldn't care one way or the other about urination, but that he'd be pleased to see us drinking coffee, even as I think God gave us coffee in the hope that, energized, we'd turn to the good.

As for the internet, I'd say it depends on which websites you go to, and the subtle preferences of God and Satan are unknowable to us, but perhaps they are both keeping track of the entire history of all of our website visits and that we'll be called to account in the end.

But it was not the golden arches anymore than the cross that got us to take that exit. It was the sign for the Andrew Johnson National Historic Site. But then another sign said it was 31 miles away, and Satan made us go to McDonald's instead. This morning — the morning after — I sorrowfully regret not making the pilgrimage to the dishonored President's place of honor.

"Want to go back?" Meade says. No, no, we've gone too far ahead. We got all the way to Berea, Kentucky last night, where we walked around until night fell...

DSC02347

30 comments:

ironrailsironweights said...

I understand why Satan — if he existed — would be happy to see folks professing but not practicing Christianity. I think he wouldn't care one way or the other about urination

My reasoned guess is that Satan wholeheartedly approves of the Golden Shower scene.

Peter

Jason (the commenter) said...

I think he wouldn't care one way or the other about urination...

If you pissed against a wall he would!

Bissage said...

If I may presume to say so, this was an Althouse post of sheer genius!

Fred4Pres said...

Satan--if he existed...

If there is no Satan, explain Carrot Top? If ever there was a guy who must have sold his soul to Satan in exchange for fame, it was Carrot Top.

ricpic said...

The special sauce in the Big Mac proves the existence of Satan.

ricpic said...

That picture of the church in Tennessee reminds me of Kentucky. Little towns squeezed into the flats with furry hills all around.

Fred4Pres said...

ricpic, mixing mayonaise and catsup is always evil. I am suprised it is not proscribed in Leviticus.

Lem said...

As for the internet.. perhaps they are both keeping track of the entire history of all of our website visits and that we'll be called to account in the end.

I’m not a lawyer but it says here..
And to Adam he [God] said, "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, 'You shall not eat of it,'...

Since I don’t have a wife I’m counting on this as some sort of porn loophole ;)

TosaGuy said...

My present reading list has me on a Presidential biography kick. My last book was about Andrew Johnson. Rose from councilmen to President in 30some years and spent nearly every day in between in office of some sort.

A Jacksonian Democrat, he made it an art to get everyone mad at him and then he played one side against the other for his own personal electoral gain.

Lem said...

Of course I could get an operation (to get the wife) but I don’t think I’m covered for that.

(I’m just ribbing ;)

Lem said...

This tread could use a Goofballsiness tag.

Richard Dolan said...

Satan first shows up in the Book of Job as the "adversary," really God's agent to harass Job according to divine directions. Nothing in Satan's debut has a connotation of evil. And after he finishes fooling with Job, God never speaks again in the Tanakh.

Think of Satan as the first bureaucrat ever to proclaim "I'm from the Government and am here to help you." Much closer to the Hebrew original than Dante's or Milton's portrait.

Lem said...

Satan!!

I just remembered SNL's church lady.

LOL.

Big Mike said...

Professor, I'm sure you think you're being very cute, and all, but even though I'm an atheist I don't think you're being funny. You and other lefy-leaning types mock Christian beliefs only because you don't expect to be held to account for it. Most Christians are pretty tolerant folk (there are exceptions).

But in your shoes I wouldn't go to an Islamic country and mock Iblis.

Tom Joad said...

Make fun of the rubes. They cling to their guns and religion unlike the enlightened ones who hold nothing of importance.

Joseph said...

If I am judged by my browser history, I'm screwed when the rapture comes.

Freeman Hunt said...

perhaps they are both keeping track of the entire history of all of our website visits and that we'll be called to account in the end.

What will they think of the time we spend here?

Lem said...

What will they think of the time we spend here?

Althouse is my cap and trade.

That's why I have to constantly come here.

hawkeyedjb said...

As non-Christians, we apologize for being hungry, thirsty bastards who have to pee.

Lem said...

I’m surprised Althouse is not catching hell for this post.

traditionalguy said...

I suspect that Satan is never happy with reminders of Christ's mercy no matter what those reminders are practicing.

former law student said...

Sign makes a good point: I have observed many self-professed Christians whose actions are decidedly unChristian.

Why go to McDonald's? They don't care much about customer satisfaction: the chicken nugget fiascos revealed their policy of taking and keeping your money for products that they actually cannot give you.

At least Starbucks will tell you if they're out of, say, decaf, before taking your money. And a 16 oz cup of drip coffee costs only six cents more at the elite Starbucks than at the everyman McDonald's.

Joel said...

As a professing but not as well as I should be practicing Christian it's pretty clear why professing but non practicing Christians would draw satans contentment. In response to some professing but not so well practising Christians Paul tells the Corinthians to examine yourselves and see whether you are in the faith does your life match your profession. Additionally Christ speaks woe to those who would hang millstones around the necks of the young how great a millstone hypocrisy is. And Satan would be happy to allow as many hypocrites as willing to undermine the reason of the hope that is within us. That is salvation in Christ Jesus.

In any event I saw some commenters asking why Ann is not taking more grief. Honestly the post didn't seem rude or mocking just a matter of fact. Speaking for myself I was not offended.

Lastly as to be judging for websites... The Bible is clear that we will give an account for every idle word I see no reason to suspect any difference with what we do with our idle time surfing.

Iapetus said...

On the campus of Berea College? AA must be job hunting. Madison is clearly not big enough for her ambitions.

Iapetus said...

On the campus of Berea College? AA must be job hunting. Madison is clearly not big enough for her ambitions.

Baron Zemo said...

My dear lady, you should not mock the Lord.

His infinite mercy is your only hope for salvation.

Even my dear Manitou knew that at the end.

You might be instructed by his demise. You share so much in common.

RLB_IV said...

Satan's work can always be seen if you only look, wink. He is an awesome marionette working the media elite. They lend their talents to the destruction of our time. A perfect example is Governor Palin.

RLB_IV said...

In his spare time he is the patron demon of dry cleaners.

Brad V said...

"But it was not the golden arches anymore than the cross that got us to take that exit. It was the sign for the Andrew Johnson National Historic Site. But then another sign said it was 31 miles away, and Satan made us go to McDonald's instead."

Thanks - what a classic passage. I laughed out loud.

qutub said...

Islam is ultimate truth, Accept Islam for you salvation