July 27, 2009

Did you see how Glenn keeps talking about "maintenance sex"?

What's going on here?
And, finally, this. Preacher: InstaPundit needs more sex. I respond with this post.
"This post" says:
“MAINTENANCE SEX?” So what do you think? Is this important in a relationship? I wonder if we’d see something of a male/female split on this. Maybe not!
"Maintenance Sex" goes to this book "Lube Jobs," by Don and Deborah Macleod, about which Library Journal says:
"Maintenance sex,"say the Macleods..., can keep intimacy going with a husband who may want sex more often than the wife or when she's not really interested. It's a realistic rather than a sexist assumption, given power couples, having-it-all womanhood, roller-coaster hormones, and real-world parenting. Such "lube jobs" consist of affectionate, speedy, varied, and regular sexual encounters that ensure a husband's orgasm with minimal effort and optional arousal on the wife's part — not as a replacement for but a supplement to more leisurely and shared sexual sessions. Some 20 suggested scenarios include creative manual, oral, toy-enhanced, and coital approaches, including body shots (a porn staple), front-seat fellatio, backseat bonking with porn on the laptop, bathtub blow jobs, and closet canoodling. While the constant servicing-a-car wordplay may annoy some readers, the advice is sound and fun. Lighthearted illustrations would have been a nice touch, but the book does quite well as is. Most people spend the largest part of their adulthood slogging through committed relationships, and they need books like this. Recommended for public libraries."
Recommended for public libraries? Are there some library scenarios? Oral sex near the audio books? Canoodling among the cookbooks? (What the hell is canoodling anyway? I think noodles are involved. Meade says: "How about in a canoe?")

18 comments:

chuck b. said...

Yes.

Yes to all of this.

Big Mike said...

Meade could be right. I've seen canoes bobbing violently with no heads showing above the gunwales.

t-man said...

When my wife was in medical school, she used to study in the stacks of the main library. One afternoon, after she had been in there several hours, she realized that a male student was pleasuring himself one stack away from her. She was freaked out and left. If it wasn't such a scary situation, though, I thought it would be hilarious if, as she left, she asked very loudly, "Come here often?"

Ron said...

"Canoodling" is eating pasta in the boat while you're on the way to discovering a Passage to India. Columbus coined it. No, he really did! ;) :0

save_the_rustbelt said...

For those of you with children, have hope, eventually they do move out, and life begins again.

We have a long running joke about a "chassis lube." Guess it is catching on.

traditionalguy said...

Great idea to sell books to the frustrated married couples, but only an idea. She has re-cycled Mercy Fucks as a funny new game. The only aphrodisiac worth having sex for is emotional intimacy from honesty sharing of thoughts with each other. There is always grudge sex as a hostile act akin to rape. But IMO liquor is quicker if funny game sex is all that you can expect out of life.

Meade said...

Embarrassing.

This is what I get for skimming instead of reading carefully. I skipped over all the boring part and went right to the part about noodles.

I thought you were posting about noodles. As in green eggs and noodles.

As in:

Would you, could you,
in a canoe?

I could not, would not, in a canoe.
I will not, will not, with a gnu.
I will not canoodle in the rain.
I will not canoodle on a train.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! You let me be!
I do not canoodle in a box.
I do not canoodle with a fox.
I will not canoodle in a house.
I do not canoodle with a mouse.
I do not canoodle here or there.
I do not canoodle ANYWHERE!

Color me embarrassed.

MayBee said...

Cutesy descriptions like that could put me off sex for a while.

Lem said...

I suppose a Titus would have the engine at the rear of the car ;)

Alex said...

As we know conservatives never have sex, but liberals have lots of hot nasty sex.

Lem said...

As illustrated in this tread there is very little doubt Obamacare will not pay for itself.

AlgonquinS said...

It's even worse, when you have to have health care maintenance after you have sex.

Fred4Pres said...

They addressed this issue on Hung last night.

Randy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Randy said...

T-Man wins the thread AFAIAC. LOL!Front-page material.

ironrailsironweights said...

Or the man can just go to one of the rub & tug massage parlors found in every city.

The magazine Time Out New York actually had a recent guide to the best ones in NYC.

Peter

TitusIsInLove said...

I am all for sex but the though of him having sex is pretty gross.

He is not attractive.

amba said...

What's new? Women have been doing that for years. Millennia. Sometimes with good grace, sometimes not. The good grace is optional.