May 24, 2009

"When was the last time you considered lubing up your brows?"

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This is another little example of the tiny craziness of women's magazines. There's something about the writing and the inane specificity of this advice that just kills me.

The writers are sort of trying to make us laugh — lubing up your brows — but also, it seems, seriously trying to make us worry about something — a "trouble zone" — that we've never even thought about — the skin under our eyebrows. Hey, think about it! Each eyebrow — I refuse to use the word "brow" to refer to the hairy facial arch — has its own mini scalp! It might get dandruff.

And then there is the problem of the inappropriate sexual innuendo: lubing up. I guess they get tired of telling us to moisturize. They brainstorm endlessly for synonyms. There's lubricate. So then let's make it cutesy and sexy. But it's absolutely unsexy. Imagine learning that your romantic partner dutifully adhered to a twice-a-day regimen of care for her eyebrow-scalps.

44 comments:

rhhardin said...

The idea of women as a collection of trouble zones isn't bad.

Michael S said...

What are the odds that they'd suggest Corn Huskers, instead of the fancy cosmetic, that will do the same thing for dry skin for one-third the price.

And it can also be used for other purposes as well...

Largo said...

Is it just the magazines?

I had a friend who used to occasionally make the disgruntled comment: "Hrmpph.. women, and I'm one of them!"

traditionalguy said...

A reader's digest of articles for drying up women of all ages. Your job as a woman is to be soft and juicy like a fresh ripe peach. Now get with the program and lube up for inspection. And one more thing, no wild hairs. We expect perfection, especially from you ladies over the prime age of 23. Have a happy day.

Florida said...

Sorry Ann.

I don't buy it.

This isn't an example of the tiny craziness of women's magazines. It's a perfect example of the vanity of women.

This article will sell a whole lot of eyebrow skin cream designed specifically to eliminate the supposed dry skin underneath.

And at a price per gallon that would make OPEC seem like a bunch of girly-men pikers.

Nice try blaming the messenger, though.

Care to shine your camera lens on your own makeup vanity? I'd bet you have skin products on your shelf more expensive, ounce for ounce, than gold.

Ann Althouse said...

They're suggesting a $10 skin cream from the drugstore. I wouldn't use anything that cheap on my face. I pay about $80 for face cream, since you asked.

rhhardin said...

Cold cream and water is an alternative lubricant for trombones, if you don't like slide oil.

rhhardin said...

I think the vanity is actually just a free-floating "something is wrong" anxiety latching onto what's nearest at hand.

Guys don't have the initial something-is-wrong predisposition.

"You're not going out dressed like that, are you?" is heard across the land.

traditionalguy said...

There is also a condensed version of these Women's advice articles collected and re-published called Bottom Line Personal. The Smart women never misses an issue. Most of the advice is so simple that you sort of feel good about yourself for being as smart as the Experts; such as, take the stairs every day instead of the elevator and lose weight.

Bissage said...

(1) I feel only gratitude for women’s magazines. Were it not for the ads in the back of Ladies’ Home Journal (for the Mark Eden Bust Developer) I’d never have had any sex life in high school whatsoever.

(2) On a personal note, I thought maybe the Althouse commentariat would like to know that I woke up this morning and the first thing that I heard was a song outside my window and the traffic wrote the words. It came a-reeling up like Christmas bells and rapping up like pipes and drums.

I thought that a bit odd, actually.

(3) I should add that I am also grateful for women’s magazines because it was by way of a woman’s magazine that I found out I don’t have any Fordyce's spots on my dinger.

What a relief!

bearing said...

This has been a funny series.

I have never subscribed to women's magazines, but I will confess that every time I have an extended visit with my in-laws, I always curl up on the couch with my MIL's foot-high stack of Good Housekeeping and Family Circle and reconnect with, uh, I don't know, that side of myself.

I always enjoy them even though I finish with a vague sense that I need to use more face cream.

Mortimer Brezny said...

If any ladies need face cream, I can provide you with some for free.

Meade said...

If Trooper were awake, he'd say that's sexist.

nansealinks said...

Surely I thought lawyers had a monopoly on thinking up ways for women to spend their hard earned money from inane write ups. All in all, the comparison of wasting 10 dollars to what you have to pay a lawyer to write up herewithertofour is thusly not even mentionable.

EDH said...

Imagine learning that your romantic partner dutifully adhered to a twice-a-day regimen of care for her eyebrow-scalps.

Actaully, I find a woman's beauty regimine delightful. It's usually something she's developed over years and particular to her. Most of all, it's so not me.

And don't underestimate the power of a woman's magazine over men. Back in the 1990s, we used to meet regularly at my friend's apartment on Thurdays to watch the new episodes of Seinfeld. His wife was at work, and one highpoint for us guys before the show was to read his wife's Glamour magazines when she wasn't there. So, imagine how ROTFL funny this episode was to us as we watched the first broadcast!

Glamour? (Video thru 2:06)

traditionalguy said...

Nausealinks: The day the women can buy creams that remove the anger from the bosom of fools will be the day Lawyers are outdated. In the meantime, Courts and their lawyer priesthood, will keep offering the only real alternative to the Hatfieilds and the McCoys fun and games.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Twice a day? Special eyebrow moisturizer?

In her natural state a woman must be the ugliest thing in God's creation, what with all the preparations she has to go through just to get out the door.

dbp said...

I wonder how accidental their use of "lubing" is? Their professional source was a consultant for Lubriderm. What do you want to bet that there is an ad. for Lubriderm within a few pages of this piece?

Balfegor said...

The writers are sort of trying to make us laugh — lubing up your brows — but also, it seems, seriously trying to make us worry about something — a "trouble zone" — that we've never even thought about — the skin under our eyebrows.

I've actually rubbed in some moisturising lotion there once or twice -- on really dry days when I'm feeling poorly, I've sometimes felt that bit of skin get really itchy, and moisturiser does help. A little. I don't think you need anything special, though -- I just used a dollop of the handcream I use to counteract dryness after using hand sanitiser.

Pogo said...

Sometimes I feel not so fresh.

nansealinks said...

Thank you for calling me nausealinks.

The day we have a healthier per capita lawyer popultion is the day I will finally vote iN an election. Maybe even lib'tarian.

Penny said...

I stopped subscribing to women's magazines around the time I got too busy to read them because I was working my butt off at my chosen profession. Even so and over all these years, put me in a doctor's office waiting room, and I can't keep my mitts off them.

onparkstreet said...

"And don't underestimate the power of a woman's magazine over men. Back in the 1990s, we used to meet regularly at my friend's apartment on Thurdays to watch the new episodes of Seinfeld" - EDH

I had an immediate sense of nostalgia reading that. 90s! Television! Seinfeld!

Sense of nostalgia? Oh, whatever.

Jennifer said...

I'd bet you have skin products on your shelf more expensive, ounce for ounce, than gold.I've never understood this criticism. Value is based on worth. If something is worth more to you than gold, than you'll pay more for it than gold. Simple economics.

rhhardin said...

Supercilious lotion. ``Too good for most people.''

Jen said...

Professor Althouse said, "They're suggesting a $10 skin cream from the drugstore. I wouldn't use anything that cheap on my face. I pay about $80 for face cream, since you asked."

$80 for how much? I'd imagine you can get a gallon of Noxema for that. But Borghese. . . .mmmm.

PatCA said...

Oh, Bissage, LOL. We girls stared at those ads and thought, should we order it or not? What will my Mom say?

john said...

Mortimer - thanks for turning my stomach this morning.

Ann, $80 for face cream, and you ask us to contribute to your Paypal account? I was thinking of $10, but maybe I should up it a bit.

Ralph said...

I'm embarrassed to say I have flaky skin under and below my eyebrows. The mustache area is even worse if I don't shave everyday. I've tried various ointments, all less that $10, but vinegar works the best because the acetic acid kills the bacteria. UV light works, too, but I've already had melanoma.

traditionalguy said...

Inexpensive and still the best skin care for chapped hands and scratshes is called Bag Balm. It is simply lanolin and sulfer. It really works.Whatever the problem, it dissappears overnight.

Palladian said...

It's silly to spend a lot of money on a moisturizer unless you're doing it for the scent, because about the only ingredient that's different between cheaper cremes and more expensive is the quality of the fragrance.

I recommend Nivea Creme for all purposes. Make sure it's the version in the metal tin and make sure it says "Made in Germany" on the back. They manufacture elsewhere (Mexico, UAE, etc) but the German version is better in my opinion.

If you want to spend a lot of money on a great scent, blow it on Annick Goutal Crème Splendide, which contains active rose serum unlike all those other cremes with lazy rose serums!

Palladian said...

"In her natural state a woman must be the ugliest thing in God's creation, what with all the preparations she has to go through just to get out the door."

Yup.

The great thing is that they do it all to please men and to irritate each other.

Ralph said...

Bag Balm is udderly effective, because that's what it's for.
More troll bait:
Who writes about eyebrows? In the lengthy excerpts that I have gathered from a half dozen other contemporary political memoirs -- 150,000 words in all -- there is no mention of "eyebrows" at all.

Ann Althouse said...

I use 2 different Lancome products, one for day and one at night. It's about $80 for maybe 1.7 ounces.

Ralph said...

chapped hands and scratshes
Do you get those in cat fights?

Ralph said...

Wonder what Mrs. Lanny Davis uses?

Ralph said...

If Althouse read that, she'll have to change brands.

Jennifer said...

Palladian, you know, I've heard that. But, I don't see how it can be true. There is such a difference in the way they make your skin feel - and not just expensive vs. cheap. For hand creams, for example, Gold Bond Intensive Something Or Other (at $5.99 or so) is far and away the best. I've tried and liked more expensive ones from Korres, L'Occitane, Kiehls, etc...but the cheap ass old people stuff just works.

For eye creams, Lancome has one that I like, Dior has one that does nozhing and Kinerase (at $60 or so for a little tube) blows the others out of the water.

Is that entirely in my head? And if so, how does my head choose between the many? I tend to think there have to be differences. How can there not be?

Jennifer said...

Jeebus, I just looked it up...$62 for 0.7 ounces. Egad. Still worth it.

Ralph said...

Dior has one that does nozhing
Dahling, I love you, but it only works on Park Avenue.

traditionalguy said...

Ralph: No, but if you ever give a cat a bath, then you will need Bag Balm. Everyday life causes scratches and scrapes, especially in the garden/yard work. I thought the stuff must be a quaint joke myself, but then I found out that it does quick wonders for healing human skin. A lifetime size tin costs about $8 at a drug store.

Jennifer said...

Ralph, lol. But, something had to be done to poke some fun in the middle of a comment that was sounding annoyingly pretentious...

nansealinks said...

oh yea and TM.

didn't the mccoys just need a geneticist, a doctor, and therapy?

that many McCoys suffer from the autosomal dominant Von Hippel-Lindau disease, with 75% of them having tumors on their adrenal glands. This has led to speculation that symptoms of this disease caused some of the violent tendencies manifested by McCoys during the feud.

Penny said...

Ah yes, creams and dreams when it's really about genes.