May 28, 2009

Archie picks Veronica!

Oh, no!

34 comments:

Jennifer said...

Maybe Betty will finally pick her self respect up off the floor and pick somebody who is into her.

bearbee said...

Archie and Veronica medicare eligible.

Elizabeth whats-her-name should ask Veronica her secret for youth.

Bob said...

Angelina winsa again!

traditionalguy said...

I am confused. Is Veronica settling for a man, and one man at that. This must be an older cartoon.

Big Mike said...

I haven't read an Archie comic in at least fifty years. Is Veronica's daddy still rich? Might that have something to do with his choice?

Just asking.

Treacle said...

And after Betty got pregnant to try to win Archie and everything. Well now I guess we'll have to have the Very Special Issue where Betty gets an abortion.

MadisonMan said...

Wouldn't a better twist be that Archie picks Reggie?

Ralph said...

What is the cross-hatching on Archie's head supposed to represent? I knew a woman who had diamond-hatching highlighted there, but on a man?
Anyone think they'll be virgins on their wedding night?

T Mack said...

The comic ought to blaze a new path with Archie picking both
Veronica and Betty.
If the ban on same sex marriage is unconstitutional, then the ban on polygamy is too.

Hell, might as well go all the way and have Archie pick Betty, Veronica and Jughead.
That will be legal soon too.

PS Does Archie own a dog or a cat or a sheep?

ricpic said...

Archie's making a mistake. The sex with Veronica will be hotter...for six months; but Betty would have made the better wife.

Cross hatching is supposed to represent the shorter hair on the back and sides of the head.

Palladian said...

It's always weird to me to see narrative progression in a story where the characters can never age and the situation can never change.

Ron said...

The eventual divorce from Rich Bitch will yield better returns than working at Home Depot with Betty for 40 years...and then he can still marry Reggie, er, Betty.

Kensington said...

Yeah, Palladian, I feel the same way every time Spider-Man or Superman gets married, or dies, or whatever. In fact, I dare say the illusion of story progression usually ends up damaging things by making the pointlessness of reading it all the more transparent.

But back to Archie, I suspect he's just angling for Veronica's dad to pay him off so he can run off to San Francisco with Reggie.

Or he's planning to gaslight Veronica.

Or he's going to hire Moose to murder Veronica so he can inherit the money and then betray moose so he can run off with Midge. That's what I would do, anyway.

Florida said...

That's OK. Betty will have the last laugh when Veronica takes that stupid SOB for half of everything he has.

In about two or three years, when she's decided Archie just doesn't make enough money to support her extravagant lifestyle, she'll divorce him.

She'll get the house in Riverdale; he'll be on the hook paying for all those loans she took out in college and God forbid there's a kid involved.

He'll be paying all her bills so that, you know, the government doesn't have to write her a check, and she'll be banging Reggie Mantle and spending all of Archie's ali-money down the malt shop.

So, you know, Betty has that to look forward to.

Fkin idiot.

Bissage said...

When I was a little kid, I read Archie comic books at the barber shop while I was waiting for my father to get his hair cut.

I always had a thing for Veronica; no offense to Betty. But it always seemed to me that the day would come when I would grow up, and I would come home early from the office, and I’d find Veronica full of Valium and booze, out by the swimming pool, naked, thrashing wildly, deep at the center of a nasty Guatamalen cluster fuck, barking orders whenever she could catch her breath.

And at that precise moment I would realize why our landscaping always looks so much better than that of our neighbors.

That’s pretty much why I think Archie is making the right decision here.

William said...

How often does a schlub like Archie get to choose between two girls like Veronica and Betty? That's like asking Tom Ewell to choose between Marilyn Monroe and Ava Gardner. The very fact that you have such a choice to make is paradise enough.....In high school most choices are between the bad and the truly awful. Maybe that's the appeal of Archie. It's a utopian vision.

Big Mike said...

@Florida, or could a good lawyer help Archie get hold of half of Daddy Lodge's millions?

rhhardin said...

There's a My First Reader book somewhere showing the further adventures of Dick and Jane into advanced adulthood.

rhhardin said...

That's like asking Tom Ewell to choose between Marilyn Monroe and Ava Gardner.

Never date an actress or a model.

jayne_cobb said...

Kensington,

Spider man is no longer married as he literally made a deal with the devil (Mephisto in Marvel) to save his Aunt May who had been shot to death by a sniper aiming for Peter who had announced his identity to the public during the massive (and crappy) Civil War crossover. In exchange for his marriage and all memories of it Mephisto would bring back his aunt and Peter Parker would be a bachelor again. This all occurred in a story entitled One More Day.

Apparently Joe Quesada (editor in chief of Marvel) hated the concept of a married Spiderman and thought it prevented readers from relating to him; so an editorial mandate was issued. However, the choice was panned by pretty much everybody and even the author (J. Michael Straczynski of Babylon 5) threatened to take his name off the book.

Now if you want to see some serious progression and death issues you should look at DC and all their Batfamily characters. There have been 4 different Robins: 1 died and came back during Infinite Crisis; 1 was tortured and died but was later retconned back to life.

Batman himself is currently only around 33 years old despite all of his adventures. He's also thought dead (killed by Darkseid during Final Crisis) but was really shifted to another dimension where he currently is living in a cave.

But you're right in that this will all be undone within the next two or three years and never be spoken of again.

Synova said...

My money is on a hoax.

It will be the old misunderstanding caused by the rehearsal of a play... but not a play, something else.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Jughead looks so sad. Maybe this will be just the nudge he needs to finally come out of the closet and express his love for Archie.

Ralph said...

Let's not forget Pamela Ewing resurrecting her husband Bobby by waking up from a season-long dream. I wonder how they kissed during sex, since they both had such big, firm breasts.

Penny said...

If it took Archie over fifty years to decide to marry, I think it is safe to say that most of us will be dead before the divorce.

Beth said...

jayne_cobb: thanks for that great summary. I couldn't make a dent in Infinite Crisis (Infinite Comic Sales, I figured). I remember when that kicked off, I came to the shop for my comics folder and there were something like 20 comics in there, and my bill was $100 - what the heck? As you said, in two years no one will remember this, so I bailed on that whole thing.

jayne_cobb said...

Beth,

As a general rule I pretty much refuse to buy crossovers. However, I got suckered into this one.

On the plus side I only stuck with the main comic and not the three or four dozen tie-ins, although this was mainly a result of me being broke (incidentally comics are my anti-drug).

DaveO said...

I smell a hoax. Pretty good publicity stunt.

It's going to tie into current events. Archie's going to propose to Reggie.

Eli Blake said...

Wouldn't a better twist be that Archie picks Reggie?Naw...

Reggie runs a Ponzi scheme, thinking he is too smart to get caught.

Only he's not as smart as he thinks he is, and the 'brainless oaf' (Jughead) he got for a roommate thinking he could frame him in an emergency is actually not as dumb as Reggie thinks he is, and tips off the feds.

Reggie goes to prison and when he gets there he finds Moose, who is doing 40-to-life for armed robbery and aggravated assault, and Moose wins Reggie playing a game of cards. After ripping out all his chest and facial hair by the roots and wearing a dress, Moose satisfies himself, renames Reggie "Regina" and rents him out to anyone who can smuggle him a pack of cigarettes.

Meanwhile Jughead takes the reward money and starts a wildly successful hamburger restaurant (nobody makes 'em better) and proposes to the jilted Betty, while Archie divorces Veronica on the same day Jughead and Betty begin their fifty years of bliss.

Beau said...

Maybe Betty will finally pick her self respect up off the floor and pick somebody who is into her.
Post of the day!

Pete said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pete the Streak said...

This, quite frankly, leaves me deeply concerned.

What's next? The Professor chooses Ginger over Maryann?

Say it ain't so.....

Balfegor said...

How often does a schlub like Archie get to choose between two girls like Veronica and Betty?

That segues into another question I've had -- who's the target market for comics like Archie? You'd think it's men, who can relate to the everyman/nonentity title character (at least, as far as I understand him -- I think I've read something like one Archie comic in my entire life, and that when I was little; everything I know is by cultural osmosis and wikipedia), but do men (or boys or whatever) really read Archie?

Gigi said...

Archie is just a loser. Nice blog.

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