February 22, 2009

An Althouse blog fund-raiser.

I write this blog for pure love and expression, as you must know by now, but, nevertheless, I think it's good for writers to be paid. Everyone seems to love to quote Samuel Johnson's line "No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money." It's a good way to tweak writers, and, really, why not tweak writers? Most of us are full of ourselves. Why do we think the world owes us because we give verbal form to our thoughts? You've got thoughts too, and we ought to be grateful that you are reading at all.

You could hit my PayPal button and make a donation, but that rarely happens, and I can't conceive of badgering you to just give me money. I could write a book or do a photography collection and push it to you, but really, time has proved that I'm not going to do that. My energy is in writing the blog, and I'm not going to do anything that dissipates that energy.

But last night I got an idea for a fund-raiser. I was reading the comments on "At the Mauve Café" and I nearly died laughing reading the stuff Titus wrote. I said, I should make a CD of me reading Titus comments — from that post and others, the funniest stuff, which I'd select. Price of the CD to be determined Now, Titus did the writing so I need him to willingly, eagerly, and open-heartedly donate the license to me to use his comments this way, in support of my writing on the blog. Okay, Titus?

170 comments:

skellat said...

You've caught my interest.

john said...

Sounds good, but could you put it on an itunes or some direct download thingy?

Oh, you want to get paid. Nevermind.

And if Titus wants artistic control over his comments, you can use mine, gratis. It's the least I could do after I broke your google map, I think.

Maguro said...

No thanks to the Titus CD, but didn't you used to have a deal where you could donate through Amazon? What happened to that?

chuck b. said...

Oh my..!

I would of course include selected tracks in the music program that I play during the cocktail hour before all my dinner parties.

Like everyone else in the world is going to do once this gets in circulation!

Everyone one the coasts, I mean.


Your level of celebrity is about to tick up a notch.

john said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
john said...

Oh yes, if he plans on including photos (loaves, lovers, clumbers, etc), count me out.

Slave Laborer George #3W7D said...

I shall have more to say later, but my lunch of boiled cabbage and macaroni is getting cold.

Lawgiver said...

That's one fund raiser I won't participate in. I get all the loaf pinching humor I need in my own home. There is nothing more entertaining than watching one of my dogs laying cable in my back yard. I mean, come on, Rascal craps while standing on only three legs, that's funny stuff! And sometimes when a loaf dries out he'll even bring it into the house to play with it, yeehaa, a good time is had by all!

And don't even get me started on my Dad's ileostomy bag, not many people get to watch themselves shit up close and personal, that's a real hoot!

Palladian said...

This is a terrible idea. I can't think of anything more repellent than having to listen to Titus's comments.

But this is the way the wind is blowing around here. Apparently someone's endless commentary about their excrement and their fictive sexual encounters and their ugly dogs is what passes for interesting conversation these days.

Will you include the parts where he insults other commenters? How about when he sexually harasses female commenters, asking about their tits? What about his unfunny faux-conservative rants? Will these all be a part of the collection?

Bleh. Better to make a best-of cd of your late podcast or sell prints of your photographs or squirrel mugs or simply as for donations like Andrew Sullivan used to do?

Frodo Potter said...

Professor Althouse,

I’m not sure I would pay good money for a CD or DVD of readings from the (sometimes) funny comments of Titus, but your general idea has a lot of merit. What I would find interesting is a DVD of you discussing posts that particularly moved you (some of which MIGHT include comments of Titus). In particular these would be comments that weren’t necessary ha-ha funny, but had a deep level of irony, or perhaps quixotic idealism.

Along these lines, I would also suggest you discussing comments with profound insights as to the law, particularly if you had reason to believe that the person making the comments was neither a lawyer, nor a law student.

Lastly, you had a recent post (in the last month) as to the most interesting and quirky book in people’s houses. Why not bring out the ten most interesting books in your house, or even the ten house interesting objects, and discuss them? I think this could be a winner. It also has the benefit of being something that readers cannot duplicate. If readers really wanted to know every last thing Titus said (a dubious assertion), they could carefully hunt his comments down. Readers don’t have access to your library or your knickknack shelf.

Ann Althouse said...

Palladian, I knew it would bug you, and I think it would be good to include some counterpoint from you, with your permission, assuming I get Titus's permission.

Curtiss said...

Would there be a market for such a thing? I'm not so sure. I have to admit that Titus' comments are quite amusing. They are indeed laugh-out-loud funny, sometimes. I'm not sure why I think that.

As for the Pay Pal donation thingy, maybe you should promote it more. Perhaps move it up to the top in a more prominent location and add a few encouraging words. All in an understated, yet distinguished way, of course.

I'll send you a donation, Professor. I do donate to bloggers that I like. But in return you'll have to send me a thank you note telling me what a swell guy I am.

Mr. Forward said...

The last thing we need from Titus is sound effects.

madawaskan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ron said...

Have Tom Waits playing as background music for Titus Readings!

PatCA said...

Well, there are the Titus people and the not so Titus people. He doesn't even make me mad - he makes me keep scrolling.

I am afraid I am with Palladian on this one.

Zachary Paul Sire said...

I don't think you need anyone's permission to use their words in a CD. This is your blog, so anything said here in the comments belongs to you. I know you're just being courteous though. Not that Titus will turn you down anyway...he lives for this kind of attention.

Charlie said...

I'd rather just donate through Paypal.

traditionalguy said...

That's a winner Professor. We can market the CD as "Best Collected Humor from the Althouse Outhouse".

Paco Wové said...

I think you'd get a better monetary return if you made it into a threat; as in, "Unless you donate, I'm going to make this into all-Titus, all the time."

The things you find interesting just mystify me (and not in a good way).

john said...

(Correction - divide, not multiply, distance by velocity, to obtain shelf life. Sorry about that. I will leave my comment up another 10^5 shelf lives.)

AllenS said...

I was going to hit the PayPal button, until "the stuff Titus wrote" showed up. Why you're humored by his playing with his shit is beyond me. I skip everything he writes. I agree with Palladian.

john said...

I'm not ashamed to say I'm a little hurt, but I am true to my word.

mcg said...

I'll buy the CD only if you promise to incinerate it.

mcg said...

Or flush it down his toilet.

jeff said...

Also agree with Palladian. The logs and hogs thing has been beaten to death. No idea what you found so funny you "nearly died laughing" over. To each his own, I guess. Michael and Titus are flags to skip to the next comment.

Ann Althouse said...

Titus's writing is hilarious. It's different, but it's not cheap and easy. It's not just ordinary dirty talk. I think if you heard my performance of it, you might see why I like it so much.

Mark said...

I find the Titus fellow tiresome with all the ongoing comments about his shit. That got tired in 6th grade. I could see it being funny if it was some sort of one-time joke but he goes on and on with it to the point that it becomes something between passive-aggressiveness and some mild form of retardation.

I admit to asking myself if I am somehow missing the joke because I haven't read this blog that regularly or for that long. Maybe there's some context I missed where it's really funny that a guy keeps talking about his shit...that he thinks other people want to read that.

But since I can see other presumably long-term readers here are as repelled by it as I am, I guess I feel a little more confident in my gut judgment that the guy is repulsive. I try not to read his comments either.

It makes me wonder a little about Ms. Althouse that she thinks he's actually "laugh out loud funny". Huh?

Dennis said...

I confess to being completely mystified that this Titus person gets a positive reaction from a lot of you, including Althouse.

I don't get it, and I certainly wouldn't pay to hear it dramatized.

TitusFreezeFrame said...

ok

blake said...

I think people are jumping the gun.

I find the idea...odd...myself, but I'd certainly listen to a sampler--a proof of concept, if you will.

She's a-cooking up something.

Slave Laborer George #3W7D said...

Start-up media company has a successful project. Wants to diversify.

Owner/founder, based on limited customer feedback and personal tastes, decides to launch new product in a different medium.

Founder seeks venture capital.

Current economic environment: Dismal.

Likely result: Not good.

Consider how packaged goods companies launch new product lines: They piggyback the new product on an existing successful product. For example, P&G might put a sample of a new fabric softener inside a box of detergent before investing in substantial start-up costs. Or the Oreo people might give away a new version of Oreos as samples before a full roll-out.

Sheepman said...

Perhaps you could join forces with Alex Kozinski and prove that there is no correlation between a fine legal mind and a decent sense of humor.

Beth said...

That Mark persona and the Dennis character make use of an interesting reference to "this Titus person" and "that Titus fellow."

Why not just refer to him as Titus?

Pffft.

Skeptical said...

I know why Althouse likes Titus's shtick.

Even the lame crap that Titus serves up over and over becomes performance art through his sticking to it over the long haul. When one thinks of the narrative strand that is Titus's 'I squeezed out a loaf this morning, and it had two heads,' etc., picturing it extended in time, itself like an endless loaf shat out of Titus, it has an aesthetic appeal that none of the individual loaf comments even hints at individually. So when Althouse laughs at Titus's loaf remarks, she is laughing at it not on its own, but only as a loaf-moment, if you will, in the unending loaf.

AJ Lynch said...

Althouse coulda had a brain-freeze in that snow when she thought of this.

Titus's best line is when he says stuff like "Good Morning Fellow Republicans".

It appears some of us will pay you to refrain from broadcasting the Titus crynicles.

Simon said...

Ditto Palladian, Jeff, Mark, and Dennis. I find it hard to understand the apparent affection for two commenters whose contributions rarely rise above the level of soiling these pages.

Besides, even if we were talking about comments that were in themselves interesting, what could possibly be less interesting than a CD of someone reading comments that I could read in half the time (and skip in no time at all)? Didn't Althouse recently grouse about web video and TV news for precisely this reason?

Dennis said...

"Why not just refer to him as Titus?"

Calling him "this person" is a small measure of how creepy, distasteful and unwelcome I find his conduct.

Ann Althouse said...

Oh, bullshit, Simon, you know damned well you will be first in line to buy the CD.

traditionalguy said...

Titus is as talented as a Mark Twain and a Bob Hope combined. Acting out the extreme happy life of an animal who eats, shits, and screws all the time, but combining him with the good intelligence,comic timing, and socials skills of a man comes off as a great contrast. Neither category contains all of the truth about us, either the Animal descended according to Darwin, or the man descended from a Creator God who inspires such a gifted writing. These two parts of a Titus Commentary Series, skillfully mixed together allow readers a new point of view and freedom to think farther than their category boundaries have permitted them to think before. Thanks Titus. When not in the mood for Titus, everyone should skip on down to a like minded thinker.

jeff said...

"Oh, bullshit, Simon..."
Hey, if your going to anti-up in the game, might as well buy completely in.
"Oh, titusshit, Simon....."

Ann Althouse said...

Skeptical, excellent comment. I may use some of the reaction comments like that one (and Palladian's). Stop me if you don't want me to.

jeff said...

Jesus Traditionalguy. I want whatever you're drinking. Unless your comment is also a satire on the nonsensical modern art commentary. In which case, well played.

AJ Lynch said...

"Good morning or good evening fellow republicans" cracks me up every time.

But his constant ANALysis is a bit tiring.

pduggie said...

Is there a Titus FAQ? Something to explain him. Most of thectime I don't get it. Wtf?

reader_iam said...

But will you name the CD: Dogs and Hogs: The Titus[insert xxx] Story--or, at least, "Ruffage and Fruits"?

(Heh. That comments thread also references Trooper and booby traps.)

Slave Laborer George #3W7D said...

Arch Deluxe

Newton

Nova

Premier

Rely

Gerber Singles

Bite the wax tadpole.

Simon said...

Ann Althouse said...
"Oh, bullshit, Simon, you know damned well you will be first in line to buy the CD."

A CD within the same general concept? Sure. The particular one described? Doubt it.

mariner said...

I think Althouse is just trying to get us to hit the PayPal button by threatening us with a Titus CD.

The recording industry would need to invent a new color to describe the sales volume. "Hey, did you know the Titus CD just went brown?!"

traditionalguy said...

Jeff... I am only commenting on a blog where I can share what I have learned and enjoyed in life, and I experience great enjoyment when reading Titus' Blog Literature. I cannot explain literature, but I know it when I read it. Maybe a Blog is just a vulgar arena so vulgar comments are not out of place, while life at your local Church meeting is fun too, and not ever vulgar.

jeff said...

Ok. going with the satire theory then.

Palladian said...

Count me out of the project. I've commented upon my general objections to titus's game in many other threads so I'm not going to do it here. Dismiss it as "prudery" or call it bullshit if you want, I don't really care. Please just don't use my comments in such a production. We'll have to agree to disagree on this subject. I wish you the best with the project.

John Stodder said...

Wow. When I clicked on this post, the last thing I expected was a big jump-ugly on Titus. I think the guy's hilarious. I get all your objections. I'm usually not much for poop humor, but there is something so decorous about the way Titus expresses pride in his creations, I can't help but laugh. There's a generosity about his whole approach here. Obviously, he's one of the commenters who disagrees with the majority, but his stings are gentle and sometimes clever.

I'm not saying I'd buy a CD of Titus only. But as an element on a collection that would also have to include Sir Archy, the blogging cockroach, and some of the best of Trooper York? I'd go for that.

But, professor, wouldn't it just be easier for you to write a damn book? You're a pioneer blogger, a pioneer bLAWger, and a pioneer woman blogger. I'm also convinced that you've got one of the few big blogs with political content that isn't essentially dishonest.

Look at mememorandum, which I know you do. Look at who links to and comments on what stories. A particular fact becomes news and it is damaging to Republicans. The leftie blogs jump all over it. The rightie blogs ignore it, pretend it never happened. The reverse occurs when a given fact comes out that's damaging to Dems. But you don't play it that way here. You don't systematically wipe out comments that disagree with your take or that other commenters object to. I suspect that few lefties read your blog except when your vortex sucks one of them in, but if they did, they'd be forced to admit, to their shrinks at least, that you play fair, and that's rare on the blogosphere. Why don't to write a book about this blog, why you do it, what it has added to your life and career, what it's taught you? Use examples from the blog itself -- that's the way to get paid for the writing you've done, anthologize yourself. You can include the best of your commenters, including Titus. The book could include a CD or better yet a DVD of you reading comments.

Think big, Ms. Althouse!

onparkstreet said...

I have to admit, I scroll past the Titus comments because I find them a little bit gross.

And, the funny thing is, I'm trained as a pathologist.

*I would not buy the CD, but I would buy some of the Althouse art, like the Amsterdam drawings or whatever on flickr.

AJ Lynch said...

Stodder is right as usual. Think bigger Althouse.

JAL said...

You were *watching* us last night At the Mauve Café?

Oh my.

john said...

Welcome to the BloggerAlthouse fundraising break. We know you are anxious to get back to our feature program, and we will as soon as we achieve our goal this half hour of $8,000. So for the next 20 of you who click Paypal with a minimum $100 pledge, you will receive a Personalized Althouse coffee mug (including signature lipstick smudge) as our thanks.

Finally, I must say that, for a first-ever fundraising effort, your response has been unprecedented.

Pastafarian said...

I agree with most of the commenters here -- I scroll past Titus comments as fast as I can.

And I'm no prude; and I appreciate good blue humor. Titus isn't funny, he's just revolting; I guess some people find it amusing to picture other people's revulsion.

There are a lot of great commenters here -- Palladian, Blake, Revenant, etc. -- the idea of honoring someone who hijacks threads with poop humor really seems like a horrible idea.

I would pay you to NOT make this CD. Maybe you should do some market research, and conduct a poll: See how many commenters would contribute $15 in exchange for your agreeing to never make such a CD; and see how many commenters would pay $15 for such a CD; and allow the market to work this out.

And I'm with onparkstreet -- if there was a book of Althouse's photos, I'd buy that.

Beau said...

I think it's a brilliant idea. Very Monty Pyton. I love how Titusraisealittlehell perfectly punctures the pompousness of many posters and understand why your idea may not be popular with the locals. I,OTOH, think it's the perfect gift for net nerds.

Michael Hasenstab said...

The CD may be a good idea.

Why can't the narrator and the author do this as a self-funded work? How costly could it be?

One has a job that allows a nice life in Madison, the other lives in Manhattan and recently posted a comment describing value of his stock options, salary, etc.

Graham Nash said...

How to spot a failed academic:

Look for the phrase "I could write a book..."

Krylobite said...

Hey, professor, I can write all the details you want about menstrual blood.

If you give me 20%, it can be more disguisting than Titus.

If you give me 50%, in addition I'll supply you with similar grotesque details about my formerly Sapphic lifestyle.

That should really get your old fart male audience's attention. Would outsell some gay guy's bowel habits 2-1.

Titus: Don't flush your loaf down the toilet. Ask for a percentage.

Krylobite said...

P.S.--They didn't call me Strapon Sue for nothing.

blogging cockroach said...

uh oh
i sense a race to the bottom
for althouse s attention

reader_iam said...

bc:

a race to the bottom

Was that an intentional or unintentional pun?

dualdiagnosis said...

Please no.

That whole style of commenting is boring.

Kind of like a smart ass 6 yr old.

Jason (the commenter) said...

I'd buy that CD. And when people asked who Ann Althouse was I'd lend it to them. Also, when my upstairs neighbors were being noisy (or my next door neighbors having sex), I'd play it really loud on repeat and go see a movie.

It would be wonderful if Althouse included sound effects, but not necessary.

Also an artistic shot of a urinal cake or toilet would be nice for the cover. Maybe Althouse sitting on a toilet (clothed of course)? Or the Polaroid with her headlights on?

Simon said...

I wouldn't buy the Titus CD, but I might buy Krylobite's. ;)

ballyfager said...

Always wondered why Titus was tolerated. Turns out, he's not only tolerated, he's celebrated. And it's because he's funny.

Oh.

Palladian said...

"I love how Titusraisealittlehell perfectly punctures the pompousness of many posters..."

This is what people with underdeveloped minds always say when they can't understand the adult's conversations.

Man, dude, I love the rebels that "fuck shit up", man! That's so cool! Let's throw some more turds at the pompous old squares! The Establishment is plastic, man! Wooo! That's hardcore, man man!

Titus is not just a harmless minstrel in a faggot costume debasing himself for the pleasure of the straights. If you have read enough of his comments (and there are certainly a lot of them), you'll have noticed that there's a deep nasty streak underneath all the "namaste" crap. The titus project is to disrupt any attempt at reasonable conversation and drive away the intelligent commenters and readers. It hasn't totally worked fortunately, but I have to say that my interest in reading the comments on a post drastically diminishes when I see his alias.

Recall the recent flooding toilet incident, where we were told in great detail about how his shit-tainted toilet water was flooding into other people's apartments. Now, think about the story as a metaphor for his contributions here.

Somebody needs to get the plunger.

EDH said...

Here's how I picture a meet-up dinner between Althouse, Titus, Palladian and one other Titus critic, say Lawgiver.

You can guess who plays which part.

Palladian said...

"Always wondered why Titus was tolerated."

Unfortunately Althouse's commendable respect for free speech in her comments has allowed some bad-faith commenters to do a lot of damage to the community.

I don't understand the attraction Althouse has for titus's writing. I mean, the first few times he talked about his vapid life and his "rare clumbers" I thought it was amusing. But it quickly got old and quickly became apparent that his intentions were not good-faith performance art. The same with "Maxine".

To me, titus is like a blackface minstrel amusing a crowd of upper-class white people. I'm not entirely comfortable with his clownish and repulsive depiction of a gay man. And I'm still not convinced he's not an entirely fictitious character.

Palladian said...

"You can guess who plays which part."

Oh I hope I'm Ralphie! I always appreciated his appealing mixture of sardonicism and naiveté.

Simon said...

Palladian said...
"The titus project is to disrupt any attempt at reasonable conversation and drive away the intelligent commenters and readers. It hasn't totally worked fortunately, but I have to say that my interest in reading the comments on a post drastically diminishes when I see his alias."

There are many commenters who add to this blog, but a few who subtract. See also Lucy/Lucky/Michael and most of DTL's recent contributions (unfortunately; I recognize that he's capable of intelligent participation when he doesn't have a bee in his bonnet about some new perceived slight against the gay community, i.e. himself). Surprisingly, only one of the three is acknowledged as a pest.

rhhardin said...

Where's the Imus Versace bit...

here real audio, Sep 5, 1999. It seems to cut off rather abruptly; maybe the topic changed then.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Always wondered why Titus was tolerated.

I always wondered why Palladian was tolerated. I bet they are the same person!

former law student said...

Prof. A's voice (from her vlogs) is surprisingly girlish. While that might create an interesting effect, I would like to hear some sonorous male voice -- perhaps Patrick Stewart's?

Theo Boehm said...

EDH, that was hilarious.

Palladian and Simon make very good points about Titus' effect, if not his real intentions. I don't know if he means to be disruptive in the way Palladian thinks, but it seems plausible, if not likely.

When Titus writes about some place or thing I know about, it's inevitably misapprehended and cartoonish. It seems, as Palladian points out, as if he's toying with the suckers. His putative sexual escapades are along the same lines, again, per Palladian.

Krylobite, upthread, illustrates another angle of this, by offering what might be grotesque porn. Part of what Titus is about, as has been said, is the making of everything he tells into clownish and unappealing grotesquerie. Althouse reading Krylobite's porn would certainly attract attention, but it wouldn't have the same underlying dark and hostile humor, if you want to call it that, of Titus' offerings. The point of porn is to attract; Titus' goal is to repel. I do think, however, there's something to learn in the process.

Althouse has in the past attracted to "comic" characters, such as Maxine, who were classic long-range trolls, and whose goal was disruption exactly as Palladian describes. I think Althouse's commitment to free speech assumes that openness toward, and even, in the case of Titus, a co-opting of hostility that is the best way to handle it. She may have a point and a lesson to teach here. Or she may be incredibly naive about the motivations of disruptive people.

Among the many things I have learned in this blog these past years is to never underestimate Althouse, especially in her longstanding role as teacher.

Michael Hasenstab said...

Now if John Facenda narrated...that would be irony.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Here's how I picture a meet-up dinner between Althouse, Titus, Palladian and one other Titus critic, say Lawgiver.

Here's how I picture it.

Guesst said...

Titus sort of annoys me, so I would most likely not buy him being done by anyone.

Could we not just raffle off the old Kindle? I would pay 10.00 for a chance to win it, provided it was autographed by A.A.

ballyfager said...

"never underestimate Althouse"... I'd say never overestimate her if she thinks Titus is funny.

jeff said...

Krylobite offer if followed thru on, seems like it would be just like Monty Python and Mark Twain. Or to specific, as like them at Titus is.

Monty Python
Large Man with Dead Body: Who's that then?
The Dead Collector: I dunno, must be a king.
Large Man with Dead Body: Why?
The Dead Collector: He hasn't got shit all over him.

Titus
I ran out of toilet paper today and I had to wipe my third pinched loaf with the closest available sock.


Well, son of a gun. Exactly the same. Almost as if he plagiarized Python. Cause they both concern shit. And of course now I notice how he "perfectly punctures the pompousness of many posters..."

It all makes sense now.

Kirk Parker said...

Wow, you Titus fans amaze me. Is a little bit of loaf-pinching humorous? Sure, if done right.

But over and over and over and over and over and over and ....

... not so much.

Titus' production here reminds me of that Dilbert strip. Frame one: Wally says to someone (probably the high-strung woman), "Heh, you want some coffee with that sugar?" Frame 2: She dumps the coffee all over him. Frame 3 (as he walks out of the room with Dilbert): "I don't get it, it was funny the first 247 times I said it!"

Bushman of the Kohlrabi said...

I too became bored with Titus's shtick a long time ago. I find myself bypassing most of his posts these days.

A book of your photographs would be interesting. A brown stinky Titus CD? Not so much.

Lawgiver said...

"A Christmas Story" is one of my all time favorite movies! And Palladian I'm probably much more like the character Darren McGavin portrays than Ralphie. At least that's what my son would say.

McGavin was a great character actor, remember "Kolchak: The Night Stalker?"

Michael Hasenstab said...

Remember the Spinal Tap album? Smell The Glove?

Smell The Loaf. Brown cover.

Penny said...

Two thumbs up for Althouse, two thumbs up for Titus and two thumbs up for Palladian and all the rest of you.

The beauty of Ann's blog is its diversity. She has created an exceptional oasis here, where those who have very different sensibilities can come for a little bit of this, and a little bit of that.

I love politics and law. I love art and photography, and humor, and commenting on headlines. I could go on and on. The best thing that Ann has brought us ALL, is a place where we can virtually sit down and hash nearly ANYTHING out, and nearly always without making those not-like-us our enemies...or worse yet, buffoons.

Face it. Most of us head out on the internet every day for hours. Some might like to spend most of their time listening to those who say EXACTLY what they are thinking. Some take some time to check out msm links, or even the political "opposition". But where the heck do we choose to plop our asses down at the end of a hard day, or a boring day or a so-so kind of day? Right the heck here at Ann Althouse's place.

And why is that? I suggest it is because Ann is OPEN to all of us being EXACTLY the way we are. It is her "gift", and our good fortune, to have found her in this world that is becoming increasingly intolerant.

Please don't screw up what our hostess, Ann, is bringing to the internet.

This fine lady will become famous for opening up her "living room" to all of us. ALL of us.

Count me as one who will be searching out Titus, right after I give Ann a great big hug for keeping us all human.

Money follows value, my dear. And YOU, Ann Althouse, are more valuable than you know.

Ralph said...

"Sex and the City" proved there's a market for women talking about dicks. Perhaps Althouse wants to prove there's a market for women talking about shit.

Theo Boehm said...

Thank you, Penny.

i was going to delete my comment above, because it's boring and not very well written. But I'll leave it up, because Penny said so well what I had in mind. It can stand as a kind of homunculus to Penny's full-formed person.

As irritated as it's possible to be with Althouse, and even though I occasionally disagree with her, it's a mistake to underestimate her and what she's been trying to do here. Penny is exactly right.

Theo Boehm said...

And, Penny, where the hell did you come from?

I think a number of us have been waiting for one like you for quite a while.

blake said...

Ohhhhh. Penny is the one we've been waiting for!

Palladian said...

Good Evening fellow republicans and lovers of the Bush Doctrine. Here's my attempt at a titus audiobook. I took all the comments he made in yesterday's "Mauve Cafe" post and performed them in the closest approximation of my impression of titus that I could throw together in 5 minutes. I did a bit of digital post-processing to "enhance" the performance and added an appropriate backing track.

jeff said...

So Titus and his constant over and over and over and over shtick about loafs and hogs is part of the diversity just like someone with different social or political viewpoints. Well, then. I look forward to the next thread celebrating cederford and his obsession with Jew lawyers and Jew neocons and ever other issue that he blames on some sort of Jewish conspiracy. Just another diverse viewpoint out here on Althouse. Clearly anyone offended by cederford are just small minded people unwilling to accept an diverse, alternate viewpoint. Just like those who are bored with Titus.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Palladian,

Althouse MUST do this!

I never knew you had such a sexy voice. I always read your stuff (out loud to my friends) in a monotone.

AJ Lynch said...

Christ Penny how many thumbs do you have?

AJ Lynch said...

Palladian that was a damn good demo tape.

But I am afraid Alhouse won't find many paying customers for this new genre.

Theo Boehm said...

Well, blake, I like Penny, and blogging cockroach already wrote a poem to her. An instant rock staah, I think.

Palladian said...

"I never knew you had such a sexy voice. I always read your stuff (out loud to my friends) in a monotone."

Well... uh, thanks I think. But that's not really what my voice sounds like, the pitch and speed is digitally altered and I was laying on the stereotypical faggotry pretty thickly. But my voice is quite animated and modulated, not a monotone at all.

blake said...

I always figured Palladian for a baritone.

And, hey, I'm no Penny-basher. In for a pound, in for a penny, I always say...

Palladian said...

"Well, blake, I like Penny, and blogging cockroach already wrote a poem to her. An instant rock staah, I think."

Wait, where? His comment came before Penny's obsequious little "all you need is love" comment.

Darcy said...

Palladian, with that bit of genius, you do realize you probably just guaranteed Althouse doing this, right? :)

(And I so wish I had your e-mail addy)

Theo Boehm said...

No, Palladian, I left one comment above Penny's. Was going to take it down. THEN Penny's and my reaction.

As Darcy and others said, that may have backfired if Palladian was trying to discourage dramatic readings of Titus' material.

It's pretty funny but too monotonous. Vary the jokes and make it 2 minutes, max.

But the material is editable, which may be all Althouse requires. Somehow though I can't imagine Althouse reading this stuff. Say, Palladian, you may have found yourself a little supplementary gig.

But as I say, Althouse may be playing a more subtle game than some realize. Co-opting Titus may be a much, much better thing she's done than grappling with Maxine or a proxy war with Lucky/Michael.

Theo Boehm said...

The roach wrote a little poem to Penny on the Mauve Tree thread last night. THAT may be the confusion. I assume you all read that.

Jason (the commenter) said...

But that's not really what my voice sounds like

That's too bad, you sounded interesting. At least I have it saved on my computer!

Palladian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Palladian said...

"Palladian, with that bit of genius, you do realize you probably just guaranteed Althouse doing this, right? :)"

My God! What have I done!?

Oh, by the way, I am The Arm, and I sound like this...."

[cough]

Darcy said...

LOL.

blogging cockroach said...

hey theo
isn t that a far far better thing she s done
you ve gotta get your obscure literary
allusions right if you re going to impress
penny

and yes palladian i wrote a little poem to her
but i won t try to paste it here as it s too late
you know i ve been trying to work a little poetry
into my comments but not being the transmigrated
soul of a vers libre poet it s hard but i m told
i should just imitate pope and everyone will be
even more bored not to mention perplexed
than they are by titus s loaves and maybe
krylobite s fishes

Jason (the commenter) said...

Palladian,

You're real voice sounds cute! You could have read what Titus wrote with your normal voice and it would have been just as funny.

Clearly, Althouse should do a compilation.

It would be amazing if Matmos could make it into a song, like Tract for Valerie Solanas.

This also shows the genius of Titus. He's growing on me.

Darcy said...

And you do have a cute voice, Palladian!

Palladian said...

"This also shows the genius of Titus. He's growing on me."

Just like tinea cruris...

"You're real voice sounds cute!"

Gosh! Thanks!

Palladian said...

Here's my LuckyOldSon/Michael voice.

Penny said...

Althouse is a leader, and shaping us all, simply with her presence.

The fucking beauty here is that she is not shaping us all in her own form.

To whoever up above asked where I came from? Same place as you. I hit a link that FINALLY makes some sense to me.

Philosophical "warrior" in need of some middle place...and YES...even better, a sometimes silly place to set my ass down when I have had enough of "all that".

Thank you, Ann, for allowing my butt to rest here.

So? Does this site make my ass look big?

Darcy said...

I'll buy your CD of Althouse commenter impersonations, Palladian.

Theo Boehm said...

Jason, I don't think Matmos does songs, exactly. I just spent 15 minutes looking at their website.  It's very unclear exactly what they do.  I bookmarked them under 'Music,' not having another category.

BUT, it's true. They would be perfect for Titus.  Palladian's off the hook.  The big advantage of Matmos is that they are so weird and boring that Titus' stuff would be unremarkable.

Excellent work, Jason.  But personally, I would like Titus' stuff set as an opera. Too bad Farinelli isn't around to sing it in Italian.

TitusFreezeFrame said...

Palladian that was brillant.

Wow, the time and energy you have devoted to this is remarkable.

More please!

I laughed my ass off!

Daryl said...

You should put up a disclaimer on your comments stating that by posting a comment, a person:

1 - expressly declares that the comment is an original work (or that quotes/paraphrases are properly cited)

2 - retains copyright in the comment, but also expressly grants to Ann Althouse a non-exclusive license to use the comment (copy it, perform it, distribute it, modify it, make derivative works, etc., including for profit)

Palladian said...

"Wow, the time and energy you have devoted to this is remarkable."

Took 5 minutes each, darling.

TitusFreezeFrame said...

Regardless of how much time it took it was terrific.

I bet you even got a little chuckle doing it, didn't you?

That voice, which I know is embelished, is the voice of my comments.

I love how you pronounced burgurs the same way I spelled it. Amazing.

Palladian said...

"Jason, I don't think Matmos does songs, exactly. I just spent 15 minutes looking at their website. It's very unclear exactly what they do. I bookmarked them under 'Music,' not having another category."

Any interest I had in Matmos was thoroughly squelched after I learned that they used samples of recordings of Holocaust survivors in soundtracks that they did for gay porno movies. Ain't being postmodernists grand?

Palladian said...

"That voice, which I know is embelished, is the voice of my comments.

I love how you pronounced burgurs the same way I spelled it. Amazing."

Is clumber pronounced "Klum-bur" or "Klummer"?

TitusFreezeFrame said...

Klum ber-the b is not silent.

TitusFreezeFrame said...

I liked Matmos when they did some stuff with Bjork.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Took 5 minutes each, darling.

"Darling"? Sounds like we have a love/hate relationship going on here!

Theo Boehm said...

That's Björk. Too bad we can't work in some other cute diacritics.

I liked Farinelli when he did stuff with Handel at Covent Garden.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Theo : I don't think Matmos does songs, exactly

I have one of their albums, so they do "make songs." They're not my favorites, but they do put out some good work.

The best way to deal with avant guard stuff is to remember to laugh.

Palladian said...

"I liked Farinelli when he did stuff with Handel at Covent Garden."

I don't think Farinelli ever performed for Handel's company. Besides, Farinelli was overrated. Senesino was the real deal.

Jason (the commenter) said...

I liked Matmos when they did some stuff with Bjork.

Bjork is amazing, my favorite album of hers is Homogenic. Even the artwork on the cover is fantastic.

Palladian said...

"Klum ber-the b is not silent."

The announcer at Westminster this year pronounced it "Klummer". I thought she was wrong.

Palladian said...

"Bjork is amazing, my favorite album of hers is Homogenic."

The only good album she ever did.

Jason (the commenter) said...

The only good album she ever did.

Debut was good, little one. But yeah, she needs to put more energetic songs into her albums. Three good songs do not a great album make!

Palladian said...

"Debut was good, little one. But yeah, she needs to put more energetic songs into her albums. Three good songs do not a great album make!"

Unfortunately it's never going to happen, as she's married into mediocrity. Barney's like kryptonite to good art.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Unfortunately it's never going to happen

Always so extreme... Who knows where she gets her inspiration from? She's had at least two good albums and still produces good songs. She just hasn't gotten it all together lately.

Theo Boehm said...

I know about Farinelli, but they had him do so in the movie, as I recall, and that's the picture I want to paint. Frankly, I don't care at the moment about the details, and neither should anyone else. Nicolini was Handel's most famous castrato who starred in Rinaldo, and let Addison into such a field of raillery, which I think Sir Archy once covered for this blog.

Any interest I had in Matmos was thoroughly squelched after I learned that they used samples of recordings of Holocaust survivors in soundtracks that they did for gay porno movies. Ain't being postmodernists grand?

Why am I not in the least bit surprised, having spent all of a quarter of an hour researching them on the web? Seems we're talking a lot tonight about people being parodies of themselves.

Michael said...

"I nearly died laughing reading the stuff Titus wrote."

You're kidding, right?

Theo Boehm said...

Hey, Gene. How's the psychological research going?

Theo Boehm said...

Do you have commentators on this blog categorized in some way, and what criteria do you use to insert your comments?

Theo Boehm said...

I'm was interested in psychology in college, but haven't explored it much since.

I imagine you look at the populations of commentators on certain threads, and when they meet certain criteria, you then go ahead and insert comments of a predetermined affective content.

Theo Boehm said...

We really should have Trey explain to us his ideas of what you might be up to.

Have you published anything yet? I've looked, but academic papers and monographs are still not easy to find on the web.

If we knew your methodology, we could tailor our responses accordingly, although we know you probably wouldn't like that.

But you've got to realize that if your research involves tearing this place up and seeing what makes the people here tick, we might be inclined to return the favor.

reader_iam said...

Goodness, Gracious, Great Balls O' Fire.

Theo Boehm said...

Hey, reader. I was just going to bed, when who should show up, but our psychologist from Southern California, Gene.

But enough of him. How are you? How were the Oscars?

reader_iam said...

@theo: My comment, though coming right after yours, wasn't specific to it, but rather a general reax after quickly scanning all the responses in neglected gmail-tracks. No more, no less. (No matter.)

As for the Oscar question, no way could I, would I recreate any specific or meaningful response after all that tweeting (to which I'm sure you're privy, if desired--and 100% OK if not.) Let's just say: Fine, thanks.

; )

reader_iam said...

Oh my God.

Beau said...

"This is what people with underdeveloped minds always say when they can't understand the adult's conversations."

Oh, snap.

The beauty of Titus is that he doesn't let anyone get under his skin and this drives those who try crazy and so you resort to name calling.

"The titus project is to disrupt any attempt at reasonable conversation and drive away the intelligent commenters and readers. It hasn't totally worked fortunately"

Right, it's all about you. I doubt he gives a loaf whether you stay or go. Just skim past his posts if he distresses you that much.♠

The diversity of the comments on this site is what makes it an interesting read. It wouldn't be so, if everyone held the same POV.

reader_iam said...

What I didn't say to Theo was that the reason I dipped back into this thread is that I did note via alert that Palladian had created some sort of audio related to the debate elsewhere and carried over here--but I was occupied elsewhere this evening. I made a note to check it out later, because of who created it, and that was that.

It's later. I've checked. If I didn't know better, I'd think I was listening to an answering machine-message from an old friend of mine from back in the day. LOL.

(I did also catch it's not YOUR voice, Palladian. But haven't yet followed the other stuff.)

As for Titus, I came to terms long ago & so all's OK;--but then, I'm not invested in any same way I can think of as is Althouse, Palladian, anyone else or Titus himself. So I can view it in passing from my vantage point as a speck of dust in the wind.

Whoooooshshshhhhh .... .

PatCA said...

Instead of putting all your energy into the Titus oeuvre, which may or may not accomplish your goal, you could turn it around and offer to ban him, or someone, for a certain period of time for x amount. Think of the bidding wars that would erupt in a hotly contested thread!

Beau said...

So I can view it in passing from my vantage point as a speck of dust in the wind.

Sanity.

TitusFreezeFrame said...

I have all off Bjorks CDs. I have the Sugar Cubes too.

I love Selma Songs.

She is one of my favorite singers. She is fucking great in concert. I love her husbands stuff too.

I actually love most everything she has done. Although I hated that movie she was in where that guy stole her money. I loved the music but when she was singing on the train I wanted to puke.

All and all there is a lot of love here.

And hate I guess-150 comments on me? One commenter was right I don't give a shit...obviously.

What I do think is amusing is if anyone tried to share this with someone outside of this blog.

So there is a commenter who comments about pinching loaves. I am thinking of putting it on a CD (Althouse). I am actually going to tape some of his comments in a very queeny voice (Palladian). Try explaining that to someone at your next company staff meeting.

Also, this place would be boring without me. Just another voice bitching about liberals. Ignore me, although it seems to be hard for some.

And I actually do talk to my friends like I talk on this blog. I think I have mentioned this before but I actually leave recordings on my friends voicemails of me pinching loaves with grunts and groans and everything. They in turn forward them to other friends. I have also called them when I am having sex and let them listen. The trick doesn't know but it is my little way of sharing my life with my friends.

Now I feel a virtual group hug coming on. Don't you?

reader_iam said...

Titus: As already stated (and long demonstrated) I'm OK with "let it be" and "let you be you." I'm also not loving the extensive commenting on one particular commenter here at Althouse (because if it could happen to one, why not any one?).

That said: Pray tell, show me one--just one!--specific instance when you seriously defended any other Althouse commenter, demonstrated in any way that you would put it on the line for another temporarily or permanently, in whole or in part, a persona non grata. And I don't mean in your joking, loafin', bragging, hog-gobbling, clumber-hugging, change-my-blogger-handle way--which is all in character & all that + fabulous, & I'm OK with it--but still, dude, seriously: Is there any example?

In any case, whatever. As you say, you don't give a shit--which, I'll agree (on so many levels) is the best model to be, or at least pursue.

Simon said...

Beau said...
"The diversity of the comments on this site is what makes it an interesting read. It wouldn't be so, if everyone held the same POV."

Indeed, but scatology isn't a POV. Plus, I suppose that the answer to your comment and Penny's is that no one's talking about banning Titus - those who don't like him skip him. We've merely expressed puzzlement for why he should be rewarded and honored.

MadisonMan said...

I haven't read all the commentary here, but I don't get the antipathy towards Titus either. He's more amusing than most of the posters here, and this blog would be far duller without his commentary. Some of his postings are a bit repetitive, like so many others, but when hits one out of the park waay more often than many others.

I agree with reader: this ganging up on one poster is very unseemly. Perhaps to be fair, the Professor should start threads: Why don't you like Palladian? Why don't you like Simon? What pisses you off about MadisonMan?

titus spreads very good karma through this blog, like rich, deep fertilizer. Threads to which he contributes are always more interesting.

Everyone give him a Dating Game kiss right now: Mmmwah!

Henry said...

Althouse wrote: "I should make a CD of me reading Titus comments."

Will you read them in a high squeaky voice or a deep mock-serious voice?

For a fund raiser, how about an auction where other commenters buy up Titus's comments and delete them in advance?

Henry said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Henry said...

MadisonMan, you're a mensch.

I don't really mind Titus's comments but for their quantity.

Darcy said...

I agree with reader: this ganging up on one poster is very unseemly

Althouse set that up, and I don't blame commenters at all for voicing their opinion of this idea for a fundraiser. What was the posting for, then?

Smilin' Jack said...

Titus makes some amusing comments, but they could all be read in 5 minutes. A CD? Srsly?

I'm glad Titus is here, though, because it gives those of us who don't know any gay men a chance to find out what they're really like--without the risk of catching anything.

Slave Laborer George #3W7D said...

Professsssoor...

What you need to do is charge money for access to your website, vide this oped in today's Wall St. J....

"People are happy to pay for news and information however it's delivered, but only if it has real, differentiated value.....

"For years, publishers and editors have asked the wrong question: Will people pay to access my newspaper content on the Web? The right question is: What kind of journalism can my staff produce that is different and valuable enough that people will pay for it online?

"The right information in today's complex economy and society can make a huge difference in our professional and personal lives. Not having this information can also make a big difference, especially if someone else does have it. And for valuable information, online is a great new way for it to be valued."

Seeking donations for an antique technology (CDs) for a highly divisive contributor will not generate a steady revenue stream. The question is what is the right price point for your content.

TitusFreezeFrame said...

I can't get enough of Palladian's audio of my comments. Every time I listen I laugh my ass off.

The Madonna's Music song adds another element of brillance to the effort.

dmfoiemjsof said...

Please do it Althouse. I would buy the CD for sure. I think Titus is funny and interesting, and I want to support the blog.

blake said...

What pisses you off about MadisonMan?

He's just so gosh-darn nice! I hate that!

Simon said...

Slave Laborer George #3W7D (quoting the WSJ) said...
"'For years, publishers and editors have asked the wrong question: Will people pay to access my newspaper content on the Web? The right question is: What kind of journalism can my staff produce that is different and valuable enough that people will pay for it online?'"

The answer to both questions is "people won't pay to access your content on the web," as the New York Times discovered.

Simon said...

Plus, if you ask people to pay for your content, you effectively exclude your content from the blogosphere, because even if a blogger pays your fee, their readers won't, and they'll feel less able to write about your content. Here's the bottom line about making money online: advertising doesn't work, and pay-for-access doesn't work. Do it for the love of it or think of something else.

Theo Boehm said...

The problem is that unless there is some way to "monitize" web content, all this wonderful, nearly free infrastructure will not be here much longer. The Amazons of the world make money with the web as a tool. But, as content providers have found, whether you're the NYT, or Apple, or some blogger with a lightbulb above his head, getting paid for your work on the web is damned hard. Except somebody's going to have to pay for it eventually. That is, if we want to get professionally-prepared news, or music that isn't total garbage.

But George is right about the CD idea: It's very klunky and old-fashioned. Nobody buys CDs. You have to go the online commerce route to sell recorded content. And the market for the spoken word is inconsequential compared to music, which as we know is bad enough. There is as a result very little incentive for most of the commercial distribution outlets to support oddball things such as Titus' loaf descriptions, when it's hard enough to make money on audio books.

I have no doubt that web content will be monitized, somehow, someday; but, for the moment, both Simon and Johnson are right: Those of us who write on the web are, by definition, blockheads.

Slave Laborer George #3W7D said...

Simon--

I agree with you. It's a risk.

But we're going to start seeing fees and roadblocks and taxes and surcharges for all sorts of stuff. Cuz of the economy.

Traditionally, the more arcane the information the more one can charge.

Platt's Oilgram...$3,295 a year..."fast-breaking global petroleum and gas news to your desktop every business day. Its correspondents around the world report on supply and demand trends, corporate news, government actions, exploration, technology and more."

What's quirk worth? $1 a month? A mere three cents a day! Talk about cheap Depression-era entertainment. Keeps the unemployed off the streets.

The real question is when do we get paid? The music plays the band. We're the value-added.

Beau said...

Now I feel a virtual group hug coming on. Don't you?

If it involves a rare Clumber, I'm in. Makes a nice change from the not so rare long-haired daschies.

Theo Boehm said...

So...Is someone going to pay for "fast-breaking Titus morning loaf news to your desktop?"  Or maybe "up-to-the-minute reports from under the fridge with blogging cockroach."  How about, "get those amusing bon mots by the wonderful Bissage right on your desktop every morning?"

How much would you charge? $1/day? Why not do a Steve Jobs, and go for $.99 a joke?

The real question is not when do we get paid.  It's do we, or anyone else, ever get paid at all?  So far the answer's a built-in "no."

Good writers can always make money, like anyone who is, in fact, good at something.  The rest of the self-proclaimed value-adders may not be adding that much value.  The way the internet and technology is structured, modern writers are worse off, in general, than those starving poets and scribblers in garrets on Grub Street in Hogarthian London.

That was a bad patch, too.  Printing was cheap, entry easy, the reading public small and fickle, and the supply of prospective authors inexhaustible.  Addison may have made the equivalent of $150,000-$300,000 a year with his Spectator, but the average paper at the time made its proprietor something like $20,000 per year, and that if it was successful.  Some made a few Pounds, the equivalent of $3 or 4k, and closed up in a few months. Most made nothing.

Sound familiar?

Now we have even cheaper virtual printing, the easiest entry possible, a fickle and not very broad reading public, and an infinite supply of authors.

Aside from breeches and periwigs, the only things we're lacking today are gaols, disease-ridden garrets, and gallows, which did help thin the ranks of scribblers.  Kept the unemployed off the streets.  Permanently.

So, maybe Quirk e-marketing has some modern final solution to the author question.  But until the ranks are thinned, or electrons become scarce, I'm not looking for anything much better than Goldsmith shivering in a bedsheet, because he pawned his clothes to pay a debt, and the landlady's banging at the door.

Chet said...

Maxine, on her worst day, can blow Titus right out of the water.

If Palladian was forced to choose.....he'd take Maxine in a heartbeat.

Trooper York said...
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Trooper York said...
This comment has been removed by the author.