November 16, 2008

Let's mix up that cocktail we call a Sarah Palin.

So remember when -- it was only last post -- I challenged you to find old posts of mine that would seem most explicable on theory that I wrote them drunk. It was because of something Ron said, not because I ever was.

Palladian said:
How about any of the ones where you explain your decision to vote for Obama?
Ron said:
If I'm going to say "Althouse, you're drunk/high/Voting for Obama/obsessed with squirrels!" I'd have to have more direct evidence than blog posts! Maybe a vlog...
Yeah, I know the vlog that the whole internet thinks shows me drunk. Apparently, it's easy to look drunk on video. Just hold a glass of wine, laugh, and say something frivolous.
... I get philosophic and morose when drunk, so I'm no fun there...

But if you announce getting drunk first and then say at time X, you'll be blogging, I bet you get Sarah Palin-like Sitemeter push!

Let's make a cocktail for you to drink first...a "Sarah Palin." On the rocks! (ice, don't ya know!)
Bissage then said something that made me say, "Some people when drunk are said to get 'tight.' Bissage, I'd say, gets Titus-y." And if you know what that means, you know why I'm not front-paging it.

But Palladian answered the call to mix up a Sarah Palin:
What would a Sarah Palin cocktail be?

1 oz Stolichnaya (because you can see Russia from her house)

1 oz Southern Comfort (to assuage the "base")

1/2 oz Jägermeister (for both the elk's blood rumor and the label)



1/2 oz Bénédictine (for that religious flavor)

dash of Vietnamese fish sauce (a nod to Alaska's fishing industry)

pour over a large quantity of ice and shake until very cold. Empty contents into a very, very expensive Baccarat crystal glass purchased with funds from the RNC. Run a MAC-brand lipstick, color "Verve", around the rim of the glass. Sling contents into the face of the first reporter you can find. Sell glass and donate proceeds to charity.

Ha ha. I'm not putting fish sauce in a drink! But, cheers!

42 comments:

blake said...

I, apparently, can't take a photo without appearing drunk.

What happens is the flash goes off and I my eyes start to close. So in every picture I'm looking out through half-lidded eyes.

I don't drink, but I do blink.

Jennifer said...

After drinking a Palin brood's worth of those, I think I'd need me some rimless glasses just to see straight.

jdeeripper said...

Any mention of Sarah Palin increases site traffic and blogger comments.

Drunken monkeys and lemurs .

It's in our genes.

Sarah Palin hot jeans drunken monkey sex.

^^^ I dare you to rename this blog post.

Ron said...

I mentioned no fish sauce also, further down!

[Hitchens-sounding voice]
Surely, Professor Althouse, you must know that appearing drunk on a vlog, wine glass in hand, is exactly what Artist Althouse would do, igniting the Left better than a firestorm over Dresden, complete with the Big Reveal of the Welch Grape Juice can that you'd been filling your glass with at the end of the vlog! A giant Performance Fish Slap to the Kisser as it were.

Then, after that, they would pin a Scarlett 'V' upon you, casting you out as a Vlog-tease, misogyny, sexism and bile alternating layers of their Hate Sandwich, until you could use the iconography of Hope and Change to still them or reveal them for the TravaShamMockeries that they are. This frisson of power over the mentally and verbally incontinent, would win back many of the disaffected....
[/Hitchens voice]

Ron said...

First Pitcher O' Palins is on me, my Cogitatin', Commentatin' Boogie Children!

Darcy said...

That was hilarious, Ron!

And Sarah needs a more feminine drink (with a strong kicker)named after her. That one is funny, but disgusting. :)

Jennifer said...

Darcy, I would like to believe Sarah Palin is a jack and coke girl. Like yours truly. But, I have to admit that she is probably just a straight whiskey woman. Though she undoubtably sips it femininely.

Jennifer said...

Undoubtably? Yeesh. Make that undoubtedly. And cancel my next Palin Coke order.

Ron said...

Jack and coke? Good grief, she is a governor not Pink in a biker bar!

Jennifer said...

Pink in a biker bar!? Lol. I don't think a jack and coke could survive in a biker bar. Could Pink? I'm not sure.

Darcy said...

Well, yeah, I agree not a frilly drink, Jennifer. But this one was ghastly. LOL.

Terrence Berres said...

That Jägermeister label has me wondering if anyone know what "Legally Intoxicated" of the Law & Alcoholism blog has been doing since graduation from the UW Law School?

Terrence Berres said...

That Jägermeister label has me wondering if anyone knows what "Legally Intoxicated" of the Law & Alcoholism blog has been doing since graduation from the UW Law School?

Meade said...

Very very funny, all.
Esp. Palladian's recipe - excellent.
And "[Hitchens-sounding voice]"- comic genius.

EDH said...

Pink in a biker bar!? Lol. I don't think a jack and coke could survive in a biker bar. Could Pink? I'm not sure.

I think a Biker Bar would be Pink's element.

Ron said...

Well, spank my keister and call me Judy Garland! EDH, that's an on-cue find if there ever was one!

If get a couple o' Palins in Pink...I'd vlog that!

EDH said...

Notice, too, the Governor's Ball chapter of Pink's book @2:00.

John Althouse Cohen said...

No, this is a Sarah Palin: "Put some white Russians on the other side of a window. Close enough to see but not close enough to know anything about how they actually taste."

Paddy O. said...

"a Sarah Palin"

I can't imagine she would be anything that pretentious.

Bud Light, Coors, Wild Turkey mixed, then poured in a red plastic cup full of ice.

dbp said...

"Ha ha. I'm not putting fish sauce in a drink! But, cheers!"

Consider the Bloody Mary; it is a well-respected drink and often has Worcestershire sauce in it. That is a fish sauce since it has fish in it.

And don't get me started on Clamato. I would never use that foul stuff, but it is a common cocktail base.

Cedarford said...

Give Palladian credit for orginality.
Another cute thing for Goddess Palin, before she becomes yesterday's bad news.

Now for the Main Event -

The Obama drink.

Alcohol-free Turkish coffee, made with organic Indonesian "rain forest safe" beans. Flavored with Arab mint. Sweetened with subsidized Hawaiian or Louisianan sugar.

The Michelle Obama drink -

No recipe.

Just what she angrily demands Barack hop to, and serve, on her request.

Then the question of Dubya - if anyone deserves to go off the wagon and tie a bender on, it's him.
It's not like anyone is going to call seeking his wise counsel anytime soon. Hole up at the ranch, sock in 4 cases of Lone Star beer, 2 bottles of tequila, 2 bottles of ABC discount whiskey. Lots of limes and 7-Up. See how long it lasts.

Meade said...

The sobering fact is GW Bush had a drinking problem and solved it by never drinking again. No rehab, no drama, he just quit by using his inner strength. Very few alcoholics can do what he did.

Now nicotine, that's even tougher and a monkey Obama is not likely to ever get off his back, especially now that he's prez.

Big Mike said...

Question to Ann and Palladian both. Did Sarah Palin ever really say that she could see Russia from her house? That was Tina Fey on SNL, wasn't it?

Alaska does border two foreign countries and it is the only state that does (unless you want to count California as a foreign country, in which case Arizona also qualifies). One of those countries really is Russia. It is the only state whose capital cannot be reached by road from any other city in the state. And fishing in the Bering Sea, which she and Todd have both done, has the highest fatality rate of any occupation in America. It's a very different place from anywhere else, and it produced a very different kind of governor. I like her. You can teach someone about Hamas and Hezbollah and how a Georgian differs from a Russian, but you can't teach leadership and common sense. The further she gets away from the McCain handlers the more I like her.

Pastafarian said...

Palladian's suggested mix is certainly on-point, in the sense that all of the ingredients have a literal justification for inclusion; but I doubt the drinkability of something that includes Southern Comfort, Jager, and fish sauce. It sounds to me like a good concoction to use to induce vomiting.

I would think that it would be better to attempt something that would capture Palin's essence in a somewhat less literal way -- make it sweet and effervescent, for example -- so that we end up with something a little more drinkable.

That will give us something with which to toast her inauguration in 2012.

I do like the inclusion of Benedictine, though. I'll try to come up with something. I might be experimenting for a while.

Meade said...

I like her too, Big Mike -- as Governor of Alaska.

In my opinion, she disqualified herself from the presidency when she said yes to John McCain.
Fatal judgements by each of them.

Truth is both Obama and Palin are Affirmative Action candidates and neither would've been chosen without their respective preferred class statuses. That should embarrass the people who chose them.

Pastafarian said...

OK, here's my attempt:

I thought I'd try to combine vanilla ice cream (for that Alaska look), Benedictine (for Palladian's reason, but also because it's really good with ice cream), creme de cacao (for sweetness), light cream, Canadian whisky (seems more Alaska and more Palin than expensive Russian vodka), and a less-than-polished presentation, for something more drinkable but at the same time vaguely Palinesque:

Ingedients:

1 scoop vanilla ice cream (pref. Breyer's with vanilla beans)

2 oz light cream

1 oz Benedictine

1 oz creme de cacao

1 oz Canadian whisky

Ice cubes

Put scoop of ice cream into small Mason jar and place in freezer for about an hour.

Combine ice, whisky, creme de cacao, and Benedictine in shaker; shake and strain into glass with light cream. Stir with swizzle stick and pour into jar over ice cream. Serve with straw.

Palladian said...

"The Obama drink.

Alcohol-free Turkish coffee, made with organic Indonesian "rain forest safe" beans. Flavored with Arab mint. Sweetened with subsidized Hawaiian or Louisianan sugar."


You failed to include the serving instructions:

Pour all ingredients in a hip Alessi cup and saucer, announce to the patrons of the bar that it's the best cocktail that's ever existed and that it will change the way they drink and the way they think about drinking. Serve. The drinker should then take a sip, smile and say: "Yes, this is a different kind of cocktail! Everyone should order one right away, regardless of your personal tastes! In fact, people who claim to dislike the ingredients should be the first to buy one! You'll love it!"

Then, when no one is looking, pour the drink on the floor and fill the cup with arak and drink in secret, like most Muslims.

A variation on the Barack Obama involves pretending to make a "Barack Obama" but instead making a White Russian, putting it in the hip Alessi cup and following the rest of the instructions for a "Barack Obama". This drink is called a "Bradley Effect". Supposedly popular, no one has actually every been able to prove that someone has ever made one.


"Question to Ann and Palladian both. Did Sarah Palin ever really say that she could see Russia from her house? That was Tina Fey on SNL, wasn't it?"

Yes, of course. Althouse was one of the few who blogged about the confusion. But of course half of the crap that people believe about Sarah Palin is made up and false, so I included it as part of the joke.


"I would think that it would be better to attempt something that would capture Palin's essence in a somewhat less literal way -- make it sweet and effervescent, for example -- so that we end up with something a little more drinkable."

You didn't read the serving instructions. The "Sarah Palin" is not for drinking.

EDH said...

And don't get me started on Clamato. I would never use that foul stuff, but it is a common cocktail base.

Homer [Simpson]: Now what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?

Vendor: Mountain Dew or crab juice.

Homer: Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I'll take a crab juice...

Theo Boehm said...

I disagree a bit, Meade. She was immediately spotted by conservatives and Republican activists when she ran for Governor. She has been talked about as a potential rising star in the Republican party for the past couple of years. I'm not a Republican, but I read a lot of political comment, and I was aware of her a year and a half ago.

That said, for her to have been put on a national ticket this early in her career may have been a fatal error as far as her further ambitions go. She has been defined by her opponents, mostly with outrageous lies, and despite her current efforts, it will be hard to live them down.

She may very well be a classic case of peaking too soon.

Gawd, that was boring. Sorry, I was a sommelier and never a bartender.

Ron said...

Doesn't an Olbermann start with clam juice? With a slice of durian on the side...for "the whiff."

No, wait, that last part is for a Dan Patrick!

Ron said...

sommelier? Hey, is my '61 Mouton-Rothschild still drinkable, or, what the hell, down the drain with it?

Darcy said...

That drink sounds delicious, Pastafarian!

Also enjoyed the comment by Meade and the response by Theo Boehme.

I think Sarah will surprise us yet again.

Pastafarian said...

Speaking of vodka: A couple of years ago my sister bought me a bottle of vodka that was flavored with cannabis. At least that's the claim on the label. I have no idea how she secured such a thing.

And that stuff is just about the best vodka I've ever tried.

Of course, after a few Sarah Palins, anything is pretty good. But I might have to include that cannabis vodka in the Barack Obama; it seems apt, for some reason.

Darcy said...

Haha, Palladian. I see now that the drink wasn't supposed to be consumed. Well done.

Pogo would have told me to turn in my pencil.

Theo Boehm said...

Ron, your '61 Mouton-Rothchild should still be drinkable, but, frankly, if you have a bottle, you should sell it and pay off your mortgage.

Theo Boehm said...

And if you have a case, you can sell that, and buy all of General Motors in a month or two.

Theo Boehm said...

'59 was a better year. I once had about a third of a bottle. One of the peak experiences of my life.

Pastafarian said...

Here's my attempt at a Barack Obama:

Ingredients:

2 oz Kenyan AA coffee, double-strength, cooled

1 oz Bailey's Irish Cream

1 oz Rushkinoff canabis-flavored vodka (product of Mallorca)

4 whole cloves

Dash Angostura bitters

Ice cubes

Shaved ice

Orange peel

Combine coffee, bitters, cloves, vodka, and ice cubes in shaker; shake and strain into glass with Bailey's, taking care that no cloves leave shaker. Stir and pour over shaved ice in martini glass; garnish with orange peel.

Ralph said...

You forgot the Wink (citrus soda).
I had some on my peppermint ice cream last night because I was out of ginger ale. Surprisingly good.

kynefski said...

I don't have any of the ingredients at hand, but I'd be willing to try it. And I'd include the fish sauce for that, um, evocation...

knox said...

Doesn't an Olbermann start with clam juice?

Sounds about right to me. Garnish with a phlegm globber.

So glad Olbermann is finally getting his due in the media. First the SNL spoof, and now the latest issue of EW just described his show as "unchecked bloviating."

Big Mike said...

Meade, I think you're right, and for the reasons Theo listed. I don't think she was ready, I think there were other people John McCain could have called on, and should have. Or he should have decided on her much sooner and gotten her briefed up. Hard to blame her for not going for it when the opportunity presented, but it didn't work.

And, as I've said elsewhere, her position on abortion (she doesn't believe in it even in case of rape) is every bit as extreme as Barack Obama's position (he believes in leaving a child born during a failed attempt at abortion to die), which doesn't help her (though it doesn't seem to have hurt him -- are we reverting to Roman law?). Plus, her good looks and handsome, very masculine, hubby inspire raw rage on the part of too many female voters.

Kind of sad, though, that we'd pile on with silly posts about a Sarah Palin cocktail. But politics is a rough sport.