May 20, 2008

The "American Idol" finale: The Clash of the Davids.

Please keep me company!

ADDED: Someone other than Ryan Seacrest is saying "This is American Idol." I don't like that. I suppose it's someone famous, but I don't know who he is, and even if he's famous, he should not horn in on Ryan's territory. The Davids are introduced as if they were boxers, and DA is called "David 'Baby Face' Archuleta." Ah, here's Seacrest. That's better. Seacrest is calling them "Big David and Little David."

MORE: The ancient artifact Clive Davis made great choices. "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" for David Cook, and "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" for David Archuleta. I much preferred Cook, but the judges preferred Archuleta.

AND: Oh, no, they have to pick from the songs that people wrote for the show. I expect the songs to be utter crap. Cook does a song that is about "dreaming" and having "faith" in yourself — like every damned song that has ever been written for the show. Ryan tells him he was "singing your face off." Paula babbles. Simon sighs.

AND: David Archuleta is singing an idiotic song about "this moment" — an obvious attempt at recapturing the magic — feeble as it was — of the original "Moment Like This" that Kelly Clarkson sang in Season 1, so very long ago. It's funny that it has the line "Open your eyes and you'll see," when there's been such a big issue all season about Archuleta singing with his eyes closed. And now, here he is, singing it with his eyes closed. The judges are saying it's a bad song, but they take no responsibility for the horror of all these bad finale songs season after season.

AND: Finally, they can pick their own songs. David Cook is singing a song he's never done before, "The World I Know," by Collective Soul. Archuleta is doing "Imagine," which he's already done on the show — and which is also, obviously, a much more familiar song. Even before they start to sing, it seems determined: David Archuleta will win.

AND: Paula tells DC he's "standing in [his] truth." Simon tells him he made the wrong song choice. He should have sung "Billie Jean" or "Hello" — that is, one of the 2 best songs he's already done on the show. When he finished singing, Cook's eyes were all red. He cried. Does he perhaps not want to win? To use the boxing metaphors they are foisting on us: Is he taking a dive? It was my analysis this morning that it was not in Cook's interest to win. Winning would fit Archuleta's life so much better.

AND: Beautiful little David thrills us with "Imagine." Randy yells that DA is the best. Paula doesn't state that he's the best. But he's "stunning." Simon "You came out here tonight to win. And what we have witnessed is a knockout." So all is right in the world. Join hands. David Archuleta has won. And the world will be as one.

IN THE COMMENTS: I've corrected it now, but originally I typo'd the homophone "one" for "won" in the sentence, just above, "David Archuleta has won." Jokes are cracked.

35 comments:

joewxman said...

lets get the ball rolling...that open was terrible. 100 on the cornball scale.

joewxman said...

that guy does lottery commericals among other things.

joewxman said...

winning is about trusting your instincts...oh brother. Jim Lampley has donen't anything noteworthy as a sportscaster for years so he shows up on A.I. Must need food money.

Jim said...

David A. in a boxing motif? Is it wrong that my first thought was about that Chapelle skit? Friday night sissy fights?

joewxman said...

Paula most have taken her meds tonight because she is actually putting together complete sentences...noun verb noun. Liked DC. Did a good job with his first song. DA is singing Elton John.

EnigmatiCore said...

You no like Michael Buffer?

They messed it up by having him do Seacrest's line. He should have done his own catchphrase, and let Seacrest do his own later.

Rick Lee said...

The opening was cringe-worthy. I'm so sick of the "Let's get ready to rumble" guy". Music is good so far.

joewxman said...

D A may have made a serious tactical error by picking a song he has already done before. This could backfire.

TitusAllTheLeavesAreBrown said...

David Cook singing that Collective Soul song should make him win.

Jim said...

David A. left Paula speechless.

That doesn't strike me as difficult.

joewxman said...

ugh!...glad its over. Now over to Dancing With The Stars.

Palladian said...

"David Archuleta has one."

He does? You'd never know it from his limp-wristed warbling. Perhaps a very small one.

Palladian said...

"David A. left Paula speechless."

It was either him or the benzodiazepines.

EnigmatiCore said...

"David Archuleta has one."

But Cook has a pair.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

I have liked when Cook has changed up a song better than the original each time this season, until tonight. I liked his performance, but preferred Soul Collection's original.

Palladian said...

Dammit, Althouse, you screwed up my elegant joke!

Ann Althouse said...

Palladian said..."'David Archuleta has one.' He does? You'd never know it from his limp-wristed warbling. Perhaps a very small."

Arrrghhh. Corrected. I knew I set that up!

Fritz said...

Annie,
DA is it. You know I say that with true affection.

TitusAllTheLeavesAreBrown said...

Dancing With The Stars-Jason Taylor-yum, would love to do him.

John K. said...

When it comes down to it, music isn't about winning and knocking out the competition. Therein lies the most fundamental flaw at the cornball heart of American Idol.

That is what Cook said at the very beginning, that as far as he was concerned, the competition was over, and he was there to have fun. I have to admit that when Cook started to sing his final song, I thought the same thing that Simon said after the performance -- that the song wasn't the best choice for that moment in the competition. Cook could have come out with something that really rocked, that would have left a more obvious and memorable impression. I have to assume that the song he chose meant a lot to him. Good for him for choosing his art over the artificial demands of what is ultimately a very stupid TV show. No matter who "America" chooses, Cook has been and is the better performing artist.

Joan said...

Titus, no one is California dreamin' in mid-May! That's only good from about November through February. I expect more from you.

I'm so glad I skipped AI this year. I've seen some of the performances on YouTube, and haven't missed the show one bit. I hate "Imagine." Even if I could get past the insipid lyric, musically, it's just not that interesting.

wgh said...

I thought Cook did a great job with his last song. But Arch definitely "wanted" it more. You can almost see desperation in his eyes?

TitusAllTheLeavesAreBrown said...

Sorry Joan-just like the song.

Althouse, I would definitely like to keep you company if you know what I mean.

Fabulous dinner, drinks, designer clothes, expensive shoes, you having a fierce clutch, me exposing my biceps.

Afterwards, latte art latte and some special fancy orange scones.

And then a walk along the lake as we look at the waves glistening along each others glowing faces.

SteveR said...

DA sings Imagine, and I imagine he has no idea what its about, other than his dad told him not to sing the verse about no heaven. At least at this point Dial Idol has Cook ahead. The boxing motiff was incredibly lame, "don't use yourself up in the first round"? Why the hell not? Its a damn song, you can recover for round two in 10minutes, I'm pretty sure

newduck said...

Hey! I just ran into you in the aisle at Whole Foods. Weird. Anyway, I blog anonymously so I didn't want to mention it in front of my father, but here's my blog address if you're interested:
http://onenewduck.blogspot.com/

Ann Althouse said...

Newduck -- cool. Thanks.

Jennifer said...

This has to be the first year that I have not cared who wins.

I hated David Cook with a passion for most of the season, but somehow in the last little bit he's stealth grown on me. I loved David Archuleta for a lot of the season but I no longer want to put him in my pocket.

Anyone else feel like Archuleta sang that entire second song with Dad in mind? No one can take this away from me! Blah blah my own decision something something!

Palladian said...

Archuleta has cock sucking lips, according to a friend of mine. He'll be legal in a year. I wonder how long till the gay sex, booze and drug meltdown? I'm thinking a big hit with Sylvia Plath's "Lady Lazarus" set to a pop beat...

I am your opus,
I am your valuable,
The pure gold baby...


Or maybe, given his "Gypsy"esque father, "Daddy"...

Kurt said...

I'd have to agree with you Jennifer. I didn't care for David Cook at first, but liked him more as the season went on. And while I'll readily concede that David Archuleta is extremely talented and has a great voice, he just seemed to become a little boring and predictable, in my book. I don't really care who wins, either. Though this isn't the first season I felt that way. I think the more interesting question this year would be, "for which of these two would winning American Idol be a greater liability than coming in second?"

PatCA said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PatCA said...

David Cook is the more interesting of the two, but little David has that quality voters like.

I dunno, Cook seemed more popular with the audience, maybe people will vote him in and cause a ruckus. I would like to hear David Cook sing some Chris Mathews...

Yuck on the extended boxing motif.

Michael_H said...

DC's performances were quite a bit better than the judges' comments would suggest. Are they trying to fix the contest so DA wins?

DialIdol.com indicated that DC has enough delegates to win the nomination. I hope so, although it would be interesting to see if DA's career arc turns out to be in any way similar to MaCauly Caulkin's, since both have overbearing fathers.

Nigel Lythgoe and Simon Fuller, AI's producers, have announced several similar programs for next television season.

My favorites are:

So You Think You're A Surgeon

and

America's Next Porn Star.

Pogo said...

I always thought "Don't Let your Son Go Down on Me" was a Michael Jackson tune.

TitusAllTheLeavesAreBrown said...

"cock sucking lips"


That's vulgar Palladian.

PatCA said...

It is vulgar, Palladian, I'm surprised at you! And so is believing all the "friend of a friend" stories about who they absolutely know is gay in Hollywood (everybody).

Joe said...

Alas, America's Next Porn Star has been done. (I had that idea and then discovered some adult cable channel had done it.)

* * *

My own gut feeling is that producers want Archuleta to win and will try to fix the vote as they clearly have in the past. Based on Dial Idol, I'm not sure they'll succeed. I suspect Cook has one every week since about week three or four. I believe the reason is simple: David Archuleta is extremely irritating in just about every way possible.

And am I the only one who finds Archuleta's version of Imagine absolutely horrible? Last night's version was especially bad. In all seriousness, had any other contestant hacked up a song like that, the judges would have been brutal.