December 3, 2007

"You’ll learn lip-o-suction, the music kiss, the Trobriand Islands kiss, and many more."

Kissing lessons. Only $155.
• You’ll master the counterkiss, one of the most important kissing skills.
• You’ll learn to kiss for the sake of kissing.
• You’ll enjoy kissing more....
The counterkiss.... You wouldn't want to fail to retaliate.
Keep in mind that this is a great gift for teens. Parents can order the lesson for a child who they want to learn how to kiss.
Uh, thanks, Mom.
Or it is a great gift to give your significant other.
It says so much.
Imagine being able to boast to your friends that you completed a kissing course with the world’s leading authority on kissing, author of The Art of Kissing. People will be lining up to kiss you! And ultimately the kissing lesson is more entertaining that a night at the theater.
People will be lining up to kiss you... That's just scary.
Q. Does the kissing doctor come to my home or must I go to his office?

A. No house calls. Lessons are only available in his office...
FYI, he's in Jersey City.

No, I wasn't looking for kissing lessons. And I'm really not looking for kissing lessons now. I was just reading CNN.

33 comments:

Ruth Anne Adams said...

You must remember this...

Terrence Berres said...

One of these days, Alice...

Meade said...

"You must remember this..."

moNO

nucleo

SIS...

Pogo said...

U don’t have 2 be rich
2 be my girl
U don’t have 2 be cool
2 rule my world
Ain’t no particular sign I’m more compatible with
I just want your extra time and your

Kiss

Pogo said...

Oregon version:

U don’t have 2 be wed
2 fill my egg
but U better be rich
2 be the dad
It's the dollar sign I’m most compatible with
I just want your extra sperm and your

Cash

JohnAnnArbor said...

Proves that people will study anything to death.

rhhardin said...

The missionary kiss.

downtownlad said...

Can we see a picture of this kissing teacher? If he looks like Brad Pitt, sign me up.

Eli Blake said...

Do they teach you how to tell if a hickey is real or artificially created with a vacuum cleaner?

I know that the woman I married (were she single still) would be less likely to go out with a guy who had purchased this product.

Mainly because she would wonder about how he could waste $155 on something so stupid.

John said...

I love the Google. The Trobriand Islands kiss involves bitting lips.

I thought that was known as the "brace face".

Ron said...

What do they say if you fail the kissing course? You suck? or...you don't?

Ron said...

If you pass the kissing course, can it go on the CV or do you have to 'publish' first? (whatever that means!)

Trooper York said...

The advanced placement course involves felching rare clumbers. Allegedly.

Hector Owen said...

According to this 2004 Salon article, The professor of smoochology: How a nebbishy ex-academic who keeps changing his name wound up traveling around the country convincing total strangers to kiss onstage, he practiced law, briefly.

jeff said...

"Q. What will I learn in the kissing lesson?
• Women will learn how to please guys."

Yeah, that's rarely the problem. Just showing up pleases most of us.


"Q. Is there anything else I'll learn?
A. You'll also get a compatibility analysis based on your birth order (the number of siblings you grew up with)"

Uh....what?

Ron said...

Later courses instruct you in what to kiss and when. Thus an MBA program was born! (originally misspelled 'pogrom'! Yikes!)

Ron said...

Yeah, that's rarely the problem. Just showing up pleases most of us.

Ah, with my ex, it's her leaving that pleases me, so I can say "Kiss this."

Meade said...

"The advanced placement course involves felching rare clumbers. Allegedly."

Felching - whatever that is - sounds to us like highly unusual unusual attention. Sets our clumberdar off. Allegedly. But hey, allegedly works. Roll the presses.

Trooper York said...

Hector Owen said...
According to this 2004 Salon article, The professor of smoochology: How a nebbishy ex-academic who keeps changing his name wound up traveling around the country convincing total strangers to kiss onstage, he practiced law, briefly

Mort strikes again!!!!!

Meade said...

Practicing law in his briefs? Unusual strategy. Wonder what led to his career change.

Gully said...

Remember kissing booths?

ricpic said...

Kissing necks and earlobes is effective, and doesn't take much in the way of technique.

Trooper York said...

Bianca: I'm a maid who wouldst marry.
Hortensio: Any Tom?
Lucentio: Dick?
Gremio: Or Harry?
Bianca: Any Harry, Tom, or Dick!
Hortensio: Just not a Moby.
(Kiss Me Kate 1953)

Palladian said...

"Felching - whatever that is "

The best thing to do when you don't know the meaning of a word- especially if it's a sexual practice or a kind of cyst or tumor, is to do a Google Image Search.

reader_iam said...

I do not believe I could take this course with a straight face. Especially in a group situation.

Paco Wové said...

"...do a Google Image Search.

Cruel, Palladian. Cruel.

Paco Wové said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
EnigmatiCore said...

They don't call Palladian "Dirty Sanchez" for nothing.

Jennifer said...

You'd think taking lessons from a nerd would suck all the sexy out of kissing, but somehow lip-o-suction manages to lower the bar even more. Wow.

Johnny Ong said...

there must be a long queue for this course right outside their building or wherever the course was held

JohnTaylor88 said...

Mort strikes again!!!!!

You might want to keep to the lyrics-citing schtick. You're more entertaining that way.

Sean Kinsell said...

downtownlad:
"Can we see a picture of this kissing teacher? If he looks like Brad Pitt, sign me up."

Brad Pitt is your type, downtownlad? Wow. I would never have pictured that. I'd always kind of figured you for...I don't know, maybe a Johnny Depp man.

MadisonMan said...

Uh, thanks, Mom.

The course is for couples only. I'm curious how a Mom could give the course as a gift to a child :)