October 11, 2007

"And another thing - the crotch, down where your nuts hang - is always a little too tight..."

"... so when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there, uh because they cut me, it's just like riding a wire fence. These are almost, these are the best I've had anywhere in the United States..."

Oh, my Lord! It's LBJ, on the phone, ordering pants!
But, uh when I gain a little weight they cut me under there. So, leave me , you never do have much of margin there. See if you can't leave me an inch from where the zipper (burps) ends, round, under my, back to my bunghole, so I can let it out there if I need to.
When you're done laughing, listen to the audio version, and re-experience the mirth.

ADDED: This is hilarious, but when you finally get past the laughter, you may notice the serious side of it. What is Lyndon Johnson doing here — besides ordering pants? Why is the President of the United States getting his clothing this way, with a phone call, describing what he wants in this kind of detail, but without any measurements? Does he even want the pants, which he extols as the best pants ever but seems also to hate for numerous reasons? Why is he going on about his body parts and burping loudly without excusing himself? He's humiliating the man on the other end of the line who is forced to respond in the most servile way. I think this is a species of phone sex — perverted phone sex.

85 comments:

rhhardin said...

Doris Kearnes Goodwin reports that if you were talking to LBJ and he went into the john, you were expected to follow.

Stephen said...

Ann, out here on the West Coast we're just sitting down to our toast and coffee. The image of LBJ with his hanging fruit mentally morphed into the photo of him showing his abdominal scar and finally (fortunately I've never seen a picture of that)the interview he gave while seated on a toilet. Suddenly I've lost my appetite.

Ann Althouse said...

I was already laughing and thought it couldn't get funnier, then got to the world "bunghole" and nearly choked.

Barry said...

Texans are always bragging about their balls, but when he said to make three pair of pants the "light brown kind of a almost powder color like a powder on a ladies face," I knew then that here was a man in touch with his softer side.

George said...

The historian Michael Beschloss produced several audiobooks in which he narrates excerpted secret recordings that LBJ made of himself and Martin Luther King, Jackie Kennedy, and others.

They are wild. Imagine Jed Clampett talking to Marilyn Monroe....

The most amazing conversation is LBJ and Dem. Sen. majority leader Russell in which they both admit to each other in 1964/65 that they have absolutely no idea what to do about VIetnam.

Christopher Drew said...

Great. Thanks a lot, Ann. Now I have coffee all over everything.

Bob said...

If he'd been a little more interested in passing his sartorial innovations on to the rest of us, we men could all be wearing LBJ 'Nadsack Levi's.

*laughs uproariously*

Jeff with one 'f' said...

At first glance I thought it was Hilary being quoted...

Trooper York said...
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rastajenk said...

Does that B stand for Bevis? "heh heh-heh-heh-heh...he said 'bunghole'"

Maxine Weiss said...

Dr. Helen needs better coat, than that get-up she wore yesterday. I liked her top, but the jacket ruined it. I recommend either Coach, London Fog (womens), or Burberry's Ladies Coats, in either light grey or taupe.

Anything but that jacket. A wrap would have been particularly nice. Dr. Helen, you're in New York, ....a dramatic wrap would wow 'em!

What's going on in terms of Althouse and coats ??? And, not black...I'm not enjoying Althouse in black. That color does absolutely nothing for her, with her coloring.

A red coat would be very dramatic, although shimmying through Bensonhurst, Bedford-Stuveysent etc...in a red coat might not go over well with the natives.

Navy, or dark brown, then.

Ann Althouse said...

I never wear red -- except red shoes sometimes. I can't have red anywhere near my face. It makes me invisible. Maxine, all your advice is suspect now. As for coats, it's too hot here for coats, but all my coats are black.

Maxine Weiss said...

Don't you dare get impertinent with me.

I'm a Color Specialist, and I've never been wrong about colors.

Jennifer said...

Maxine - You're recommending a Burberry coat to replace the uh...Burberry coat she's wearing?

Pastor_Jeff said...

Good thing he specified which crotch.

I'm struggling to think of a President who took more pleasure in trying to humiliate other people, often for no reason. Bush and Nixon are not even in this guy's league.

Trooper York said...
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SMGalbraith said...

Then there's the story of him being led to the Presidential helicopter for the first time.

An officer says to him, "Mr. President, this one [pointing to the helicopter among a group of aircraft] is yours".

"Son", LBJ replied, "they're all mine."

Another fascinating tape (and heartbreaking one) is of the phone calls he personally made to the parents of Schwerner, Cheney and Goodman after they were reported missing in Mississippi.

The parents reactions will make you weep.

SMG

Trooper York said...
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Dust Bunny Queen said...

Perhaps not a bright cherry red for Ann but I think a burgundy, claret red with plum undertones would be very complimentary. Winter tones slightly muted with grey.

Doncha just love all this personal advice... :-)

If nothing else, LBJ can't be accused of putting on hoity toity airs and losing touch with his....ahem.... roots.

Trooper York said...
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Roger said...

Re LBJ and the bathroom story retold above: Apparently LBJ was no fan of the Harvard Crowd JFK brought to Washington. He supposedly made McGeorge Bundy discuss an issue with LBJ while LBJ was on the toilet.

Trooper York said...
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former law student said...

This was back in the day when Arab Americans like the Haggars were not the enemy.

Ralph said...

I don't know the date of the clip, but weren't men's pants cut fairly tight in the legs in the early 60's? I've got a suit whose trousers were taken up a little too much in the crotch--he's right, it's uncomfortable, and I'm not John Holmes.

Ralph said...

Trooper, you had me going about Buchanan, until the last word.
It may once have been known as "Willard's", but now it's just "the Willard."

matthew said...

I remember hearing this years ago. It's been on the air before.

Of course by now everyone knows that LBJ slept with more women on accident than JFK did on purpose.

Ann Althouse said...

Dust Bunny Queen: Yes, I don't consider it true red anymore, once you've got it darkened or edged toward blue. I wear colors like that all the time. I have several scarves to use with the black coats.

Ron said...

Are you threatening me? I am the Great Society-ilio! I need TP for my bunghole! And some pants!

--Lyndon Bunghole Johnson.


huh-huh he said Johnson

ricpic said...

I don't get what the uproar is all about. The man wanted room for his boys to breath. Perfectly sensible. Would it have been better if he'd practiced idiot decorum and paid the price for it by being rubbed raw all day?

Bethany said...

I don't think it's a phone sex thing. That casually crude mode of talking between men is fairly common in some places and offense is rarely taken. (Not that I would advocate anyone speaking like that.)

"Bunghole" was awfully funny.

Kiley said...

“I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket.”

Attributed to LBJ, rightly or wrongly.

MadisonMan said...

perverted phone sex

Doubt it. He's describing -- colorfully, yes -- what he wants to another guy so that guy will understand. I don't see anything sexual in it at all.

The thing that struck me: his weight varied by 10-15 pounds a month!

Ron said...

Is it consoling to think that Nixon would have never belched like that?

Kiley said...

Oh, come on, people. LBJ's probably rolling over in his grave that some of you don't recognize what a controlling power freak he was. That was his thang, that was his political and personal life.

Upside, big picture: that's how he succeeded as a poor boy from the hard-scrabble Texas hill country. Upside for him and his only: that's also why corruption and personal bullying was a way of bidness and turn-on for him.

Kiley said...

Disclaimer- am only talking about LBJ and not about other Texans.

George said...

I s'pect he sayin' just about the same thing Fred Thompson would say.

It's not perverted...he's just a guy...and a country boy...trying to get some pants that fit....jeez..

Best dialogue....

JH: Fine, Now where would you like them sent please?

LBJ: White House.

Like, duh!

The whole thing is a laff riot. Mr. Haggar can't say "Yessah!" fast enough.

I also love the Presidential belch immediately before the 'bunghole' remark.

Kirk said...

Ann,

Your "added" makes no sense to me. Isn't it completely obvious that he's talking to a tailor that already made some slacks for him, but the crotch is too small, so he wants that part changed for the next ones? The tailor already has the measurements!

Roost on the Moon said...

re: "phone sex",

It is a kind of power trip, maybe tangentially sexual, but only in a way that many other things are. I hear it all the time at work. A certain kind of person just enjoys being a little rude while barking out orders.

rcocean said...

Most people I knew growing up despised LBJ. They only voted for him because Goldwater was a nut who would get us involved in some crazy war in Vietnam.

I think Dallek is trying to refurbish LBJ's reputation. Y'know, he gave his inflation, riots, budget deficits, Vietnam and thousands of deaths, cover-ups, Goldberg, and the credibility gap, but he was for Civil Rights so he was OK.

former law student said...

Yeah, Ann.
The Haggars made LBJ some pants on spec, merely guessing they would fit him. He liked them, but they didn't really fit that well. Now he's giving them feedback so they can make the next ones fit him.

Ralph said...

The thing that struck me: his weight varied by 10-15 pounds a month!
Hermaphrodite?

Didn't Wilson campaign on keeping us out of WWI, and then got a declaration of war a month after his inaugural?
It amazes me how the Kennedy crowd escaped blame for Vietnam.

Luckyoldson said...

Personally, and I'm sure this isn't surprising...I have mine cut left.

Luckyoldson said...

Trooper York said..."Then there was this guy who liked to stick cigars in his staff’s vaginas. I forget his name, but you can look it up."

And just when I was thinking better of you...you return to the standard wingnut trough...

But, considering Bush has helped stick about 3,800 Americans into caskets, I guess it isn't that big a deal.

Trooper York said...
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Trooper York said...
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Ralph said...

his staff’s vaginas
Speaking of hermaphrodites...or is this an oxymoron?
I thought you were making the point that LBJ has no monopoly on Presidential crudity.

What will some people do in 18 months when Bush is gone (I'm assuming he'll keep a low profile)?

Luckyoldson said...

Here's an interesting Magazine Cover I'm sure everybody will get a kick out of:

http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2007-10-11-Radaraimshighhitsit.jpg

M. Simon said...

Ann,

Too much sex. Not enough drugs.

Here is something with both:

Better Than Viagra

M. Simon said...

Lucky here is how you do proper links (your link didn't work):

Here is how you make permalinks:

<a href="url">text to display</a>

replace url with:
http://powerandcontrol.blogspot.com/2007/09/orthodoxy.html
leave the quote marks

replace text to display
with:
Orthodoxy

Orthodoxy

If you keep a cheat sheet (text file) up of your most commonly used forms (probably around 10 to 20) it is really easy.

M. Simon said...

I guess blogspot is big with half an "x".

Ralph said...

Who's off-camera behind Obama, getting ready to mount him? Edwards? Or the beautiful Mitt?

paul a'barge said...

I thought that all conversations between a man and his tailor were privileged.

I guess not.

Trooper York said...

Woodrow Wilson suffered with the curse of Priapus ever since he was an infant, which was the real reason for his private nickname of Woody.

Kiley said...

Your tailor is a very bad man...

Sparky said...

By extension, your blog post about this is its own form of blog sex -- perverted blog sex.

Luckyoldson said...

m. simon,
Thankzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

radar-aims-high

Trooper York said...
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Trooper York said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pogo said...

Trooper!!

Barry said...

These aren't too tight in the crotch for good Texans.

rcocean said...

"The government of the United States is a device for maintaining in perpetuity the rights of the people, with the ultimate extinction of all privileged classes."


"Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. It may not be difficult to store up in the mind a vast quantity of face within a comparatively short time, but the ability to form judgments requires the severe discipline of hard work and the tempering heat of experience and maturity."


"President Calvin Coolidge and his wife allegedly visited a poultry farm one day. During the tour, Mrs. Coolidge inquired of the farmer how his farm managed to produce so many eggs with such a small number of roosters. The farmer proudly explained that his roosters performed their duty dozens of times each day.

"Perhaps you could point that out to Mr. Coolidge," replied the First Lady in a pointedly loud voice.

The President, overhearing the remark, asked the farmer, "Does each rooster service the same hen each time?"

"No," replied the farmer, "there are many hens for each rooster."

"Perhaps you could point that out to Mrs. Coolidge," replied the President.

titus22 said...

This is old news girl. This was played on Howard Stern years ago.

Come on we want NOW!

Get with it. We want white hot, fierce, today not yesterday.

Now let's go.

How is everyone?

I think you are all fabulous.

I will be eating Thai in tonight while having a little drinky winky.

I hope to recite some of my poetry for some of you. It is dramatic, daring and outrageous. I hope you look forward to reading it as much as I look forward to peforming it for you.

How is everyone?

Ann Althouse said...

titus, I'm a big Howard Stern fan, but I haven't listened to everything. I ran across this in my email -- source unrevealed -- just yesterday. Why are you being mean to me? I thought we were going to go shopping, and I thought you were going to do your poetry reading a few days ago.

titus22 said...

Speaking of nuts which presidential candidate (and you can't say Hilary) has the best package?

Let's picture what each one of them might have down there. I bet some shave completely (Rudy); some manicure (definitely Mitt); some feather (Edwards); some our patriotic (Hunter); some are perky and happy (Huckabee;) some are huge (Thompson); some are tired (Paul); some our angry (tancredo); some our pointy (Biden) some our just a mass of gray hair with a little thimble popping out (Dodd); some are really excited (Kucinich); some our constantly praying (Brownback).

How would you describe each candidates package? What package do you like most? Out of all of the candidates who would you want to do least and who would want to do most (if you had to). Who is the best and who is the worst?

titus22 said...

I am not being mean to you. I am sorry I love you.

I just said I heard this awhile back.

Now I feel bad. I feel awful. I am very sorry.

I am going to leave to get my wine and I will be back.

Very very sorry. This is my outlet.

I regret, I feel sad, I feel bad.

I don't want to be mean to you.


SORRRY

Luckyoldson said...

Trooper,
Get back to the songs and poems and TV Shows.

The Clinton material is only cool to the wingnuts.

Ann Althouse said...

titus, did you just lose your mind and forget how to spell "are"????

Anyway, I think it's an interesting subject. It's very frustrating that we don't have a way to collect the information and verify the theories. I know some male law professors get student evaluations speculating about their size of the professor's penis. And, of course, one wonders about world leaders and why they act the way they do. I take it you're saying that you think the candidate with the biggest penis is Thompson. Does that explain his laziness and sense of entitlement?

Trooper York said...
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Ann Althouse said...

Titus, well, don't collapse! I feel like Judy Garland in "The Wizard of Oz" when that mean guy at the door starts crying and saying he's got an Aunty Em.

Trooper York said...
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Ralph said...

I thought Ann was a girl, or were you referring to another professor's penis?

B said...

Ann,

I have been amused for the last 15 months over your genitalia obsessions - now it's becoming obvious that you need to "get some".

Cedarford said...

Pastor_Jeff said...

I'm struggling to think of a President who took more pleasure in trying to humiliate other people, often for no reason. Bush and Nixon are not even in this guy's league.

Nixon was an introvert. He could be nasty, but he preferred not to confront, bully, or humiliate people. One reason his researchers say he let Watergate get away from him.

The Bushs are generally loyal and were purportedly not abusive in private - so when they hang someone to dry, out in public like Gov Sununu or Trent Lott...it is noticable as an extraordinary event.
Harry Truman conducted himself like a little prick in public, but the Truman behind closed doors was a gracious, considerate person...as the story goes.
Bill Clinton supposedly had a venomous temper and enjoyed bullying & dressing down staff - then went out and had his public "I feel your pain" act.

Kearns, Caro and others like Humphrey, Connolly, Sam Rayburn all confirm that Johnson was a up from hard scrabble, controlling person who loved to dominate - to gain the upper hand on anyone he dealt with and had a huge quiver of weapons of verbal and physical intimidation he used. He was always like that - in public or in private. Johnson was a master, Caro wrote, of sensing where any persons privacy sphere was, in person or in conversation, and then stepping 6 inches inside it, literally or metaphorically, as his 1st step in dominating...make the other person uncomfortable, distracted while you "armtwist and close the deal".

No phone sex Ann, just pure power trip in that conversation.

Trooper York famous story about him related to his taciturn personality. A society woman went up to him and said “Mr. President, my husband bet me that I couldn’t get you to say more than two words to me.”President Coolidge famously replied “Blow me.”

The real story is even better. His words were, "You lose".

jeff said...

Yeah Trooper, knock it off with the Clinton jokes. Do some of the Bush is stupid jokes. Those never get old.

Harsh Pencil said...

No, the true story ("you lose") is not funnier. I know and have told the true story many times. Upon hearing Trooper York's, ("blow me") I laughed so hard I started crying.

blogging cockroach said...

cedarford
cedarford
even i know that
and i'm a cockroach

trooper was troping
on two c prezes

i laughed so hard
i molted

Ruth Anne Adams said...

The thing that struck me: his weight varied by 10-15 pounds a month!

Aw, that's nothin' to a Texan. That's about two or three really good craps.

titus22 said...

I do think Thompson probably has the biggest penis. I could be totally off base but that is just my view.

The one I would most want to do of course is Obama. He's hot. What's her name from the WSJ had intersting op ed about him the other day talking about how she likes to watch him "think" about his answers which I agree with. He seems contemplative-I like that. He is incredibly special...and hot. My guess his penis is well proportioned hanging over his testicles at a nice size. I bet he is passionate in bed while also being a little demanding. You know his wife is demanding in bed. She is bossy telling him where to go on her body.

Mitt Romney is handsome but I think he would be too gentle and polite and boring and controlled. I don't think he would have much passion.

I think Rudy is probably an animal although I don't find him attractive. My sense is that he gives it to Judith good and likely every which way and everywhere and she likes it.

Kucinich might be an animal too but he is not attractive. Hello, is wife has a tongue ring, how hot is that and lets face it she looks good.

With Brownback it is total missionary and boring.

John Edwards is probably too in to himself when he is doing it.

Hilary does not do it at all which I think is kind of sad. My guess is she probably had it last maybe once in the White House right after he won, so I guess around 93.

Biden I would be interested in knowing what is there. I bet he is kind of fun in bed too.

The rest I would rather not know nor care.

titus22 said...

I bet the Cheney's still do it.

My parents are in their 70's and I know they still do it-my mom told me-is that gross?

Ralph said...

I think self-centeredness is a requirement for a successful political career, so I doubt any of them works too hard to please his partner(s).
Titus, Romney says you nailed him (figuratively). One of his stump jokes is that he asked his wife, "Honey, in your wildest dreams, did you ever think I'd be running for President?" She replied, "Mitt, you were never in my wildest dreams."

Gary Rosen said...

"The real story is even better. His words were, "You lose"."

Wow, C-fudd, where did you get that hot piece of insider information? I actually just heard it myself, about forty years ago.

rcocean said...
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Ralph said...

Calvin Coolidge saying "blow me" is priceless.

Gary Rosen said...

C-fudd, I mean rcocean, you said "the real story" like it was some priceless nugget. But trooper york's humor depended on his reasonable assumption that most people knew the real answer ("You lose"). York assumes his audience has at least half a brain, while you have 10% of one and assume everyone else has none.

AlphaLiberal said...

Finally, someone says aloud the pain other men all suffer with silently.

Yeah, LBJ was a mean cuss.