July 15, 2006

"Because you only let me take pictures of you when you're drunk."

Overheard, in a café this morning. I didn't hear the question that provoked this answer, so I'm just offering it up as a contest. You compose the question, you know, like in those New Yorker caption writing contests, which I despise. The reason I don't despise my own little contest is not (just) because it's mine, but because The New Yorker uses some damned picture that was drawn without a caption in mind, the readers come up with such poor ideas, and The New Yorker keeps doing it in spite of the nauseating mediocrity. On the other hand, I really did hear this quote, so there is a true answer somewhere out there lost in the past, and you will probably have some good ideas, and I'm not going to keep doing this if you don't.

IN THE COMMENTS: Lots of funny suggestions, but I'm going to declare a winner. It's AJ Lynch for
"How come we get always get drunk before we have sex?"

49 comments:

ObviousTroll said...

Why do you only take pictures of me when I'm bent over the toilet?

Jennifer said...

Why do pictures of me look so ugly the next morning?

Buddy Larsen said...

"How come I have to buy film every time I go the liquor store?"

Mark the Pundit said...

Why do you insist that I drink a whole bottle of wine on our wedding day?

ObviousTroll said...

Second possibility - Why are all of these pictures of me so blurry?

the pooka said...

"What about that porn site you said would make us so much money on the side? Why isn't that doing any better than your worm farm?"

AJ Lynch said...

Barney said - "Moe- how come you never use your camera until happy hour is over?"

AJ Lynch said...

How come we get always get drunk before we have sex?

Robert said...

"How come every picture in this album is of me exposing myself in some fashion?"

madawaskan said...

Why am I always wearing a lampshade?

madawaskan said...

Wait...

That's so cliche.


Why am I always wearing a marmot?

Johnny Nucleo said...

Why do I look so charming and witty in all these pictures?

Or

Why are there midgets and livestock in all these pictures?

Or

Why am I with a dead hooker in all these pictures?

Or

Why are you divorcing me?

Or

Why do you want to marry me?

Or

Why are you such a bitch?

Or

Why are you such an asshole?

Or

Why are you pointing that gun at me?

Or

Why did you sell my shoes?

Or

Why do always chew with your mouth open?

Buddy Larsen said...

uhhh...trouble at home, Johnny?

Johnny Nucleo said...

I'm not married, Buddy. I swing, baby! The above are actually questions I overheard today.

Buddy Larsen said...

LOL--and the sun ain't even set yet!

Johnny Nucleo said...

What can I tell you. This town is nuts!

Jim said...

Why is Dick Cheney in all these pictures?

Ron said...

Why do you keep submitting my nude pics to Modern Drunkard to be their centerfold?

reader_iam said...

Why don't we have any pictures of me that I can send to my mother?

reader_iam said...

Why are my clothes always stained in the pictures you take?

Gerry said...

"Why do the only pictures you have of me feature leather, chains, whipped cream, and two midgets?"

Jennifer said...

Wow, Gerry - party at your house!

Freeman Hunt said...

Our dinner party starts at six--the guests will be here any minute! Why aren't you helping?! Why did you put those HMIs in the living room? Why are you wandering around the house with that light meter? Why is your tripod laying on the kitchen counter?

Caseycro said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Caseycro said...

Laura, why haven't you had the camera out since the night I choked on the pretzel?

Buddy Larsen said...

"Why do I look like I forgive you for ruining my life, in all these pictures?"

Jim said...

How did you get a picture of me listening intently to Quuuuxxxxoo?

johnstodderinexile said...

How come there aren't any pictures of me in Utah?

AJD said...

Ann says: "and The New Yorker keeps doing it in spite of the nauseating mediocrity."

Awww. Haven't been picked, huh?

Reggie said...

"Why don't we have any pictures of me that I can send to my mother?"

I vote for this one.

Ann Althouse said...

Great answers! The sex theme is funny. I thought the most logical question, which no one's said yet, is: Why do I look drunk in every single picture you take of me?

The answer I think I like best... well, I'll wait to say. You can start voting. Keep adding more entries too. I'll pick a winner. The prize... ah, I don't know. A front page announcement of your answer... or question really. Hmmm.... this contest is like "Jeopardy."

Jennifer said...

I'm voting for:

How come we always get drunk before we have sex? aj Lynch

My runner up: (do I get one?)

Why is Dick Cheney in all these pictures? Jim

Jennifer said...

"Why am I wearing shorts in all these pictures?"

SippicanCottage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wickedpinto said...

"If I'm not wrong, I'm the only likely person with a tattoo of minnie mouse on my crank, so why did I see a picture of MY (C word for penis) being stroked by a crackhead man posted on the Net?!"

"because you only let me take pictures of you when you're drunk"

"oh, okay, well, stop that, please"

Buddy Larsen said...

"Why do you write poems about me when I'm sober?"

Sanjay said...

I know it's too late. But: "Why must you always side with the police?" Requires an emphasis, in the reply, on the word "me."

JimK said...

"Why does everyone I meet recently have intimate, personal, gynecological details about me?

reader_iam said...

Why don't carry my photo in your wallet?

reader_iam said...

Why do you always want to use her as your model?

vh: wwoozabi

" 'm f'l'n a little w-wooz[y], [b]abi!"

reader_iam said...

But my vote goes to this entry of Buddy's:

"How come I have to buy film every time I go the liquor store?"

Tibore said...

"Why do I keep getting e-mail from guys calling me "Hot Momma Babe", and why's our internet bill so high?"

Tibore said...

"How'd we get a 5 foot cake, 3 Chippendales dancers and a Llama in the same picture? At 3 different parties?"

Freeman Hunt said...

My favorites:

"How come I have to buy film every time I go the liquor store?", "How come there aren't any pictures of me in Utah?", and "Why do I look like I forgive you for ruining my life, in all these pictures?"

anniesmom03 said...

Thanks for the beer, Gramma. How come you always buy me beer, anyway? Nobody else in my Cub Scout troop ever drank beer before.

Gahrie said...

Why do you keep spiking my wheatgrass and mango slushies?

Buddy Larsen said...

"Hey, I'm not NEAR as think as you drunk I am!"

Buddy Larsen said...

...one more & then i quit...a lawyer joke:

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a setting hen?"

A setting hen clucks defiance.

37383938393839383938383 said...

The reason I don't despise my own little contest is not (just) because it's mine, but because The New Yorker uses some damned picture that was drawn without a caption in mind, the readers come up with such poor ideas, and The New Yorker keeps doing it in spite of the nauseating mediocrity.

You know, I put in such good captions to that thing, but they always ignore them for the most obvious and mediocre ones. I know that there must be dozens of other people sending in much better captions than the ones chosen by the New Yorker before you're allowed to vote. What they should do is have a random program eliminate randomly every submission but 10, and allow a vote on those 10. The highest vote count (that isn't obscene) wins. The only judgment calls the New Yorker staff should be making are for obscenity.